Beginnings at Hogwarts
by Steely Charm
Summary: Remus Lupin is a sickly little boy without much hope and trust in the world. Beginnings at Hogwarts is about how this scarred boy goes from shy to confident, overlooked to important, despised, shunned and ignored to loved and accepted. This is about Remus' time at Hogwarts, but it's much more than that.
1. The Sorting

**Hello!**** Thank you for choosing to read 'Beginnings at Hogwarts'!**

**I would just like to say that Hogwarts is owned by JK Rowling. This is her world, not mine; her characters that I have just put in certain situations.**

**I hope you like this story.**

**Reviews are most welcome, even if they do not say good things. **

The first thing Remus realised was that he was small, smaller than nearly all of the first-years around him.

They were clustered together in a claustrophobic room, and it was hot. The other first-years were talking excitedly, arguing about the sorting. Two dark haired boys were talking loudly about having to fight a dragon to prove that they were worthy and decide what house they would be in for the rest of their lives.

Remus was pondering the fact that thanks to his being a werewolf, he might not have been there at all.

Remus didn't come to Hogwarts on a train like the other students. As a matter of fact, he was completely out of it when he came to Hogwarts three prolonged months ago.

They don't like revealing the whereabouts of Hogwarts to just anyone, even if they can erase your memory afterwards. Remus was very battered and bruised, the day he arrived being only a couple after the recent full moon. The spell they put him under gave him relief from his pain, which was a big incentive for him to not argue against it.

Remus' being a young werewolf meant that it was very unlikely he would remain at Hogwarts long enough to even start out the year.

Remus found himself feeling extremely sorry for the girls getting worked up, claiming that they couldn't fight dragons, and hadn't been expecting to. He wanted to reassure them, but what could he say? He was trying hard not to laugh.

Werewolves are a danger to themselves and to anyone who comes near them during a full moon, when they have transformed. They attack humans, but oddly enough leave animals alone. For that obvious reason, a werewolf had never before been accepted to Hogwarts.

Professor Dumbledore had taken a chance on Remus when he rescued him from St Mungo's.

The doors finally opened and Professor McGonagall appeared, beckoning the first-years forward. The other first-years ran to get out of the stifling room, but Remus waited, trying to collect himself. He moved to follow them when he realised they had mostly all left. Professor McGonagall caught his eye knowingly.

As a werewolf, Remus had never hurt anyone, and Professor Dumbledore said he saw something within him, something good, though it was probably just Remus' desperation for a chance.

They were let into the Great Hall, a grand room Remus had only ever seen not one-twentieth full. He had eaten his lunch that day with the elves that worked in the castle kitchens, so that was why he hadn't seen the decorations and tables being moved in.

That was his advantage. He knew what the sorting was really about. He knew what some of the Professors were like. Remus knew Hogwarts like he knew the back of his hand, and yet, he was still nervous.

Professor Dumbledore's willingness to let Remus into his school meant precautions had to be taken. For a start, only a few would know about his 'condition'. Professors Dumbledore, McGonagall, Slughorn and Matron Pomfrey would be the only teachers to know. Remus was to keep his 'condition' from all of the students. He was to abstain from making friends since if anyone got too close to him they might start asking questions.

The Great Hall was filled with students who hushed at the entrance of the first-years. The students sat at one of four long tables. Each table represented one of the four houses; Slytherin, Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff and Griffindor. The flags of those houses were strung up above that houses respective table.

He had permission from Professor Dumbledore to access all areas of the library when Professor Dumbledore found out that Remus' passion was reading. Remus was given the password to the Professor's office, in the case Remus ever needed someone to talk to. Remus would have to leave if anyone found out what they were all trying to hide.

Professor McGonagall led the first-years towards the table at the far end of the Great Hall. This table was facing them and the heavy double doors they had walked through. It was the table at which the many Professors sat, with Dumbledore in the middle.

It was decided that Remus would instantaneously begin to take a concoction of different potions. The potions, made by Professor Slughorn (who was the potions master), would be administered to him every single day by Matron Pomfrey. One the days before, during and after the full moon he would have to take the potions twice.

Those three days Remus would also have to spend in the infirmary and then in a shack.

Remus took all of the colourful decorations in whist trying to avoid the eyes of those who stared curiously at the 'newbies'. He tried not to think 'fresh-meat'.

Professor Dumbledore invested in a Whomping Willow, a great big tree that attacked anyone to come within ten metres of it. The Whomping Willow was placed strategically over the entrance of a tunnel that led to the shack, where Matron Pomfrey would leave Remus on the night of a full moon to turn into a wolf. He would stay in the shack that night and then Matron Pomfrey and Professor Dumbledore or McGonagall would escort him back to the castle the next day. Remus would have to stay in the infirmary and heal from whatever wounds he had inflicted on himself.

The first-years and Professor McGonagall came to a stop in front of the table of teachers, and the Professor went to stand by a wooden stool. She began to talk, and Remus found himself drifting. He began to study the other first years, apprehensiveness racing through him.

The arrangement would work, they assured Remus. The potions, while absolutely vile, keep him separate from the werewolf. He does not remember anything that happens on the full moon, something Professor Dumbledore considers to be a good thing. It is good, Remus supposes, not to remember all of the pain. The potions cannot stop him from injuring himself in the process of destroying his surroundings, though. When Remus wakes up he has to deal with the repercussions.

The two dark haired boys who had been trying to convince the other first-years that they would have to fight a dragon were shoving each other good naturedly, laughing quietly at the death stares they had realised they were receiving from most of the first-years. The two boys had the ease of familiarity between them, and Remus found himself wishing that he had that. A best friend to joke around with. Remus had his books, but books couldn't laugh. He sighed. Someone like him having a best friend was an impossibility, but Remus couldn't half help himself.

The potions Remus had to take were still very new, and need improvements. They make Remus very sleepy when it gets closer to the full moon. They also make him irritable and nauseated, particularly on the dreaded days when Remus has to take two doses of them.

Remus watched as all eyes of the first years followed the Sorting Hat Professor McGonagall now held with one hand, her speech over. The Professor was a formidable figure, her serious expression leaving the majority of the first-years silenced. She began to read off a scroll their names.

Remus was a test subject for his first three months at Hogwarts, but when they decided he wasn't too terribly ill and the potions worked as well as they could, Remus was able to leave the infirmary to discover the great, big castle.

Remus saw a red haired girl still glaring angrily at the two laughing boys, a sallow skinned boy standing protectively beside her. She lived up to the stereotype of red-heads, he found himself thinking, absent-mindedly.

Remus learnt every nook and cranny. He found the library and the kitchens, the gamekeeper's hut, the Owlery and the dungeons. Remus sat in the empty stands of the Quidditch pitch and walked the boundaries of the Forbidden Forest. He wandered through the Trophy Room and learnt the stories of the ghosts and the talking portraits, hoping that, one day, ghosts would be replaced with flesh and blood.

Remus was very lonely, being the only boy in the entire castle, but too grateful. If he hadn't had the lucky chance of catching Dumbledore's eye, he would still be in St Mungo's. Or maybe he would be dead.

One by one the called first-years went and sat on the wooden stool, the Sorting Hat precariously placed on their heads. After a moment or two, the Sorting Hat would call out a house name. The people in that house would cheer and clap loudly for their new addition, and said person would run, most times, happily, to join their new house.

A month before the other students would arrive, Remus was told he would be allowed to stay at Hogwarts.

"Sirius Black."

One of the two boys who had been shoving each other walked confidently to the stool.

He was beautiful, Remus found himself thinking. Sirius had silky black hair that looked lovely and soft even from where Remus stood. He was wearing robes that looked especially brand new in Remus' eyes. He looked down at himself, embarrassed.

Remus had been given schoolbooks and a second hand uniform and taken to get his very own wand by Professor Dumbledore himself. Remus couldn't pay Professor Dumbledore back for any of it, but the Professor had waved away his concerns.

"Griffindor!" The Hat roared. Remus clapped and watched as Sirius jumped down the steps and practically raced to join his house, an odd look of relief crossing his face briefly.

Remus had read everything he could get his hands on, which helped relax and distract him from his worries. Books had always been his friends. Remus practised spells, knowing that he would have to work exceptionally hard to keep his place at Hogwarts.

More names were called, more eleven year olds sorted into the houses they would be in for the rest of their lives.

Remus had practised conversations, planning what he would say to those who asked about his scars, who asked where he went every month for three days, who asked why he was often sick, who asked why he didn't come to Hogwarts on a train like the rest of the first-years.

"Remus Lupin." Remus jumped, startled, at the calling of his hated name, and, to his horror, blushed.

The day before the students returned, Remus had felt sick with anticipation, but excited.

Remus mumbled 'excuse me', again and again, trying to get through the diminishing crowd of first-years who kept on inching closer to each other, effectively blocking his way. Remus had been standing, alone, at the back. He curled in his shoulders slightly, trying hard not to brush up against anyone.

Remus walked up the steps, legs shaking. He collapsed onto the stool, praying to whoever was above that no one could see his scars in the light.

Professor McGonagall placed the Sorting Hat on his head, and Remus closed his eyes, knowing thanks to Professor Dumbledore what to expect.

Sure enough, the Sorting Hat began to hiss into his ears.

"Smart. Very smart. Dangerous." Remus stiffened at that. Worried that maybe someone had heard that accurate word, he shot a quick glance at Professor McGonagall, but she showed no reaction or, worse, alarm. The Sorting Hat continued.

"Ravenclaw? Not Hufflepuff, surely. You aren't nearly dangerous enough to be in Slytherin. Griffindor? A yes or no would be appreciated, here, you know."

Automatically, Remus mumbled Griffindor, thinking of the beautiful boy, Sirius, who still sat on one of that house's benches alone.

"Griffindor!" The Sorting Hat shouted deafeningly.

Remus removed the hat reverently and placed it on the stool. At Professor McGonagall's look of pride, he smiled. He was happy to be in Griffindor, but Remus didn't think himself all that brave, as Griffindors were. Honestly, Remus had no idea why he had even said 'Griffindor' to the Hat in the first place. He would have been far better suited to Ravenclaw, a house notorious for academic students. Remus' fetish with books and reading might not have stood out so much, he mused, irritated at himself for not have thinking about that before he opened his mouth.

Remus kept his head down as he sat carefully on one of the Griffindor benches, waiting for the applause to stop and attention of everyone to divert off to someone else. He went instinctively to touch the scar on his left wrist. Just the cool touch of his scar reassured Remus, ironically.

It was minutes before he felt able to look up. When he did, Remus was startled to find himself staring directly into the eyes of Sirius who he had, unknowingly, sat opposite.

Sirius was grinning at Remus, and Remus found himself captivated by that unbroken, overly bright smile.

"About time! I thought I would be the only Griffindor first year! I'm Sirius. Black," he added, carelessly. Sirius held out his hand to Remus and Remus shook it, noting how Sirius took in his scars. Sirius didn't say a thing, and Remus found himself liking Sirius for that.

"I'm Remus John Lupin," Remus said, formally.

"Nice to meet you." Sirius looked like he actually meant it. No one had ever said they were 'pleased' to meet Remus before.

"Excited to be here? I am! I have been waiting forever," Sirius drew out the word forever, and Remus grinned at his dramatics. Sirius was so unlike him.

"It's rather big, isn't it? I think I am going to get lost. The professors look a bit mean, don't they?"

Sirius had an exuberant way of talking that made the heads of the other Griffindors turn. Sirius was even more beautiful close up. He had steel coloured eyes that reflected strangely, and his skin was not marred like Remus' was. There was a crest on Sirius' robes that Remus wondered about.

"I was so glad I got into Griffindor, you know. My whole family has been put into Slytherin, I am the only abnormality!"

What did Professors Dumbledore and McGonagall say about getting too close with people? Remus' inner voice piped up out of nowhere and unbidden, but Remus shoved it down. He was allowed to talk to people, wasn't he?

"I cannot imagine what their faces will look like when they find out!"

Sirius was patently delighted about being a Griffindor. Remus told him he was glad he was in Griffindor too, and they smiled at each other, Remus shyly; Sirius knowingly.

They turned their attention back to the front, just in time to hear Professor McGonagall call another name.

"James Potter."

"That's my friend! We only met today, but he's awesome. He will like you, I can tell!" Sirius was no good at whispering, Remus noted. He couldn't contain his grin back.

"Griffindor!" Cried the Sorting Hat after a mere brush against James' head.

"Yay!" Sirius stood on his bench and clapped wildly. He wolf-whistled as James hurried to Sirius' side, yanking Sirius down with one hand to sit beside him.

"Sirius, I cannot believe you just defied your family." The boy, James, was wearing glasses. He had messy black hair and a wide smirk. He looked like a troublemaker. Remus liked him immediately, not quite as much as he liked Sirius, but well enough.

"I'm James, by the way. James Potter." Remus knew that, but he nodded like he didn't and told him his own name.

Sirius grinned at James.

"I told you I would. Oh, and Remus here is cool."

"Named after the moon?" James guessed as Remus tried not to gulp.

"Unfortunately."

"It's a cool name, if you ask me," Sirius said, matter-of-factly.

Surprised, Remus sent Sirius a confused look, but he didn't seem to be mocking him. Remus relaxed.

A second boy sat beside Remus and introduced himself as Peter. This boy had light brown hair and was twitching. He was skinnier than even Remus, and there was something in his eyes that screamed 'desperate to please'.

In comparison, James and Sirius looked almost fat, when they were normal-sized.

The Sorting Ceremony ceased to the great gladness of Remus who was ravenous. He doubted he was alone in that feeling.

"Oh, thank the Heavens, I am dying of starvation…" moaned Sirius.

Professor Dumbledore stood up, drawing the attention of the talkative students. James, Peter and Sirius looked at him in deep awe, and Remus could understand why. Professor Dumbledore was world famous. He was a great Headmaster, some claiming the best. Headmaster Dumbledore had a long white beard that was tucked into his belt at his waist. He had merry blue eyes that twinkled as they roamed over the students before settling on Remus and the other Griffindor first-years.

Was Remus imagining the warning he saw as he looked into the depths of the Professor's eyes?

"Welcome! Now that the Sorting Ceremony is over for another year, let the feast begin!"

XXX

Professor Dumbledore had reassured Remus that he would be fine sharing a dormitory with the other first-year boys, as long as Remus didn't show off his scars and kept largely to himself. Now that Remus had met the other first-year Griffindor boys he was less anxious.

The meal ended after an age, the never ending food disappearing back to where it came from, the entire student body stuffed and full.

Professor Dumbledore spoke a few words before he dismissed them. The Griffindor Prefects led the first-year boys and girls to the Griffindor Tower, a place Remus hadn't yet been since the four houses were 'hidden'.

Peter, James and Sirius exclaimed over the ever changing staircases and moving portraits the entire trip, and Remus tried hard to pretend they were just as new to him, too.

He wished that, the first time Remus himself had seen them, he had had someone there to share his own interest.

They met a ghost on their way, Nearly Headless Nick, who bowed gallantly at them and winked at Remus. He was creepy with the whole half cut off head, but nice. Sirius saw the exchange, but the look Sirius gave Remus was bewildered and not at all suspicious.

Their mini procession stopped at the portrait of a fat lady in an expensive looking gown. The boy Prefect gave the ever-changing password, warning the first-years to memorize it and to never, under any circumstances, tell any of the students from the other houses it.

"Ravaging chimeras."

The fat lady's portrait swung backwards and they entered, everyone except the Prefects exclaiming at the red and gold draperies and couches and paintings and fireplace and lamps.

"This is the common room. It is expected that homework and other recreational activities will be done here." The girl prefect explained.

"The girls dormitories are to my left, boys to my right. Bathrooms are in the middle. Tomorrow the breakfast bell will sound and you should all make your way to the Great Hall as quickly as you can. Your suitcases and trunks will need to be unpacked."

The Prefects left them at that, and the first-years split up. Sirius, James, Peter and Remus bounded up the stairs to the dormitories, Remus pleased to not have to fake his enthusiasm.

They entered the door with a plaque reading 'First Years' on it.

It was a round room. There were four beds, four trunks, four night stands and two windows. The beds had scarlet-red covers and scarlet-red curtains that could be drawn all the way around; the windows overlooked the Forbidden Forest and the Whomping Willow. It was all ideal for Remus, something Professor Dumbledore must have factored into his plans.

How would he ever pay the Headmaster back?

Remus glanced at the new moon out of one of the windows regretfully. Full moon was two weeks away. Fourteen days away. 336 hours away. 20, 160 minutes away. Sirius and James' cries thankfully drew him back to his present, otherwise he might have continued and have started counting the seconds.

"I bags this one! James, take the bed next to mine. Remus, you can go over there!" Sirius ordered them about, and they complied uncomplainingly.

Remus went to the bed Sirius pointed at. It was the one directly across from Sirius' own, and was right next to a window. Sirius was far more astute than Remus had given him credit for.

Remus J Lupin was stitched neatly in gold thread on the handle of a small suitcase that contained all of Remus' meager belongings. Sirius and James had between them nearly ten times the amount of suitcases and trunks Peter and Remus had, but none of them said anything.

"My, I am full," Peter groaned, and they all heartily agreed. Peter's statement incited a conversation about the feast and the other first-years and the professors.

It was well past midnight when Remus fell asleep, beaming, purely so, so cheered to not be spending the night alone.


	2. First Day

Remus woke up afraid that last night had been a dream.

When he ripped open his curtains and saw Sirius sleepily peacefully on the bed across from Remus' own, he knew he hadn't imagined it all. Remus could have cried. He wished Sirius a chirpy good morning when Sirius sat up, yawning.

The four boys dressed in their uniforms, the brains of James, Peter and Sirius still clogged up from sleep and leaving them unable to communicate.

Remus, James, Sirius and Peter walked out of the Griffindor Common Room only to pause, unsure, in the doorway.

"Eh… Which way to the Great Hall? Do any of you know?"

James shook his head, Peter mumbled a 'no'.

"This way," Remus piped up. Sirius motioned for Remus to lead on, adjusting his shoulder bag as he did so. James ruffled his hair and pushed his glasses further up his nose.

As they walked, Sirius and James argued about how unfair it was they classes had to start straight away, and so early in the morning too! Peter nodded along and Remus simply smiled.

The Great Hall was not quite full when the boys entered. They made a beeline for an empty bench and had just started on toast when out of nowhere a Griffindor sixth-year appeared behind Sirius, who was none the wiser.

"Pass me the marmalade please-"

"SIRIUS BLACK!"

Sirius and half the table of Griffindors jumped, upsetting jugs and bowls. Alarmed, Sirius peered around, James and Peter choking on their pumpkin juice.

"Behind you," Remus pointed, and Sirius whipped around to face the girl.

"Oh, my, I sounded just like my sister then, didn't I?"

The girl held her hands, aghast, to her mouth.

"No wonder you look as though you have seen a ghost! Or, you know, your mother."

"Funny, Andy, hilarious. If you were my mother I would be dead."

Sirius said this with dead seriousness in his voice, and Remus didn't think he was joking. At all.

"Sorry, cuz."

The girl said, lowering her hands. She then flung her arms around startled Sirius.

Cousins? Remus saw it, suddenly. The girl had silky black hair, like Sirius, only hers reached her waist. She had silver eyes, like Sirius, and a proud face. She was beautiful, regal and posture-perfect. A pure-blood, through and through. She had the same crest on her robes as Sirius did.

"CONGRATULATIONS, SIRIUS!" This girl was as boisterous as Sirius typically was.

"I am so proud of you! I knew you weren't the same as all of them! I knew you wouldn't let me down!"

"Thanks, Andromeda." Sirius said quietly. He didn't sound normal, even Remus knew that, and he had only had a couple of conversations with Sirius. James, however, seemed to second Remus' view.

The girl, Andromeda, released Sirius and tucked herself onto the bench beside him. She took a sip of Sirius' pumpkin juice, ignoring his protests.

"Hey, James Potter."

"Hey, Andromeda." Pleasantries exchanged, Andromeda turned back to Sirius.

"Have you heard from them?"

"A howler." James, Peter and Remus swapped glances. A howler had not come for Sirius, or they would've known about it. Wouldn't they?

"Yeah. I got one too when I was sorted into Griffindor," Andromeda said, conversationally, not betraying a care in the world, even though receiving a howler was not normal, or an everyday occurrence.

"Why does your pumpkin juice taste better than mine?" Ruminated Andromeda.

"It's all in your head, Andy. Leave some for me, won't you. I will tell Bella if you don't."

"Bella's glaring at the pair of us." Andromeda finished off Sirius' goblet, blissfully unaware of Sirius, who had paled and was now scanning the Great Hall for this 'Bella'.

"Who is Bella?" Remus enquired. Andromeda's eyes fell on him, and he found himself bristling in her stare.

"Bellatrix. She is over there, Sirius, not eating."

Sirius' eyes stopped searching. Remus followed his gaze to a Slytherin girl who resembled Andromeda more than Sirius. There was something wild and deranged to her, a quality both Andromeda and Sirius seemed to have skipped out on. She held a knife in a white-knuckled fist.

She hissed, actually hissed, at Sirius. Andromeda, unaffected by this appalling behaviour, waved.

"Hey, Bellatrix. Remember me? Your sister?"

Bellatrix leaped to her feet, dropping the knife to the floor. She flounced out of the Great Hall, and Andromeda sighed.

"If Bella gives you any trouble, if our family gives you any trouble, you call me, okay? I am behind you, one hundred per cent."

Sirius took the goblet from Andromeda, his eyes vacant and mouth frowning. Andromeda embraced him again, whispering into his ear words Remus, James and Peter couldn't understand.

"Thanks, Andy. You can go now."

They watched her walk away, Remus thinking to himself that the entire scene had been a little bit over the top and weird.

XXX

They had Transfiguration with Professor McGonagall after breakfast. Breakfast had passed without another word about Sirius' family, and Sirius had become himself again.

Remus had spent all of yesterday morning memorizing his timetable, unwilling to be late to any of his classes, especially not on his first day. He had memorized all of the best routes to all of his classes too, from both the Great Hall and the Griffindor Tower.

It was, inevitably, Remus leading the way. James, Sirius and Peter followed, confused.

"How do you already know your way around? This place is huge! If not for you, we would never have found even the Great Hall!" James had asked the question, but the answer Remus gave was heard by Sirius and Peter too.

"I, um, have a map. My mother, um, gave it to me. She used to go here." Lame. He knew it, but James and Peter swallowed his lies without batting an eyelid.

Remus' first lies to them. It dawned on him then.

They were the first of what would have to be too many. He felt like a monster, betraying their trust like that. His mother hadn't even attended Hogwarts, he thought, miserably.

They arrived early, and Remus could tell Professor McGonagall wasn't surprised to see him. She was surprised, however, to see the three boys tailing him. He had agreed that friends weren't a good idea.

Remus felt the need to explain to her how books and ghosts of those departed were nothing, really, to flesh and blood.

"Mr Lupin? A word, if you please." Remus paled, knowing he couldn't reasonably refuse. Sirius raise his eyebrows at James, mouthing 'Already?' and grinning as he watched Remus head towards Professor McGonagall.

Remus scuffed his feet and blinked fast in an effort not to cry. It was a miracle his luck had lasted as long as it had. They were going to throw him out. Remus' heart gave a thump in his chest, then stopped.

Professor McGonagall led Remus into the office through a door he hadn't noticed at the back of the classroom. She rounded on him the instant the door had slammed shut.

"Mr Lupin. I thought we were in accord." Remus was astonished, expecting her to have said something else entirely, like 'sorry, but you need to pack your bags, we can't have you here…'. Remus didn't dare interrupt her. She continued her tirade.

"The rules of you staying here were clear. You keep your secret and we will too. Mr Lupin, I thought we, Professor Dumbledore, you and I, all agreed that perhaps it was better if you didn't get too close to anyone. Instead you walk in with three people following you about, three people who, I might add, are already asking you questions, isn't that right, Mr Lupin?" He stared at her in absolute incredulity. Professor McGonagall took his silence as confirmation.

"I am afraid, Mr Lupin, that isn't doing a good job of not getting too close to anyone! If it is too hard to share a dormitory, arrangements can be made…"

"No, no Professor! I was just showing them the way, that's all!"

"It is not just that, Mr Lupin. Already I hear from Matron Pomfrey that you have missed your potions for the day. If you weren't so focused on making friends, then maybe you will have the time to consider that you need to take the potions in order to keep them, and everyone else here, safe."

That seemed to be the climax of her speech. Remus didn't have to act guilty. She was right, he had been prioritizing himself.

I didn't forgot intentionally, he could have said, but he didn't.

Remus stared unseeingly at his feet.

"Mr Lupin. Do you not want to stay here anymore?"

Her voice was like ice. Remus took a step back, remorse making his heart restart and pump faster. He had been idiotic and taking risks when he should never have.

Remus had disappointed her, and himself.

"Y-yes, Professor, of-of course, I am so-sorry. I will go see Matron now. Sorry, sorry," Remus stammered, tripping over the words that couldn't leave his mouth fast enough.

Her cold, furious expression grew extraordinarily soft and motherly.

"Mr Lupin. We just want to give you your best chance. Making friends is not really helping us to keep your secret safe, not if they are going to be a distraction. You never know what will happen. Things can be broken so easily." She sighed, thinking, a far-away look to her eyes.

"Go see Matron Pomfrey. Oh, and one more thing, Mr Lupin." Remus froze.

"Wear sleeves."

Remus blinked back hot, hot tears and nodded his head once, twice, again, his right hand unconsciously clenched over his left wrist.

"Can I go now?" He mumbled in a tiny voice, thoroughly chastened and shamed to his core.

He fled at her silent yes, tearing past the arriving first-years and refraining from glancing in the direction of James, Peter and Sirius.

XXX

Sirius had watched Remus flee from the classroom, his face white and arms wrapped around him as though trying to keep himself together.

Sirius had turned around and he and James had exchanged concerned looks over the welfare of their new friend, mystified as to what Professor McGonagall could have said to make Remus look like that. It was only the first day, for Heaven's sake, Sirius thought to himself. Not even Sirius himself had stirred up trouble yet.

To Sirius, Remus looked like more of a quiet, studious boy than a troublemaker, at any rate.

Professor McGonagall returned to the front of the room. She began the lesson, describing in a serious tone what Transfiguration was all about, but her heart didn't seem to be in it.

Sirius tried to concentrate on what she was saying (even with his teacher's obvious distraction), and not on Remus' troubles, but it was hard.

He missed the moment when Professor McGonagall turned into a cat, only vaguely aware of the clapping that arouse around him.

Remus had looked so crushed, Sirius reflected. Sirius thought of the small, fragile, sickly looking boy, and felt an overwhelming need to protect him, something not at all shared with Professor McGonagall, apparently.

Whatever McGonagall had accused him of, Sirius was fiercely sure it wasn't Remus' fault.

The bell rang. Remus still hadn't returned. Sirius, James and Peter left the Transfiguration classroom, talking about Remus and hoping he would be in Charms, their next class.

Professor Amberlinger didn't say anything to Remus as he slipped into the Charms classroom, mercifully.

The lesson had only just started. Presumably, Professor McGonagall had sent the other Professor a note to explain Remus' absence.

Remus scanned the room for a seat, feeling worn down already. Sirius was the only one, coincidently enough, to have a free space beside him. Had Sirius been saving the spot for Remus in the event Remus showed up for class? Disheartening, Remus hoped not.

Remus went and sat beside Sirius, passing James and Peter on the way, who were sitting together. He avoided making eye contact with them.

Remus dropped into his seat and began pulling the books from his black satchel, managing to keep his hands from tracing his scars and drawing unwanted attention to them. Remus had gone all the way back to the Griffindor Tower for his cloak, so his arms were not really revealed in any way. Professor McGonagall's comment about wearing sleeves had made him self-conscious about the ugly wounds.

It was too hot for cloaks.

Steadfastly, Remus tried to regain control over his face.

Remus felt Sirius' curious and concerned eyes on him, but Remus was doing his best to pay attention to what the Professor was saying. He was well aware he was behind. Remus sighed, despairing. His first day had, so far, been awful.

Eventually, Sirius gave up on his not so subtle staring at Remus and grabbed some parchment and a quill. He began to scrawl something in quick, neat writing.

"In this Charms class you will learn how to cast..." Professor Amberlinger was one of the Professors Remus hadn't yet met. She was younger than Professor McGonagall, but bloated in the stomach and face, making her extremely ugly and the subject of some jokes Remus overheard. They were coming from James' direction.

Smoothly, Sirius finished whatever he had been writing. Sirius folded the piece of parchment in half and slid it across to Remus, who was considerably astounded.

Remus weakly entertained the idea of ignoring the note, but he knew he was too polite to do something so downright rude.

He opened the note with trembling fingers, hiding it beneath the desk to avoid the Professor's notice.

~Hey. I figured I'd write a note, because I don't think the Professors like us talking. What happened with McGonagall? You hurried out of the door pretty quickly. Sirius.~

He didn't know. Remus didn't know what to tell him. He recalled those practice conversations he had with the ghosts and the elves, thinking about how stupid he had been to think they could have prepared him for this.

Remus recalled the lies he had already told Sirius ashamedly.

Disgusted, Remus pulled his quill out of his mouth. He had been sucking on the end of it, unconsciously. Sirius' inquiring eyes landed on him again.

~Professor McGonagall told me that my mother is very sick. ~

Was that too simpler an answer? Remus decided he would kill two birds with one stone.

~I will have to go back home in a couple of weeks to visit her.~

There. Now he would have an excuse for his upcoming disappearance on the night before, during and after the full moon.

His stomach clenched in self-reproach, but still Remus passed the note to Sirius.

Sirius took the note from him immediately, read it hastily, and then picked up his quill again and added to it.

Remus pulled some fresh parchment closer and copied down the Professor's words pedantically.

~Ah, I am sorry. Let me know if you need anything?~

Remus read what Sirius had written, guilt twisting his stomach.

Oh, who cares, Remus thought exhaustedly. He would most likely never speak to Sirius, James or Peter ever again, not after the cold shoulder he was starting to give to them. At least they would, with a bit of luck, think that he was just fearing for his mother's health and preoccupied by her sickness.

Remus nodded his thanks to Sirius, giving him back the parchment without adding to it.

Remus determinedly snubbed Sirius for the rest of the lesson. When the bell went, he scampered out of the door without looking back or answering to the chorus of "Remus!"


	3. Six Weeks and Broomsticks In-Between

The following six weeks were unbearable for Remus.

Every single day he had to wake up early, before Sirius, James or Peter did. He woke up so early, sometimes, that not even the sun was up. By doing this, he never again missed a dose of his potions, a good thing, since Remus did not want to risk any more wrath.

Waking up early helped Remus to avoid the three people he wanted so desperately to be friends with. This stopped Remus from being roped into going down to breakfast with them, spending time with them and getting too close to them. Becoming close to them might have, as Professor McGonagall had pointed out, ended in disaster.

A ramification of Remus' earliness was that he finished breakfast just as other students were arriving. Remus discovered that he couldn't return back to the Griffindor Tower. The first time he had tried that he unluckily bumped into Sirius, James and Peter, who tried to engage him into awkward conversation.

Thus, Remus discovered that if he went to the library, he would be quite safe from any of these exchanges. Remus learnt that if he spent all of his spare time in the library, then he wouldn't have to face Sirius, James or Peter, who wouldn't be caught dead in the library if they could help it. By sticking to the library, Remus got his homework done on time, an advantage he thought was worth it all. Sometimes.

Remus learnt to get to his classes prematurely. This meant that he was able to sit close to that class' Professor, and wasn't fishing for a seat. Sirius, James and Peter often arrived to class late and out-of-breath, which meant there was no chance of any of them ending up sitting next to Remus.

Remus still hated the full moon, and the transformation was still agonising, but Remus' lycanthropy was his burden to bear, and Remus was finding that he could bear it a bit better than he could ever have before.

His first ever full moon as a student passed him by, virtually without harming him.

Remus took his double dose of his potions and was led to his shack the night of the full moon. He came out scratched and tired beyond belief but virtually unharmed the next day. The wounds had been easy enough to hide under the layers of clothes Remus had learnt to wear, and he returned to his normal classes.

Regrettably, Remus got bored and moodier around the time of the full moon. He became especially depressed whenever he saw James, Sirius and Peter together, an occurrence he couldn't escape.

When he saw them, he wished he too could have been a part of the group.

Sirius, James and Peter did nearly everything together. Sirius was the obvious leader of the group, James being his wingman. Both were just as brilliant as Remus (Remus' habit of reading meant that he was further along than the others in his class, and was able to grasp things quicker than his peers did), but neither James nor Sirius liked studying or classes very much. They were amazingly blasé about their education, never once completing their homework on time. Peter was not so good at schoolwork and, obviously following the lead of the others, didn't hand in his homework either.

Remus learnt that Sirius and James had a troublemaking side to them. They pulled pranks on unsuspecting Slytherins and got steady detentions. Peter wasn't the brains behind these pranks but more of a distraction and a lookout.

Sirius and James could be quite inventive and funny, and more than once Remus had to stifle a laugh or a smile.

They were slowly growing quite popular for first-years, becoming well known, Sirius for his short attention span, James from his growing cockiness and Peter for his 'pleasing' ways.

Where, Remus wondered, would he have fit?

Sirius had evidently told James and Peter about Remus' mother having an illness, because James and Peter came up to Remus and wished for his mother to get better, and so did some of Remus' other classmates.

Remus accepted their condolences politely, then excused himself, claiming homework that needed urgent seeing to.

Remus was grateful that the rumour about his ill mother was spreading and helping to diffuse any suspicion in regards to where Remus went every full moon, but he was also sickened that he could have used Sirius like that.

He was lonely. Remus was so lonely. He was surrounded nonstop by people he couldn't risk getting close to.

The only person he regularly spoke to was Matron Pomfrey, who was quite kind to Remus, but there was too much sympathy in her eyes for him to like spending any more time with her than he had too. He didn't like being forced into remembering how pitiable he was.

Books, forever Remus' friends, became his only solace.

XXX

Sirius and James were excited.

A sign had been pinned up onto the Griffindor Common room's notice board. The sign claimed that the first-years would be beginning their flying lessons that afternoon with a certain Professor Harslow.

Sirius and James couldn't concentrate on any of their classes for that whole day. They had grown up flying, and were eager to show off their skills and hopefully, if they were good enough, get put on Griffindor's Quidditch team. The fact that this was strictly against the rules was a bit of information Sirius and James conveniently forgot.

They spoke in circles, imagining all of the glory they would get by being the youngest and best Quidditch players in history. Sirius and James couldn't fathom the idea of the other first-years dreading the entire experience, and couldn't work out why they were being told to shut up as often as they were.

Peter stayed quiet the entire day, faking enthusiasm when asked for his opinion by Sirius or James, all the while endeavouring to swallow down the bile rising in his throat. He was frightened, never before having ridden a broomstick, but Peter couldn't have admitted that to Sirius or James who would have ridiculed and belittled him.

Remus himself was striving to forget that at 3:30 he would be embarrassed in front of his peers. They would discover how inadequate he would be at flying, and Remus would likely fall and injure himself, something he really didn't need. He hid himself away in the library, reading up on Quidditch and flying in an effort to prepare himself, to some extent.

Ultimately, 3:30 rolled around, and the Griffindor and Ravenclaw first-years assembled at the Quidditch pitch.

Professor Harslow turned out to be a tough lady with pixie red hair and a yellow scowl.

"Alright, first-years. I want Griffindors on my left and Ravenclaws on my right. Come on! In a line please, each one of you stand behind a broom. Hurry up, we haven't got all day," Professor Harslow barked at them. Sirius and James were fastest to respond to her demands, glaring at the Ravenclaws and Peter who took their time.

Sirius sighted Remus, who looked faintly sick, but resolute.

"Now, step up to the side of your brooms."

The broomsticks in question were no more than ancient bits of rotting wood.

"Hold out your hand above your broomstick and say Up."

Sirius followed the Professor's instructions.

"Up!" He cried.

The broomstick jumped into his hand and Sirius smirked at James, whose broomstick was still lying stubbornly on the grass, even as he yelled at it.

"Well done, Mr Black. See here, everyone." Professor Harslow nodded her approval at Sirius before turning to help a Ravenclaw girl whose nose was bleeding profusely after her broomstick had hit her in the face at her call.

Sirius flicked his gaze over to Remus. Remus had his broomstick in his hand, too, which Sirius was taken aback at. He hadn't figured Remus to be the sporty type at all. Remus looked as though he had no intention of riding the thing, though, so Sirius assumed he had had a bit of beginner's luck.

"Say it firmer. Come on, Peter! Say it like you mean it!" Sirius turned at James' voice, just in time to see Peter yell Up! and have his broomstick swing itself under his legs.

Peter fell to the ground in a heap, and Sirius and James cracked up laughing at the ungraceful sight. Professor Harslow, trying her best to help the unwilling Ravenclaws, didn't see a thing.

"Oh, Peter!"

As Sirius wiped away his tears of mirth, Remus went over to Peter and helped him back up. Peter's crumpled face had tugged at Remus' heart. Remus was in the same boat as Peter was now.

Sirius knew he or James should have thought to do the same and help Peter back up, considering Peter was their friend and all, but it was too funny. Sirius was curious, too, to see if Remus' helpfulness would keep extending to Peter, or not.

Sirius was betting not. Ever since Remus had found out about his ill mother, Remus had been cool to James, Sirius and Peter. Sirius had thought they were getting on alright, and was disappointed at Remus' brush off. On some level he knew that Remus was likely just worried about his mother, but to Sirius that didn't really justify any of it.

Remus stayed by Peter, coaching him into getting the broomstick into his hand in a soft voice until Peter managed it, much to Sirius' chagrin and Peter's amazement.

At long last even the reluctant Ravenclaws were holding their broomsticks, and Professor Harslow, who was looking a bit ruffled, continued the lesson.

"Now, mount your brooms, carefully." This was something they could all do, and Professor Harslow conjured up herself a broom.

"When I say go, lean forward, slightly. Keep your hands on the broom at all times. Do not go too fast. When you find you need to turn, lean to the left or the right, depending. Be gentle with your broomstick. It will respond, but you need to be kind with it. Alright, one, two, three go!"

Professor Harslow demonstrated, shifting her weight. Her broomstick zoomed off a couple of metres above their heads, where she could reasonably keep a safe distance away from the first-years, but also keep an eye on them.

Sirius and James, knowing this was their chance to show off, hastened to join her.

"Woooo! Woo-hooo!" Sirius and James hadn't been flying in a while, but neither had lost any skill. They took to the air with ease, racing each other all over the pitch. Sirius dive bombed James, James swooped over the top of Sirius… The Ravenclaws watched enviously, and Professor Harslow tried in vain to caution the two boys.

Sirius and James either didn't hear her warnings, not an impossibility, or disregarded them completely, far more likely.

Remus and Peter had both watched Sirius and James' flight, but Professor Harslow humph! of disapproval drew back in their attention.

White-faced, Remus took a deep breath.

"You can do it," whispered Peter, who smiled thinly to show he believed it.

Remus leaned a fraction of his weight forward, hands squeezing the broomstick's handle forcefully.

Remus wasn't prepared for the speed at which the broomstick took off.

"Look out," He screeched at the Ravenclaws, who dived out of the way as Remus sped past them.

Left, left, left! Remus repeated the same word like a mantra in his head, utterly absorbed in trying to stop himself from crashing.

The broomstick took him left at the very last, heart-stopping minute, and Remus let out the breath he had been holding, as did the crowd of first-years.

Shaking, Remus guided the broomstick straight, attempting his damndest to stay in control. The broomstick had a mind of his own, and whilst Remus knew he had only a sliver of control over it, to everyone else, it appeared he was a natural, one with the broom and content.

Remus loathed how far away from the ground he was, but when he refrained from looking down, he found that he was beginning to enjoy himself.

"Wooo!" Remus let go of all of the pent up emotion he had been forcing down day in and day out for close to two months. No, not just for the last two months, the last six years.

He gave in to the broomstick and relaxed, letting the broomstick do what it pleased as he went along for the ride. Grinning madly, Remus whooshed about, even daring to do somersaults in the air above the Ravenclaws' heads. Remus had exhilarating, adrenaline bringing fun for the first time since arriving at Hogwarts.

He couldn't get enough of it, the freedom the broomstick gave him.

Sirius and James watched Remus and joined in the other Griffindor's cheering. They were stationary on their broomsticks to give Remus more room to fly about.

Seeing Remus come alive on the broomstick when he had been dead-eyed ever since that life-changing Transfirguration lesson made Sirius think there was more to Remus than his pale facade.

**What do you think? Moving too fast? Getting confused? Review, or PM me and let me know!**


	4. Nightmare Reminiscence

The moon hung like a pearl on the backdrop of the red and black storm clouds. They hide the stars from sight, leaving the world beneath much darker than normal. The wind howled menacingly as it tore through the branches of the tall trees that made up the forest. He was in the shack, he realised, dreamily. He had been locked their for enough nights on end to recognise it by now. There were the telltale scratch marks on the wooden doors and walls, there were the bloodstains on the floor and the destroyed sheets hanging off the end of the king sized bed. He was mid-form, he realised. Half werewolf, but still together enough to know he was only supposed to be boy. He screamed out as the pain of it finally registered with him, a bloodcurdling scream that had his changed and newly clawed hands scratching desperately at his ears to stop the horrifying sounds that he didn't know came from his own mouth from attacking him. He collapsed in on himself, all alone with no one there to comfort him and save him from the dark red blood that pooled beneath his head…

He was in Hogsmeade, he realised, foggily. There was a lolly shop and a bar and an alley, but no people. He whirled about, confused. Something moved in the depths of the alley. He stopped spinning, curiosity getting the better of him and propelling him forwards to explore. Maybe he could ask whoever it was why he was here, and not in the shack, the place he knew he really should be, especially when wolf. He walked on all fours to the alley, not stopping at the mouth. He inched past the overflowing bins, controlling his breathing in order to not scare off his prey. No, not prey. Yes, prey. He paused, a couple of metres away from the blurry shape. It came towards him, the moonlight falling on its face to reveal… a little girl, holding a red flower. She smiled at him, and he launched himself forwards, razor sharp eyes focused only on the erratic pulse at her neck. He landed on her, her red blood beginning to soak his fur…

He was in the dormitory, facing the full moon he could just make out through the window. When he turned, he saw the beds. His own was empty, but James and Peter's were occupied, the red curtains pulled around to block him out. He had no choice but advance to the only other occupied bed, Sirius'. Sirius had not pulled around his curtains. Sirius was sleeping restlessly. He decided he would make it quick, not wanting to really hurt Sirius. He prepared himself to attack, rocking back on his hind legs in order to spring himself forwards and end up on Sirius' bed…

"NOOOOOOOOO! NOOOOO! SIRIUS! NO! SIRIUUSSS!"

Remus cried and cried and cried, shouting Sirius' name over and over again. He couldn't get free of the sheets that had wrapped themselves around his legs, he couldn't save Sirius from the werewolf, the werewolf that was him, Remus.

Dimly, Remus heard curtains being yanked open and felt cool hands clutching at him, but he was too lost to register anything so far beyond himself.

"Remus, it's ok! Remus, open your eyes! Look, it's okay, I am fine, you are fine! Remus, come on, you will wake the others… Remus!"

Sirius' voice containing all of the betrayal and hurt in the world.

"No, no, no…"

No, no, no thought Remus. He couldn't open his eyes. He didn't know if he could handle seeing Sirius as a ghost, specially not just after he had killed him.

It was bad enough hearing him. Seeing Ghost-Sirius would push Remus over the edge he was still mentally holding onto.

You deserve everything coming to you, some evil inner voice told Remus. He didn't disagree.

"Please, no…" A prayer, repeated, helping no one and making Remus feel worse when he still felt those cool hands and heard that voice.

"Just open your eyes, Remus. It's ok." Nothing was ok, Remus wanted to shout. Nothing would ever be ok again! He was a murderer! Remus gripped his left wrist so hard he thought he'd break it.

"A murderer? Remus, you're not a murderer, 'least, not that I know of."

Remus stilled at those words. He peeked through his eyelids and saw Sirius, sitting beside him on the bed.

Remus nearly died, himself, only of shock. He simultaneously pushed Sirius, who had one arm wrapped around Remus, away, and scooted across to the other side of the bed. The memory of the cool touch ran through Remus' head and he shuddered violently, his teething snapping together so hard his head vibrated with the force.

"Remus?" Uncertainty. He owed Ghost-Sirius an explanation. Remus steeled himself. He tried again, eyelids cutting his vision in half then opening all the way when Remus took in the fact that Sirius, who was looking extraordinarily mystified and rumpled, was not see-through.

"Sirius?" Remus could not have stopped the tiny voice if he tried.

"Yeah?"

Remus launched himself across the bed, much like the werewolf would have, or did, in Remus' nightmare. He gripped Sirius in a bone-crushing hug.

"Um. Nice to see you too?" Half-heartedly Sirius hugged Remus back.

Remus released Sirius and took him in. There were shadows under his eyes and his hair was sticking up in all directions. Guilt ate away at Remus.

"I am so-sorry, S-sirius. A horr-ible nightmare, so sorry…" Remus stuttered, hands twisting in the sheets as he apologised.

"Hey, no problem. You were, er, screaming, pretty loud. I cast a spell over James and Peter. They wouldn't have heard a thing."

Remus nodded, and thanked him, exhaustion creeping into his voice. He wouldn't be going back to sleep. Remus touched his face, not all that shaken to feel the wetness from his tears.

"G-go back to bed, Sirius, I am sorry for w-waking you. I'll be okay."

Sirius didn't move, instinctively knowing that Remus really shouldn't be left alone, not after whatever Remus had just dreamt. Sirius wanted to help Remus, a feeling he was having to get used to. Sirius readjusted himself on Remus' bed, trying to get comfortable. He contained the awkwardness he felt.

"Must have been some nightmare. Do you want to talk about it?"

Remus shook his head frantically.

"No, not at all. Thank-s though," Remus modified, ruefully.

Remus shied away from Sirius, feeling doubly worse for waking Sirius up when faced with Sirius' kindness.

"I'll be okay, Sirius. Thanks for caring," Remus whispered, a dismissal.

Sirius looked down at his hands and stayed. Minutes passed in silence as Remus deliberated and Sirius gazed serenely at the moon.

"Listen," began Remus. Sirius faced him.

"I'm sorry I haven't spoken to you much lately. My mother, she's sick…" Sirius already knew this, obviously, but Remus reminded him of it anyway.

"I've been worried about her and schoolwork… I just needed to get my head around a few things, nothing personal…" Remus trailed off then. He didn't know what else to say, but he was glad he tried, at least, to get it off his chest.

The loneliness was killing Remus. He needed friends, and he needed Sirius to know why Remus had been so cold towards him and James and Peter.

He was so tired.

"Yeah, I know. That would have been really hard. I'm sorry. You went to visit her, didn't you?" Sirius asked, forgiving him. Sirius didn't forgive easily, but Remus was different. Remus was looking so miserable in the moonlight that Sirius couldn't bear the thought of hurting him. It would be like kicking an injured puppy.

Remus nodded by way of replying.

Sirius sensed his reluctance to talk about his mother, but he wanted to continue talking. James was a lot like Sirius and Peter was more of a copy cat than anything. Sirius wanted to know more about this academic boy who read and loved to fly. He changed positions again, getting comfortable.

"Let's talk about something else. We have all night."

"Sirius? Do you remember when Andromeda came up to you on the first day? And asked you if you had gotten a howler? Did you really get one?"

That question had been bugging at Remus for a while now.

"Yes. I did. It came in the middle of the night. I opened it in the Common Room, so no one would have heard. My family, you see, has been in Slytherin for centuries. They were mad, insane with anger, when they found out that the heir of Black was in Griffindor."

"I am sorry."

"Don't be. I am not. Griffindor is the best thing that has happened to me."

Sirius seemed melancholy after that, and Remus felt it was his turn to distract him. So distract him he did, until the sun ray's began to shine through the clouds, with a whole heap of talk about random stuff.

Remus, during some point in the early hours of the morning, decided that he didn't care about what Professor McGonagall said. He needed friends, and Remus would be Sirius' friend, and in extent James and Peter's, because it was the least he could do for someone who was succeeding in saving Remus from himself.

XXX

It was the middle of November, exactly two weeks away from the start of winter and December, and it was a nice day. The sky was cloud-free and the sun was shining brightly.

Majority of the students had retreated outdoors for their mid-morning break, and their last chance to sunbake. Professor McGonagall was surveying four Griffindor first-years from her Transfiguration classroom.

The pretty day reflected the Professor's mood.

This day a month ago, Professor McGonagall had taken the Griffindor and Hufflepuff first-years. The Professor replayed that lesson over in her sharp mind, her eyes unseeing and foggy.

The students had poured in dribs and drabs through the doors, all of them looking still half asleep because it had been the first lesson of that day. When Professor McGonagall saw Remus Lupin walk in she had grown still.

Remus Lupin was a werewolf. He had the scars to prove it, although he covered them up.

Remus was a good student, one of her best. He was quiet, though, and had no friends. He seemed determined to prove himself to her, and she had a sneaky suspicion the lecture she had given the boy on his first day had had something to do with that, and the no friends thing. She didn't remember giving that lecture with fondness.

As a matter of fact, she thought she had been incredibly out of line.

The Professor had told Remus that he wasn't to make friends. Well, in more words than that, Professor McGonagall amended, but still.

No one had the right to tell a young boy that he wasn't to make friends, even if that young boy happened to be a werewolf. Professor McGonagall had thought she had accepted the boy's condition, but she hadn't, and had let her prejudices rule her.

Remus had proved himself to be intelligent. If he had friends, Professor McGonagall was sure he would have skilfully kept his secret, and she never should have doubted that.

Guilt had wracked the Professor, and she had clenched the edge of her desk. She would apologise, she decided. Looking up, she had found Remus sitting at his usual seat, alone at the front of the room. No, not alone.

He had been sitting with Sirius Black.

Sirius Black was not a good student like the boy next to him, but at that moment, Professor McGonagall couldn't have cared less.

As long as Remus had a friend, and was happy and keeping his secret safe.

The Professor's eyes had connected with Remus'. The boy had been laughing, but he stopped and a frown replaced his grin.

Professor McGonagall had nodded at him, just once, hoping he would get the message.

At Remus' look of gratefulness Professor McGonagall had gathered that he did.

Professor McGonagall's mind returned to the present, and she watched as a certain group of four walked across the lawn.

After that Transfiguration lesson, Remus had hardly left Sirius Black's side, and had even made two other friends. The boys had become inseparable, and Professor McGonagall was pleased.


	5. Easy Convincing

"REMUS! Remus! Over here!" Sirius was yelling at the top of his lungs, both of his hands cupped around his mouth and acting like a megaphone.

Remus had had to get used to that. He had to get used to having friends who wanted to sit by him, when for months he had sat alone.

Remus had to get used to having Sirius Black as a friend. Loud, obnoxious, confident Sirius Black.

Sirius' cries had echoed. All eyes in the Great Hall turned towards Remus who blushed and scampered to Sirius' side, hating the attention. Remus was trying to get used to all of the attention Sirius drew, but he had the uncomfortable feeling he never would get used to it, and it would only, over the next few years, get worse.

"Honestly," mumbled Remus to himself as he slid onto the bench beside Sirius.

"Honestly, what?" asked Sirius, innocently. Remus just shook his head, placing his book on his gold plate.

James and Peter, who were on the other side of the table, looked up long enough to stop scheming and include Remus in their plans. Both appeared delighted to see him.

"Oh, thank God, just the person we need!" James said, an evil glint in his light chocolate coloured eyes.

"Homework?" Remus guessed, missing the evil glint. He eyed the parchment pieces between James and Peter, bits of parchment both boys had their arms curled over as though to protect them from snooping passerby's.

James, Sirius and Peter rarely did their own homework, if they did it at all. Lately they had been turning to Remus for help, who helped them because he figured they would each pay him back, one day.

"You know Filch, the caretaker?" Peter asked Remus in a whisper, his flicking from side to side to check for any eavesdroppers. Remus knew him. He was older than Professor Dumbledore, a grizzly, wrinkled, limping man with a cat he adored, a cat all of the students loathed for its ability to know instinctively whenever a student was causing trouble. Remus nodded.

"What about him?" Remus pulled a jug of pumpkin juice closer and poured himself a glance, noticing that, though it was lunchtime (Sirius and James' favourite part of the day), both boy's plates were spotless.

"Well we were in the corridor outside of his office, right, standing there, just standing there, doing nothing, just standing there, when Filch happens to come along and suddenly a dungbomb goes off!" Sirius exclaimed all of this in a rush. He peered at Remus with wide open, guiltless eyes, gauging Remus' reaction.

"So?" Remus was confused.

"So, Sirius, Peter and I got a detention for doing nothing! Filch blamed us for the dungbomb, and when Sirius said it wasn't us (how could we possibly get a dungbomb in the first place?), Filch gave us another two detentions!"

A light bulb went off in Remus' head. He could guess exactly what Sirius was about to say.

"We want revenge. 'cept, we don't know what to do."

Remus smirked to himself.

"This is where you come in. We need your help, Remus. You're the brains here!" added Sirius unthoughtfully.

"Oi!" James kicked Sirius under the table.

"Yow! It's true!"

Sirius clutched his right leg to his chest protectively.

"That's gonna bruise," he hissed to himself, eyes like daggers. Peter sniggered.

"What if we get caught?" Remus enquired, half because he was curious, but half to stop a brawl erupting between James and Sirius.

"We will say you had nothing to do with it!" Sirius knew Remus was going to help them, but he also knew what Remus was trying to say. Remus didn't want anything to muck up his good reputation, something Sirius didn't exactly understand, but shrugged away as one of Remus' 'quirks'.

"Ok."

"Ok, you'll help?" James said eagerly.

"Ok, I'll help, James."

"Yes! Yes, yes, yes! Thank you, Remus!" Sirius raised his arms in victory, forgetting all about his 'injury', and Remus laughed.

"It needs to be big. Nothing petty, big, something that screams…"

Remus had agreed to help because he knew he'd never get any peace ever again if he didn't.

Remus also owed Sirius. Would forever owe him, and if helping to pull off one tiny little prank evened out the score between Remus and Sirius, then Remus was all for it.

XXX

The plan they came up with was simple. It was decided that it would take place at the end of the week, giving sufficient time for them to collect supplies and perfect spells.

They needed approximately one hundred dungbombs, and since they were too young to be allowed to go down to Hogsmeade, Sirius and James were faced with the task of using any and every means possible to get the dungbombs in under a week.

For Sirius and James, however, that was child's play.

Remus and Peter were charged with the relatively straightforward job of learning the spells.

"Right, so this spell will keep the dungbombs stuck beneath the tables and then this spell here will set them off at precisely the exact same time. We need to learn this one, too, if we aren't to be affected by the smell," added Remus, contemplatively. Peter, panicking, began to sweat profusely.

"Remus, I can't even pronounce the incantations!"

"Don't worry. It'll be okay, I will do the more complicated ones." Peter wasn't comforted at all by Remus' words. Remus, however, looked excited by the prospect of learning something outside of the classroom, something taxing and advanced.

By Wednesday afternoon, Sirius and James had all one hundred dungbombs. They ran all the way back to the Griffindor Tower, laughing hysterically and tossing the dungbombs between them.

"Remus! Remus, here, catch!" Sirius was by the open Griffindor Common Room entrance, and Remus was by the roaring fire, working with Peter, who was having far more difficulty than Remus mastering the spells.

"No, Sirius, don't-" The dungbombs explode when they make hard enough contact. Remus, doubting correctly his ability at catching, shouted the warning a bit too late.

The dungbomb left Sirius' hand to Remus' utter dismay, and Remus could only watched its flight through the air, and then its fall.

Something clicked in Remus' brain.

"Wingardium Leviosa!" He yelled, on his feet and wand raised. The dungbomb hung suspended in midair, and Remus breathed a sigh of relief.

"You know, Remus, you could have just caught it, but nice spell anyway. I think I've heard that one before." Remus gave Sirius a scathing look, and proceeded to manoeuvre the dungbomb gently down to join the others in their little collection.

"Are those the last ones?" Peter said, gesturing to Sirius and James' loaded down pockets.

"Yep. Told we wouldn't need all week. I mean come on! It's us who you're talking to!" Sirius said.

Peter blanched at his words, and sat down shakily, picking up his wand.

"Seprosa Levocoprus!" Peter waved his wand vaguely at the dungbomb sitting before him, and to his complete surprise, when Remus went to pick it up, it didn't budge.

"Yes! Good job, Peter! Now, do you think you could do all one hundred at once?"

At Peter's shaking head, a disappointed Remus presumed not.


	6. Mirth and Notes

Remus, Sirius, James and Peter walked into the Great Hall on Saturday morning, exhausted but keyed up.

They had spent last night in the Great Hall, prepping for the prank. Only Remus and Peter were supposed to have gone, but it had taken Peter the past three days to get 'Serprosa Levocoprus' down pat, and Sirius and James, bored with just watching, had decided to learn the spell too.

There was no keeping Sirius and James locked up when there was fun to be had, and anyway, Remus and Peter couldn't have hexed all of the dungbombs by themselves.

They had snuck out just after two in the morning, Remus close to hyperventilating the entire time. He hadn't wanted to go, but Remus figured Sirius, James and Peter would need all the help keeping quiet that they could get, and Remus had mastered silencing charms.

Sirius, Remus, James and Peter had gotten out of the Common Room easily enough, but the hallways were harder, particularly when carting about one hundred dungbombs.

Remus had cast 'silencio' on all of their feet, and then on the portraits lining the walls when the portraits had woken up and started threatening to shriek for a Professor to tell the boys off for breaking curfew. James, Sirius and Peter had to stop every few feet and adjust the dungbombs they carried in their pocket and in sacks around their shoulders, and all the while Remus had to remind himself that breathing was good and should be done.

They had made their way to the Great Hall, silently swearing like sailors the entire time, having had to move so slowly so as not to disrupt a dungbomb. Remus was designated as the one to peek and check that the Great Hall was clear.

He had waved Sirius, James and Peter on, then shut and locked the doors behind them with an incantation learnt specifically for the job.

"Careful, careful! Set them over there. Hurry!"

Remus hadn't been able to keep his eyes off the doors, straining to hear if anyone was approaching them so that he could warn the others to hide in time. He knew that being found breaking curfew and attempting to pull off a prank might have him expelled from Hogwarts, and he had really wished he wasn't risking his future. Remus had thought that he was going to hurl.

"Remus!" Hissed James. Remus had cast one last silencing charm on the doors before reluctantly making his way over to where the three boys crouched, their heads bent together.

"What? Twenty five dungbombs to a table. I'll take these and that one. Hurry up!" Remus had taken the overflowing bag in question and had proceeded to mutter 'Wingardium Leviosa' then 'Seprosa Levocorprus' for all twenty five dungbombs, until each dungbomb was stuck underneath the table that the Slytherins usually sat at. The dungbombs were separated by two metres Remus had to crawl, so by the time he had reached the very end of the table, the end near the Professor's table, he had been filthy and covered from head to toe in dust.

"Guys? Guys? You done?" Yep was the answer, repeated three times.

They had scampered out of the Great Hall, running so fast it was almost as though they thought they had dementors on their heels, swooping after them.

Remus, sick with nerves and feeling lightheaded, couldn't touch his breakfast. Sirius and James, however, were looking impatient.

"When should we do it? Now? Remus? James? Should we do it now? Oi! Heaps of people are here… Remus, you look sick." Sirius' silvery eyes looked like those belonging to a madman.

"Yes," sighed Remus.

My last meal at Hogwarts… I am so dead, thought Remus.

"Let's just get it over with."

All four boys drew out their wands as not-conspicuously as possible.

"Me first. Redifiy," Remus' voice was shaky. He directed his charm at the air above their heads, and after half a second a shimmery veil fell on all four sides of their little group. Remus allowed himself a smile for the flawless execution of his spell.

"Excellent. I can now only smell Peter's socks." Peter punched Sirius' arm.

"Now for the explosions. Emellshow!" James exclaimed, and the others copied. Remus' voice was lost beneath James' lively call.

The Great Hall was suddenly, and terrifyingly, lit up with one hundred bright blue flashes, and everyone, perplexed and befuddled, had to turn away and shield their eyes.

Remus' plan had been a good one. Each of the dungbombs was connected to the other. Connecting the essence of one thing to anything was difficult for even the fourth-years to get right. The spell 'emellshow' had exploded them all at once beneath the tables where they were still stuck.

The students screeched and yelled and jumped up from their seats, alarm written in block letters across their foreheads. A few wisely backed away from the tables, wide eyed and staring, bits of half-eaten toast and fruit held in their trembling hands.

At first it seemed the smell the dungbombs surely emitted didn't register with them, but then the students began to bolt for the doors, and Remus knew that their noses had finally caught up with their brains.

James, Sirius and Peter howled in their seats, tears of laughter falling from their eyes. Sirius slung an arm around Remus and screamed 'best prank EVER!' into his ear.

Remus watched the Great Hall empty in fascination, aware that if the four of them were smart they really should have diverted suspicion away from themselves. The students had their arms and hands and robes covering their mouths and noses as they tried not to breath in the putrid air, to no avail. The first years were in awe, the sixth and seventh years were disgusted, and Remus cracked.

He joined Sirius, Peter and James in rolling about.

A Prefect was attempting, in vain, to diffuse some of the smell, but he soon gave up his brave attempts and hightailed out of there.

One overweight and round boy in second-year was pushed into a bowl of porridge, and James got splattered with the grey bits.

A Slytherin fifth-year threw a green apple at Peter's head, working out that the four still-sitting Griffindor boys had a hand in the pranks. She didn't come over to them to yell about it, though, unwilling to reveal her mouth and nose.

Remus applied pressure to his stitches, safe on the other side of the veil.

He never, in a million years, would have imagined pulling off a prank of this size and magnitude. The aftermath would be very bad, Remus knew, but he was too busy swiping at tears and keeping Sirius from rolling around on the ground to care.

The stampede of students didn't stop for a long while. Hardly any of them, even the older students, had thought to create a veil like Remus' or a clever little bubble that looked like a fishbowl but gave you clean air, like the ones the Professors were wearing on their heads. Peter pointed the ridiculous looking Professors out to the other three, and they choked on their hilarity.

Eventually only the Professors remained, trying fruitlessly to fan away and clear the air.

Professor McGonagall connected the dots. She marched straight up to the four cackling first-years, her nostrils flaring and mouth in a thin, thin line. The bubble around her head ruined the effect.

"Detention, all of you! Stop laughing, Potter! Pettigrew, wipe that smirk off your face this instant! I have never been more disappointed in Griffindors, especially you, Lupin! I thought you were smarter than that! All of you will help clean up this mess and then you will report to me in my office! Get to work! And seventy points from Griffindor!"

She stormed off. Sirius, looking furtively around him, quoted her.

"Detention, all of you! I thought you were smarter than that! I don't think we could have gotten any smarter! That was genius, guys, it was spectacular! Don't kick me James, what- oh." Sirius, looking abashed, avoided eye contact with Professor Dumbledore, who had crept up behind Sirius in that way of his.

"Marvellous, if I do say so myself. No one has ever done that before, and that was not easy, I suspect."

Professor Dumbledore winked at them, smiled hugely, and then he strolled away, humming tunelessly to himself. Remus watched him go, noting that the Professor didn't have an upside down fishbowl on his head.

XXX

Detention with Professor McGonagall went about as well as Remus had expected.

The cleanup of the Great Hall had taken them until lunchtime, but they didn't have a chance to grab any food because Professor McGonagall was expecting them, as Professor Amberlinger and Salassy saw fit to remind them.

Professor McGonagall had calmed down a tad. She saw how exhausted the four boys were, though they still looked too pleased at their brilliance. She set them lines to write, warning them not to get too comfortable because the instant they were done she would set them doing something else.

~I, Remus Lupin, promise that I will not cause trouble in the Great Hall again.~

A stupid line, Remus thought, but he wrote another three times.

~I, Remus Lupin, promise that I will not cause trouble in the Great Hall again.~

Sirius, James and Peter had to write similar lines whilst the Professor marked homework from the second-years.

~I, Remus Lupin, promise that I will not cause trouble in the Great Hall again.~

Remus was just getting into a flow when a note from Sirius floated down beside his elbow. Snatching it up, Remus shot Sirius a look he didn't see.

~I am BORED. BORED. We do not deserve this treatment, just because we were funny and she is jealous.~

~Honestly, Sirius, we did make a mess.~

Remus used his wand to fling the note at Sirius.

~I, Remus Lupin, promise that I will not cause trouble in the Great Hall again.~

The scrunched up note hit Remus in the foot. Sirius had probably thrown it, somehow managing to avoid Professor McGonagall's eye.

~I am still BORED, Remus. Why can't we sit together? It's not fair! Did you know as we came here, some first years and even some second and thirds came up and congratulated me on our success? Andromeda thinks we are ingenious.~

Remus marvelled at Sirius' lovely, cursive writing.

~No, I did not know that. Still. How many lines have you written?~

~NONE, Remus! Goody-two-shoes. You are supposed to be entertaining me, as any good friend would. James would. Tell me a joke.~

~I don't know any jokes that you have not heard. Entertain yourself. Throw something at James, or Peter. I have to write these lines because I do not want the Prof. to expel me.~

~James is too far away! And she can't do that because you won't write a few LINES! I won't let her!~

~Thanks, Sirius. There is actually a spell that lets you copy words. If only I could remember it…~

~REMUS! YOU TELL ME THIS NOW?! I HAVE WRITTEN FIVE LINES THANKS TO YOU! HURRY UP AND REMEMBER! WE CAN BE FREE TO CAUSE MORE HAVOC ON THIS GLORIOUS WINTER DAY!~

~It's not winter yet, Sirius. And I don't think letting you free to 'cause more havoc' is a wise idea. I've remembered the spell. Try 'shempio repeateed'. DON"T LET THE PROF. SEE YOUR WAND!~

~What do you take me for?~

Sirius gave Remus a blithering look and yanked out his wand. Remus cast an uneasy eye over at Professor McGonagall who was busy telling James that if he didn't write the lines he would have to stay in detention for all of the next day too.

"Shempio repeateed," muttered Sirius, wand poised over his parchment. Words began to scrawl themselves down his page, and he looked at Remus triumphantly. Remus held up his own parchment to show Sirius that both sides had been filled. Sirius scowled, then shot his hand up in the air.

"Professor! I am done!"

"Mr Black, keep your voice down, if you please. Show me your parchment, you to, Mr Lupin."

Remus hid the notes he and Sirius had written in his pocket, and handed the lines over to her. She rose her eyebrows at them, then sent them to clean out the cages of the rats she kept for the advanced Transfiguration classes, warning the two boys that magic was not be used as she settled back behind her desk.


	7. Christmas

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"WAKE UP! WAKE UP!"

Remus shot up in his bed, groggy and unfocused.

"What-?" He rubbed his eyes, and checked the moon's progress in the sky out of the window beside his bed. It was five o'clock, he deduced. Five o'clock in the morning was not an appropriate time to be woken up.

"Wake up! James!" Sirius was still carrying on, bellowing too loudly for Remus' ears. Remus fell back, hands holding his splitting head together.

"James!" A dull thud could be heard coming from the other side of Remus' curtains.

"Get off, you git! It's too early for snow!"

James' voice, sounding whiny and petulant. He has a point, Remus thought to himself, able to hear what he thought to be a pillow fight through the pathetic blockade of his fingers.

"OW, James! Aw, you're no fun. REMUS!"

James had shooed away Sirius successfully, but now Sirius had another target. One, two, three… Sure enough, Remus' semi-shut curtains were ripped open. Sirius appeared in the crack, his eyes glowing in the darkness. He held a pillow with one hand, and began raising it, smirking wickedly.

"No! Sirius-" Sirius attacked Remus with the pillow. It felt as though it was full of lead. Knowing Sirius, Remus theorised it probably was. When the pillow got boring, Sirius threw it aside and tickled Remus senseless.

"Get off…" Remus panted, shoving Sirius with all the force he could muster.

"Be glad I ca-n't…reach…my…wand…"

"Pfft. Would you hex me, Remus?" Sirius released Remus, who wheezed.

"Yes. Seriously?" Remus touched his aching ribs gingerly.

"No, Sirius, Remus," said Sirius, with an emphasis on the ius and an eyeroll.

"Haha. Ow. Why so early? The snow won't go away, not for another week." Sirius came across as flabbergasted.

"What? Remus, It's CHRISTMAS MORNING!' Sirius spluttered with difficulty.

"Get up, come on!"

How could Remus have forgotten? For the past two weeks Remus' whole life had revolved around Christmas and preparing for Christmas and waiting excitedly for Christmas.

A month had passed since the 'Great Hall Prank', as James and Sirius had fondly named it. The last three weeks of term had been spent in a mad rush as Professors tried to cram their student's heads full of knowledge in time for their examinations. The seventh and fifth-years had scurried around with eyes rimmed in shadows from lack of sleep as they stressed and worried. The seventh-years would be sitting their NEWT's at the end of the year, and the coming examinations were in preparation for that. The fifth-year students would be taking their OWL's. Every other year sat examinations too, but not as important ones.

Remus had come away with flying colours in nearly every subject, and so had Sirius and James. Peter hadn't, and Remus had offered to tutor him, a kindness Peter accepted.

The term had ended a week before Christmas, and the students had gone home for the holidays. Remus had to stay back, for he had nowhere else to go. He wasn't thrilled about it, but being able to read a book at his own pace had Remus feeling better about the abandonment he would have to face. His friends would be back before long, anyway, and the Professors would still be at Hogwarts with him.

It was a Godsend that the full moon did not occur on Christmas. Remus would have disliked to interrupt Matron Pomfrey's holiday and taken up more of her time.

Remus escorted James, Sirius and Peter to the train station in Hogmeade where they and the other students going home would catch the Hogwarts Express. Peter had boarded, but at the very last moment, Sirius had reversed out of the carriage, a sheen to his face that hadn't been there a second ago. He declared that he had changed his mind and would be staying for the holidays.

"Hey, one of us has got to stay with Remy here, right?" There was a lit to Sirius' voice Remus hated. It was patronization at its finest, but it was also something derogatory, something Remus had no idea if it was intended for him, or Sirius himself.

Sirius had been acting so strange all week leading up to the holidays. It was as though he was absolutely petrified to go home to his family, and Remus hadn't the foggiest idea why. Sirius didn't offer any explanation. He backed out of conversations, and the conniving between Sirius and James was more just Sirius and James hiding words behind hands and straining smiles. Remus speculated the notion of Sirius' behaviour as just Remus being overly finicky.

"Christmas at the House of Black is always the exactly the same, anyhow."

James had taken one look at his best friend and agreed to stay with him and Remus, not looking putout at all by the idea.

Remus, baffled but nevertheless elated to be having company, had stood shoulder to shoulder with Sirius and James and waved a left-out Peter goodbye.

The Professors, the elves, (who never left unless asked), and the ghosts, (who were bound to the premises), a Ravenclaw brother and sister, (both third-years), a seventh-year in Slytherin and a Hufflepuff fifth-year had remained along with Remus, Sirius and James, so Hogwarts was not fantastically empty as Remus might've liked. It didn't stay tranquil for long (not with Sirius and James there), even without the hoards of students usually causing madness in the hallways.

Hogwarts was decorated marvellously for them.

No less than twelve Christmas trees had been hauled into the Great Hall by the burly gameskeeper. They were decorated in red and green and gold by Professors Amberlinger and Slughorn. Tinsel was hung spontaneously and fake snow was made to fall, small piles of the impossible-to-melt stuff in the corners of every room. Mistletoe crept down the chandeliers and brambles of holy could be found where you least expected them. Bells and twinkling lights glowed in the entrance ways.

The Professors and elves out-did themselves, and even the Slytherin was smiling and happy.

Remus had marvelled over it all, and the lengths everyone was going to. He had never experienced a Christmas before. It was all new to him, but he didn't want Sirius and James to know that. Questions about no Christmas would lead to questions about his lycanthropy, and he couldn't answer the questions about one thing without explaining the other. So he stayed silent as Sirius and James told him about their Christmas' past, with rowdy family members and presents galore, comparing their versions to his own.

The earliest Christmas he could remember had been a full moon and Remus had been seven. He only knew it was Christmas because his parents had been away at Church all day, and they only went to Church at Christmas. Remus could hear the Church bells ringing from where he was locked up.

Another Christmas he recalled was one when he was in St Mungo's. The other werewolves in the big room they shared whenever it was not a full moon had a mound of gifts at the foot of their beds. Remus had nothing but a card saying that his parents unfortunately were taking a trip to Europe and wouldn't see him until his birthday. Remus had slept all day to escape the merriness everybody but he had felt.

Remus couldn't possibly have told Sirius or James any of that.

Sirius, James and Remus got into a routine. They overslept and went straight to lunch, bypassing breakfast. The meals were small affairs, made loud by Sirius and James who pulled pranks on one another and broke into song and dance.

Snow started to fall. Remus wanted to curl around a book beside the fire in the Griffindor common room, but Sirius and James were having none of that.

"Snow is for throwing," they alleged,

"Not for just regarding!" They dragged Remus away from his books with Remus' half-formed arguments on his lips.

The snow fell in heavy sheets that blanketed the tall spires and towers of Hogwarts and its grounds. Sirius, James and Remus had vicious, deadly snowball fights and built enormous forts (with the partial help of magic) and made lopsided snowmen.

Remus was becoming more confident just by being around Sirius and James. They were drawing him out of his shell with the help of rock-hard snow, and Remus was faster to laugh.

Turkey and pork and cranberry sauce and gingerbread and apple pie with thick custard and orange-syrup cakes was served every night for dinner as a choir of ghosts sung carols. Afterwards Remus, Sirius and James would get in another hour of snow before it got too cold. They would then retire, playing exploding snap and wizard's chess and eating marshmallows they toasted in the Griffindor Common Room. They drank scalding hot chocolate, wholly addicted to the creamy stuff.

Remus collapsed, spent, on his bed, night after night.

Christmas Eve rolled around abruptly, and Remus still hadn't read a single book or even begun his holiday homework, a foot long essay on giants for his Defence Against the Dark Arts class and nine inches on a potion they had to research for Professor Slughorn.

Remus was having more fun than he had ever had before, more fun than Christmas had ever brought him before, and homework would have ruined Remus' perfect piece of bliss.

Part of the excitement of Christmas is the coming of Christmas, the waiting period. Christmas Eve had Sirius and James hyper and talking non-stop about the presents they expected to receive and of presents they had gotten before. Remus was not expecting any presents this year; had not expected nor received any presents last year, or the year before that.

It had taken Remus even longer than Sirius to fall asleep.

"COME ON, REMUS! PRESENTS NEED OPENING, NOW! NOW, REMUS!"

Sirius' voice jolted Remus back to his present and he pulled on his dressing gown methodically. James, stretching and ruffling his mop of hair, followed a laughing Sirius down the stairs without bothering with his own robe. Remus didn't have to tell Sirius to shut it, luckily. It felt like they were the only three people in the world.

"YES! WHOO! HURRY UP, REMUS, YOU SLOW GIT!"

Sirius was unable to talk like a normal person. Sighing, Remus focused on tying the tie on his dressing gown as he walked down the stairs.

The Griffindor Common Room had been completely upended.

A Christmas tree had been shoved into the corner beside the fire sometime during the last couple of days by elves. Remus hadn't noticed the new addition until now. Beneath its emerald green branches lay presents and cards piled in red, gold, silver and green mounds. Wrapping paper was strewn about the room in discarded piles Remus took care to step over in his slippered feet.

"Making a mess, aren't we?" He said, noncommittally, but nobody heard him.

Remus could see James holding a thin, long shaped gift, reading the card it came with. Sirius was rummaging around underneath the tree, his legs in the air.

"Come on, come on…got it!" Triumphant he held the gift aloft and backed his way out.

"Remus that's your pile, over there." Sirius indicated a couch, his throat working to swallow what looked like a mouthful of Bertie's Every Flavour Beans.

Remus watched him in amusement. Then Sirius' words registered.

"I got…presents?"

Sirius gazed at Remus, thinking he was rather slow this morning.

"Duh. Christmas. Remember? We had this conversation, Remus. James, tell him."

James, who was staring dumbstruck at what looked to be a new broomstick (Remus should have known by the shape of the present), didn't hear Sirius.

"Uh, James? You ok?"

"I'm not okay," James said, hoarsely, eyes round as saucers.

"I am bloody fantastic! Do you know what this is? Do you? Do you?"

"It's a- it's a-"

"Spit it out, James!"

"It's a NIMBUS!"

"WHAT?"

James hooted at the unmistakeable envy in Sirius' voice.

"Give it here! Prove it!" Sirius made a pass for the broomstick but James was too quick. He ran around the common room with the broomstick over his head, squealing indecipherable words and avoiding Sirius like he was the plague.

Remus grinned at them. They wouldn't be getting anything out of James for a while.

Remus made his way over to the couch holding his presents, navigating the room with caution. Sirius had his own presents scattered about; a new set of robes, a bag full to the brim with lollies, Fizzing Frisbees, dungbombs…

Who would give Sirius, of all people, dungbombs?

Remus sat down, unreservedly dumbfounded at someone's idiocy. Maybe it was James, or Peter.

Remus was candidly flabbergasted at his pile of gifts. It was not a big pile. There were perhaps three or four presents there, but there were three or four presents there, all for Remus!

He wanted to save this moment, this slice of time. Remus breathed in, holding one of the presents in his hands, getting a feel for the weight.

"Hurry up, Remus!" Said around a revolting chewed up ball of beans. Sirius was observing Remus, all of his own presents open already, and James too far out of reach.

Remus looked down at the present in his lap, and unstuck the envelope. He slit it and pulled out the card.

~To Remus, MERRY CHRISTMAS! Love from the bestest friend EVER, Sirius~

"Sirius, I-I didn't get you anything… Sirius-"

"Just open it!"

Remus with one last scandalised look at Sirius, inch by precious inch, tore back the shiny red paper to reveal a slab of chocolate and-and-

"Oh, Sirius, it's beautiful!" Choking back a rising ball of tears, Remus picked it up with his thumb and forefinger.

Sirius had given Remus a lovely ivory coloured quill with black spots dotting the edges. Remus had never held anything so fine and elegant and expensive.

The tears threatened to overspill.

"Sirius, it's too much… You have to take it back."

Sirius had gotten the idea for Remus' present one day when he noticed how Remus' current quills always left splotches of ink on Remus' fingers. He knew Remus hated his quills but would never have asked his friends for another. Remus was weird about sharing.

"Nonsense! It was a bit but, you know, not that much…" his voice faded away. Awkwardly, Sirius wringed his fingers, picking up a bit of wrapping paper and tearing it to shreds.

"I didn't get you anything. Sirius, I am so sorry."

Remus felt like the worst friend in the world, and it showed on his face.

"I have no money, Sirius, I am so sorry, I will make it up to you!"

Sirius knew Remus had no money. Everyone knew.

"It's ok, Remus, really. We are friends."

Calmed moderately, Remus vowed he would stay true to his word.

"I love it. Sirius, you are awesome, I love it. Thank you."

"I'm glad you like it, Remus, I really am."

Remus saw how uncomfortable he was making Sirius, idly. He grinned inattentively at Sirius again, wondering just how he could make it up to Sirius, and then laid the quill gently down beside him on the arm of the couch. Remus picked up his next present and ceremoniously positioned it on his lap.

This one was bigger than Sirius' had been, and heavier.

Curiosity grabbed at Remus and he tore it open faster than he had Sirius' present. Inside was a chocolate mud cake covered in thick chocolate icing. The words 'Merry Christmas, Remus' were typed across a piece of parchment that had fallen to the ground at Remus' feet.

It was from the elves. Remus would visit them next chance he got, the next chance that wasn't a full moon to dampen his spirits.

Remus saw them every full moon because after the full moon he got very hungry. He had gotten close enough to them to classify a couple of them as his friends, and the cake proved it.

"YUM! Remus, Remus, can I have a piece?" Sirius was like a puppy, his tongue lolling out of the side of his mouth. Remus used his wand to cut both Sirius and himself a healthy slice.

They gobbled it up hardly without chewing. It was the best cake Remus had ever had. Sirius handed Remus his final present and Remus savoured the feel of it in his hands.

~To Remus, Merry Christmas! From Peter and James~

The writing was James'. There was no way Remus could mistake that brand of untidiness.

What had Peter and James had given him, Remus conjectured. The wrapping paper revealed a box of Bertie's Every Flavour Beans, stringy liquorice and a sack of dungbombs and Fizzing Frisbees.

"Thank you, James. Thank you so much." James waved at him.

"Nothing, it was nothing."

"James, I am sorry I didn't give you anything." Remus said, timidly.

Why didn't I think to ask Professor Dumbledore for help? Remus berated himself. He was almost sure Professor Dumbledore would have helped Remus to rack up something for his friends.

"Don't worry. Come here, though, you have to see this! Look what my dad has given me!"

Sirius bounded away at James' call, and Remus, relieved, realised that no one had asked any questions about why he hadn't gotten any presents from his parents.

Remus rewrapped his presents and piled them back up. He had the best friends anyone could have. He was having the best Christmas he had ever had. He had actually gotten presents! It was a miracle, really, Remus thought.

Sirius' present was the first Remus had ever received, and forever Remus would cherish it. He had to pay him back.

Remus made his way over to where his two best friends sat by the lively fire.

"It's an invisibility cloak!"


	8. Elves

It was midmorning on a pristine Saturday, the first Saturday of January.

Christmas and the remainder of the short holiday had passed in a blur. Hogwarts had been returned to its former state, the other students were back from their families.

Remus, James and Sirius had greeted Peter with much keenness, James and Sirius fighting to tell Peter all about what they and Remus had been up to. Peter listened in covetous silence, James and Sirius not giving Peter much chance to interject and talk about his own holiday.

James and Sirius commented repeatedly, especially in class, about how much they missed being free to do whatever they liked. Remus, however, was happy to be getting back to his studies and his reading. He didn't bother telling them that.

On that frosty Saturday, Remus had chosen to spend the day without his friends.

There was a Quidditch match going on, a rivalry match between the Griffindors and the Slytherins. Sirius, James and Peter had woken up early (for a change), dressed in red and gold and had tried, in vain, to get Remus to join them for breakfast and then the match.

Remus had other ideas. What's more, Remus didn't like the bustling, rowdy crowd the Quidditch drew. Remus felt Quidditch brought the worst out of people; their competitive sides. Sirius and James were mad Quidditch fans, along with three quarters of the school and the wizarding population.

Neither Sirius nor James had gotten on the Griffindor team (not for lack of trying), but they didn't like Quidditch any less for it. This was a match they couldn't miss.

The matches were repetitive and monotonous. If you weren't playing, that is. Remus liked how empty Hogwarts got whenever a match was on, and it was emptiness he needed today if he was going to achieve his goal.

Remus guaranteed Sirius, James and Peter that he would spend his day in the library. Parting ways with them at the fat lady's portrait, he headed off in the opposite route to them. When Remus was positive he was out of his friend's sight, he veered back the way he came, his gait brisk to make up for lost time.

It was not, strictly, that Remus didn't want his friends to know what he was doing. Well, it was that. No one could know where he was going. He was allowed in the kitchens of Hogwarts, and Professor Dumbledore had trusted that he wouldn't spread the word about how to get into the kitchens, for fear that if everyone knew, the elves would get distraught.

Remus went back into Griffindor Tower and ran up the stairs to his dormitory. Remus had organised a gift for the elves for everything they had done for him. The full moons, late night snacks, Christmas present… Remus owed Sirius, James and Peter still. Seeing the elves that day would make up for at least part of what Remus owed the world. Remus seemed to be in everyone's debt, and he hated that.

Rustling about in his trunk for the parcel he had wrapped in brown paper and tied off with a string, Remus hoped he had done enough for the elves. The parcel was nothing fancy at all, but Remus didn't want to be outstanding in anyway, not when he would have to carry it to the elves all throughout Hogwarts.

Remus hugged the parcel to his chest, closing his trunk with his other hand. He sprinted out of Griffindor Tower.

Remus passed not a soul in the halls. It was eerily quiet. Remus went down several flights of stairs until he came to the corridor just off the one leading to the dungeons. The kitchens were directly beneath the Great Hall for ease of transfer of food.

Remus turned down the corridor, moving unhesitatingly to stand before a picture of a fruit bowl. It stood out from the paintings around it, the bright colours beckoning Remus like a bug to a light.

With one dainty pinky finger, Remus tickled the green pear. It squirmed beneath his incessant finger, trying to elude his touch, before having to give in. It moulded into a green coloured door handle, the exact same green the pear had been.

Remus grasped it, turning it clockwise and juggling the parcel to his right arm. The warmth from the kitchen drew him in invitingly. He stepped inside, shutting the door warily behind him.

At once he was assaulted by loud, joyous cries as elves no taller than his waist ran up to him and enveloped his legs in hugs.

"Master Remus! Master Remus! It's not the full moon yet, is it?"

The elves were always so excited to see him. Remus smiled. He felt bad, not for the last time. Remus didn't think the elves got a lot of visitors besides from Professor Dumbledore and himself.

"No, no it's not the full moon. I am sorry I haven't visited." Remus smiled at their clinginess as they lead him to a chair positioned in front of a roaring fire with blue flames. The fireplace was two times as big as the one in the Griffindor Common Room and gave off the heat Remus had felt upon arrival. He was sweating.

He didn't know how the elves stood it, day in and day out, but then again, they were dressed in bare all.

The kitchen was just as big as the Great Hall, if not bigger. It even had the same four long tables the Great Hall did, but also had stovetops, benches, cupboards, stools, pots and pans and groceries.

The elves were getting ready for lunch, Remus suspected. There were hundreds of them, at least a third of them crowded around Remus, who felt like a giant. They peered at him with their bulbous eyes.

"Master Remus, Master Remus! Are you well? Can we get you some food? Are you hungry? Of course you are!" A cacophony of squeaks and shouts and calls and cries that Remus couldn't separate. He usually left the kitchens with a headache, and today would be no exception.

They ignored Remus' refusals. He was not hungry, for once not there for food or company. He set the plates aside, but they kept coming.

Remus tried to tell them they were wasting the food, but the elves were having none of that, either.

They ran around madly, loading Remus up with delicacies and hot tea, warning him not to drink or eat too quickly otherwise he would get a sore stomach. They asked him if he was too hot or cold, removing his cloak and hanging it up.

It was only when Remus spoke that they stilled.

"I am okay, really. Thank you. I am sorry to barge in on you, I know you are getting ready for lunch. I came to say how grateful I am for your gift. The chocolate cake was amazing, truly."

Remus stood up to say this so that the elves at the back could see him too. He held his hands clasped behind his back, looking very formal and regal.

The eyes of the elves held all of the respect in the world for this shy, scarred boy who was so sick when they saw him usually. Today he shone with health.

"It was nothing, nothing at all! We are so happy you liked it, Master Remus, so happy!"

Why did people say they had done nothing, when what they had done meant so much? Remus nodded, then continued, sitting back down on his stool and pulling the parcel he had brought with him onto his lap.

"I wanted to return the favour. Give you something back."

You could have heard a pin drop.

"Master Remus?" Confusion. The elves moved as one, backing away from Remus. Remus noticed, sighing.

"Um, who- who made the, er, chocolate cake you gave me?"

An elderly elf with hunched shoulders and drooping ears stepped forward. She was dressed in the same neat tea-towel all of the elves had on.

"Master?" Tremors wracked her body. What was she expecting?

"Here. Please, would you open it?" Remus said abruptly. She nodded, accepting the parcel like it would explode if she wasn't precise enough.

She knelt down with trouble, her knobbly knees unable to support her weight for too long. Remus helped lower her down, helped her arthritic fingers to loosen the too well tied knot.

The brown paper at long last and to the interest of the elves, peeled away to expose a mismatched mass of socks and ribbons and little berets.

"Ooh," the old house elf sucked in a puff of air, one of her fingers stroking a lilac coloured ribbon in awe.

"For- us?"

"Yes, for all of you to share."

Remus felt self conscious and out of his depth. The elves did not like getting anything in return for their services. They asked only for kindness. Remus aspired for the elves to take his gifts and use them.

"Thank you," murmured the elf. Did that mean they would accept them?

The elf stood up, opened parcel in her arms. Remus saw something in her eyes. Something that looked like denial.

"Please. Take them. Share them." At that, Remus rose, not wanting to overstay his welcome. He thought he saw some hostile looks being sent his way, but on second glance, he was just imagining it.

"I have to go now. Thank you, again."


	9. Hexing Slytherins

**Hey, reader. **

**Just wanted to thank you for reading this, and also ask that you maybe review the previous chapters, or the upcoming ones. Whatever suits you. Just tell me what you like/hate/love, I don't care, but I need to know. **

**Please, please, please review! It is awful to have to beg, so don't make me do it again. **

Remus became cognisant to the stares and the whispers ultimately one day as he walked to the library.

And, really, he should have noticed far earlier than then.

No, he should have just paid more attention to them.

Remus was alone, James, Sirius and Peter back in the Griffindor Common Room. They had been eating chocolate frogs and explaining to the muggle-born first years about dementors when Remus had left them.

Remus was thinking over the essay he had to write for Defence Against the Dark Arts, walking along on automatic, his feet knowing the route without needing to be guided.

So when the tripwire shot out from a wand to his right, all he saw was the blue flash out of the corner of his eye.

Remus' papers and books spilled from his hands as he flung his arms out to catch himself before his nose hit the floor. He blushed from his hairline to his toes.

He felt compromised and vulnerable and stupid. He did not want to give his attackers any satisfaction, so he got to his knees without a word.

Remus unwrapped the wire wrapped around his ankles, forgetting in his mortification that he had a wand he could use to do that for him.

Remus fished around in his pocket for his wand. He gathered his books with an 'accio' spell, his pulse erratic and echoing in his ears. He expected, witheringly, for another hex to hit him.

Remus got to his feet, the Slytherins who had evidently shot that spell at him laughing outrageously. They were first-years. Remus knew them from his potions and Astronomy classes.

"What's the matter, Loopy? No friends to defend you?"

The Slytherin who said that, something Carrow, sneered haughtily at Remus. Remus ignored the burly first-year as best as he could and continued down the corridor, returning his attention back to his unwritten essay.

Remus had hoped that the Slytherins would get bored of him if didn't retaliate, but he had no such luck. The Slytherins followed Remus, Carrow their little ring-leader, even though Remus knew for a fact that Carrow's head was filled with sawdust.

Then the whispers that had always followed Remus but never been loud enough for him to hear started.

"Lonely, Loopy Lupin. Have your friends finally gotten sick of your pathetic-ness?"

"Loopy Lupin, so poor he has to pay Black to be friends with him."

What? They said that behind his back? How had he never heard that before? Remus had in no way ever felt so naïve as he did in that moment.

Remus knew he was different, but he didn't think it was that obvious!

He hadn't, at least.

His classmates didn't know he was a werewolf, but Remus had second-hand clothes. He had a past that nobody knew about. Remus was scrawny and scarred and studious, and the crevice of a difference between Remus and the whole school had violently split apart and grown into a chasm, somehow.

Remus had severely underestimated his peers.

The Slytherins cracked up at their idiotic words, even though they weren't nearly as witty or funny as they seemed to believe.

They whispered about Remus' tattered cloak and patched up robes and scars. They stared and pointed at Remus, hooting to themselves, until Remus thought he might explode.

"No Black and Potter to protect you now!"

What? The whole incident, the stares and the whispers and the pointing and remarks had come because Sirius and James weren't with Remus?

"Loopy Lupin, always hiding in Black's shadow. Not anymore."

These Slytherins were afraid of Sirius?

A light bulb went off in Remus' head.

It made sense, in a twisted kind of way.

Sirius was heir to the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black.

His cousins were in Slytherin; his parents and uncles and aunties and grandparents had all been Slytherins too. The Black family was all pure-blood and powerful.

They would only attack Remus if they thought that he was alone, with no Sirius to back him up.

It was an epiphany.

By just hanging out with Sirius, Remus was protected. Sirius, being a Black, was labelled 'dangerous' because of his family's history, whatever it was. Sirius had never talked about his family to Remus. He never acknowledged the looks Remus realised Sirius always got, wherever he went.

Everybody, even some of the Professors, treated Sirius like a bomb about to go off, Remus conclusively comprehended.

I am such a fool, Remus thought, stunned by himself.

The Slytherins were taking this rare opportunity Remus was without his friends to mock Remus and he could do nothing about it.

"Lupin, the Department for Crazies at St Mungo's wants their only patient back!"

That was a good one, Remus had to admit.

Then the Slytherins went quiet. Had they gone away?

"Furnunculus!" The curse shot over Remus' head and exploded against a stone column.

Remus felt the blush staining his cheeks drain away as he blanched.

Remus sped up his pace fractionally upon recognising the doorway to the library just up ahead.

"Locomotor Mortis!" Green fireworks dissipated around Remus' swiftly cast 'protego'.

When Remus finally entered the library he sighed, certain the Slytherins wouldn't set foot in a place they vetoed.

Remus was right, for the first time.

"See ya later, Loopy! Watch your back!" The Slytherins guffawed and passed the doorway.

Remus advanced to a seat out of view of the doorway and deposited his books and parchment.

He wasn't in the mood for work, not after the ambush he had just come away from barely intact.

XXX

Remus had discarded his cloak and thrown it on the back of his chair. He had opened up his books and had spread out his notes and parchment, but he had been lost in his thoughts for the past forty-five minutes and hadn't even started on his essay, instead choosing to roam the library and pull random books off of shelves and then replace them again.

The library had started to close for the night. It was just Remus and the librarian left.

With a sigh, Remus packed away his things, his parchment blank and the quill he had gotten from Sirius at Christmas untouched. He went to pull on his cloak again, only it was torn to shreds and coloured khaki green.

He shot to his feet, wand raised, scanning the library. As he suspected nothing moved.

Remus had an intense sense that the Slytherins from before had done it. They had snuck up behind him and had ruined his cloak.

Remus could have transfigured his cloak back, but he didn't, swearing to his drained self that he would do it when he got back to his dormitory.

It took Remus a good ten minutes to arrive back at the fat lady's portrait.

"Finagling lions."

The portrait swung backwards and Remus scrambled inside.

"Remus! We thought you would never come back!"

Sirius, James and Peter were relaxing by the fire, the only first-years in the Griffindor Common Room. Remus sighed, not in the mood for whatever they looked so eager to tell him.

He made his way over to his friends, not returning their smiles.

"Remus you'll never guess what prank we have just come up with, it's- Remus? You do know that your cloak is green?" No answer.

"Remus?" Sirius prodded, bemused.

"Hmm? Oh, yes, I know, Sirius. Thank you. Goodnight."

"Remus, I wasn't… finished. Goodnight?"

Remus navigated the Common Room, his eyes on his feet and his forehead wrinkled. He didn't apologise when his shoulder knocked into s third-year.

Sirius scrutinized Remus as he went. Remus had hooded eyes and a frown a mile long. Remus' eyes disclosed his focus on himself and his blindness to the world.

He was still carrying the green cloak over his arm.


	10. In Remus' Defence

**Dedicated to RemusXSirius, this story's first reviewer :)**

**More reviews would be awesome. **

"Locomotor." Sirius aimed his wand at the open saltshaker in front of him, concentration bending his eyebrows. James watched his friend with undisguised admiration.

Peter, shovelling lollies and cakes into his bag for later, was ignorant of the goings-on. Remus was vacantly staring at his plate, listening against his will to the conversations of the Slytherins behind him.

A thousand tiny white crystals gushed out of the saltshaker in a continuous stream. The salt came together to form a wobbling ball that hovered mid-air above Sirius' plate at the direction of Sirius' wand.

Sirius winked at James, oozing assurance and confidence.

Sirius flicked his wand and the ball drifted over to his empty goblet. The salt ball poured itself in, and James broke into applause at this cool show of wandmanship.

Sirius bowed, then moved to repeat a modified process with the bowl of sugar.

Sirius wanted, bitterly, for Remus to stop brooding and notice how tremendous Sirius' magic was.

The sugar was guided into the saltshaker, and the salt in turn was settled into the sugar bowl. James hollered, getting what Sirius was doing.

"That is so underhanded, you dog!" Sirius laughed and they slapped fists, Sirius basking in James' high opinion.

Remus chose that moment to break eye contact with his plate. Peter dumped his brimming bag at his feet.

"What's so underhanded?" Why had Peter asked that? Did he really want to know?

"You shall see, my apprentice!"

"Apprentice?" Remus asked Sirius, his eyes dim.

"Yes, apprentice! If you had looked up from your plate you might of seen what I just did!"

"I saw, Sirius. If you really were that 'amazing' you might have considered swapping all of the salt and all of the sugar on all of the tables."

Incredulous, Sirius and James stared at Remus.

"You are acting like a party-pooper, Remus! What Sirius just did was miraculous!"

Miraculous was the wrong word, Sirius thought. Sirius shot James a look, but James had one leg either side of the bench he was sitting on and was facing Remus, not him. James' eyes were blazing in the heat of defending his friend to Remus.

"It was not miraculous, James. It's been done before, with far bigger effect."

Remus stated this calmly and in an offhand manner. The Great Hall seemed suspended as Remus' words sank in.

The Griffindors closest to James, Sirius, Remus and Peter waited with bated breath for what would come next. The first-year Slytherins had hungry eyes.

Remus stood out from his friends; he didn't fit in. Many, especially the pure-bloods and the Slytherins figured it was about time Sirius and James realised it and took action. Peter squeaked.

"Are you okay, Remus?" James asked snidely, bridling. James pushed his glasses further up his nose with one finger. Sirius was noiseless, letting James do the talking.

"You've been walking around all sad-like ever since you came back from the library, what, five days ago?"

"Is this an intervention, James?" Remus knew it was. He knew unerringly what they were intervening.

The salt and sugar had nothing to do with any of it.

"No-"

"Yeah, it is, Remus. Are you mad at us?"

"Do you think you are above us now? Too smart for these 'jokes'?"

What? Remus felt ganged up on. It was two against one (no one really counted Peter who always sided with whoever was stronger), and Remus was hurt. He wasn't sure how they had gotten here. He wasn't sure who was in the wrong, but he did not think he was better than anyone, and he thought James was out of line and grasping at straws.

Was Remus made at them? Yeah. He was.

His 'friends' hadn't noticed the Slytherins who knocked Remus into walls.

They hadn't noticed the jeers aimed Remus' way, or the spells that tripped Remus up, or locked his legs together, or made him stutter, or made his homework disappear.

His 'friends' didn't notice when Remus' potions exploded and singed his eyebrows. His 'friends' hadn't noticed the unfriendly looks Remus was on the receiving end of from the Slytherins.

His 'friends' were so involved in their pranks that even now they didn't hear the chorus of 'Loopy Lupin' rising up from the table of Slytherins.

His 'friends' didn't notice Remus. Not when he was there with them; not when he was gone.

Remus had to wonder if his friends were in on the Slytherin's bullying. He had to wonder, for the sake of his pride and his everything.

Remus had been lingering wordless for too long. He saw the expressions of Sirius, James and Peter.

"Remus- Remus would tell us if he was mad, wouldn't you, Remus?" Things were splitting apart, and Sirius had to fix it.

"No, Sirius. I think Remus likes his secrets."

"You have no idea. You have no idea."

You have no idea how many secrets I am keeping. You have no idea how much I want to tell you everything. Remus wiped his face of emotion, his right hand wrapped around his too-thin left wrist.

Remus resorted back to his old habits of arriving at class too early.

"I'm going to Defence."

There was finality to Remus' tone. He hefted his bag onto his shoulder and strode away, his eyes too bright in his crumpling face.

The first-year Slytherins tagged along uninvited, seeing a perfect occasion for cruelty in the way only they could.

"We have to go to Defence too," twittered Peter. Grudgingly, James and Sirius got to their feet to follow Peter out of the Great Hall, averting their eyes from each other's own.

XXX

"Loopy Lupin, did you have a fight with your fri-ends?"

"Is that why you're crying, baby?"

"Did they finally tell you they were just pretending?"

They hadn't but they might as well have at the way Remus was feeling and the way Sirius and James had acted.

"Oi! Loopy! We are talking to you! Wingardium Leviosa!"

There was a bang as the spell hit Remus' back on the full.

To his dread, Remus felt himself rising uncontrollably; one foot, two feet, three feet above the ground, his legs dangling below him.

Remus' bag slid to the floor from his shoulder. He couldn't see his attacker, but Remus could see one of the Slytherins upending his bag and unstoppering his bottles of ink. Remus watched in morbid fascination as the Slytherin went about soaking all of Remus' homework and books in the black ink.

"Stop that! Put me down at once!"

"'Stop that! Stop that!'" Remus sounded nothing like how they mimicked him.

"Aw, Loopy here doesn't like being in the air, does he? Does he like being upside down better?"

Remus was turned around. He was infinitely sure that was worse and that he should have just shut his mouth.

The Slytherin who had him was one Remus had never seen before. The Slytherin was not alone. There was a crowd of people who had finished their lunch and had been heading towards class standing behind him, half of them Slytherins with their wands raised menacingly at Remus.

At the very back Sirius, James and Peter stood, each of them looking comically thunderstruck. Remus' eyes darted away and he blushed, humiliated to appear so weak and pitiable in front of them.

"Who wants to see Loopy upside down?" A cheer arose at the Slytherin's bold words.

Remus dug about in his robes for his wand.

"Does anyone want to see Loopy upside down?" Catcalls and fanatic clapping.

How much more affirmation did the guy want before he would just get the deed over and done with?

Remus closed his eyes as his stomach dropped. He was tantalisingly slowly spun upside down, the blood rushing to his face as his feet hit the ceiling.

Screams of amusement and applause had the Slytherin laughing at his achievement.

Remus hated the Professors at that moment. What good were they if they couldn't stop this?

He hated himself too, and his 'friends' who weren't doing a thing to help him.

Remus' arms swung above his head. They were too heavy to lift up and Remus swore to himself at missing his opportunity to get his wand out.

Remus blocked out the roars of laughter and giddiness, breathing in deeply.

He gritted his teeth.

"Accio wand."

Wand-less magic was near impossible for a first-year, and Remus didn't have much practise at it. He had never before needed to use it.

"Accio wand!" Remus had to keep trying.

"Accio Remus' wand!"

The Slytherins stopped laughing as Remus' eyes shot open. He was sorry an instant later when stars danced in front of them, but he had to keep them open. He had to find out what was going on.

Remus waited edgily for them to clear. When they did, he wondered if he was dreaming.

The Slytherins gasped as one when Remus' robes gaped open. His wand detached itself and flew to the charmer's hand, a black-haired boy who snatched it out of the air.

Remus wondered whose side this newcomer was on before realising, too late, that the charmer was Sirius.

"Sirius." Remus hadn't meant to say his name but it slipped out.

"Sirius?" Sirius was eye to eye with a petrified Remus whose imagination was conjuring up all sorts of things that Sirius could do to him when he was defence-less and unable to move.

Sirius was livid, but at who?

Sirius did none of these things. Sirius' hand found Remus' own, and Remus' wand passed from Sirius to Remus.

"I don't know the counter spell, Remus, I'm sorry." Sirius sounded forlorn, but it was ok, because Remus did, and Sirius had already done enough by just giving Remus his wand.

"Thank you, Sirius." Sirius didn't answer, but warmth melted some of the ice in Sirius' whipped back around, and Remus cast the counter spell at his feel amongst the mess of his books to snorts of derision, just as Sirius cried 'expelliarmus'.Remus blushed, the sticky ink now covering him too. He got quickly to work, getting his books and his satchel back to some order so he could help restrain Sirius.

"Tergeo." The ink started to fall away from Remus' things, but too slowly. Remus kept shooting looks at Sirius, who was stock-still. Remus gave up, shoving everything into his splattered satchel and hoisting it over his shoulder without doing it up.

Remus moved to stand beside Sirius, who was staring the Slytherin's down.

Or had been.

Sirius marched forwards before Remus could stop him. The Slytherins backed away from the Slytherin Sirius had his sights set on, the one to hex Remus.

A flicker of fear licked across the boy's shiny face, and Remus deliberated what the Slytherin saw in Sirius to make him look so anxious.

"You think you're so powerful, don't you? Creeping up behind someone, attacking them when their back is turned and they are alone and you are not…"

Sirius spat into the Slytherin's face, and James and Peter, who had worked their way to join Remus and Sirius, cheered.

The Slytherin wiped away the trickle of spit, disgust etching deep into his face.

"Black. You can't mean to tell me that the freak over there with his scars and second-hand robes is actually a person you're going to defend?"

"That person is my friend. Got a problem with that?"

"I would've thought that you would, with all your family's pure-blood mania, would. I would have thought a person like yourself would never lower themselves to cavorting with half-bloods like Loopy Lupin." The Slytherin sneered, and his followers chuckled.

Sirius' eyes glowered, and he stuck his wand into the Slytherin's cheek.

"Get your wand off me, are you crazy? You really are deranged Black, aren't you?"

The Slytherin rotated around, looking for all the world as though he was going to run.

Sirius put a stopper to that immediately.

"Wingardium Leviosa!"

Sirius was doing exactly to the Slytherin what the Slytherin had done to Remus, and Remus hated it.

"No, Sirius. Stop! He's not worth it." Remus touched Sirius' elbow tentatively.

"Sirius, it's ok. Let him go."

"They've been attacking you, haven't they? When you came back from the library with the green cloak, that was them. The exploding potions, the leg-locker curses, all them."

Rhetorical questions. Remus gave no answer but that was answer enough for Sirius, whose expression darkened.

"You know," Sirius said lightly, flaunting his wand about,

"I never really hated Slytherin. Not my favourite house but hardly terrible, you know? I don't think I would have loathed to end up there. Loathed being the same as my family, sure. Now I have changed my mind."

Remus saw fright in the eyes of everybody gathered in the hallway.

Sirius Black was living up to the reputation his family had created for him.

The Slytherin was by now facing Sirius and Remus again. Sirius snapped his wrist and the Slytherin fell from the air and collided into his 'friends', who pushed him away.

"If you ever, if anyone ever touches Remus again I swear to God… If you call him a name behind his back, if you put a spell on him or trip him up, I swear you will wish you never had." That was enough. The Slytherins and everybody else bolted down the hallway and Sirius collapsed against Remus, enveloping him in a hug.

"I am so sorry Remus. I am so sorry."


	11. Crushed Parchment

In, out. In, out.

Remus breathed in through his nostrils and out through his mouth.

In, out.

His head hurt. Throbbed with pain at every expulsion of air and inhalation.

In, out.

He had adopted the ritual when he was nine. It saw him through the seconds and minutes and hours after he had transformed back from werewolf to boy.

In, out.

Remus endeavoured to open his eyes. They had been glued shut, he thought languorously. That was the only explanation he could think of for why they would not open fully at his instruction.

He screamed in pain as they tore apart.

Remus blinked, shut them, opened his eyes again. They had been swollen shut, not glued.

In, out.

The slow repetitiveness helped Remus. It helped re-ground him, ordinarily.

It was not helping him now.

In, out.

Remus was returning to consciousness in fits and spasms, had been, for the past twelve minutes now. The moonlight had sluggishly faded away after eight arduous hours. Eight hours, Remus calculated in one of his more lucid moments.

The transformation back, the re-breaking of Remus' bones and then the agonising re-fusion of them, was not as ghastly as the first transformation of the night. 'Not as ghastly' did not mean it wasn't still excruciating.

Remus screamed, his voice raw still from the former transformation.

Remus screamed, then panted.

In, out.

His voice disappeared entirely when he entered the last part of the transformation, and Remus was suddenly unable to convey his aching pain.

The last part of him to revert back to human was always his mind.

In, out.

His mind fragmented, again, and he cried out for his mother. He had abolished the contemplation of his mother when she had dumped him at St Mungo's.

Remus scolded himself lackadaisically.

In, out.

Remus lost his mind to his memories.

In, out.

Christmas with Sirius and James.

Studying in the Griffindor Common Rooms.

The Sorting.

St Mungo's.

Hearing the goodbyes from his parents but being unable to return them.

In, out.

They hadn't wanted to hear him say them back, anyway.

In, out.

The potions were no longer helping.

In, out.

That thought drifted to Remus on the clouds of his breath. He puzzled over what it meant.

In, out.

Remus wasn't supposed to remember the night of the full moon. He wasn't supposed to feel pain because he was supposed to inflict pain on his surroundings, not on himself.

In, out.

Remus' mind exploded behind his eyes and Remus experienced more pain than he had ever suffered before.

He tried to scream and blacked out instead.

In, out. In… out.

XXX

When Remus' eyes opened for a second time, they stayed open.

In, out.

The breaths hurt Remus' ribs, his lungs expanding and jarring his bruised bones.

The sun was up, the moon having been chased away by its yellow rays.

Remus watched a dust mote float through the air, dancing in the rays pouring through the small window high up on the wall.

In, out.

Indolently, Remus wondered if he had broken any bones, this time.

That would be a first. A first for him at Hogwarts.

In, out.

If Remus stopped breathing now, who would come to his funeral?

His friends, maybe. They would move on with their lives, though, unchanged by Remus' absence.

Would Matron Pomfrey and Professor Dumbledore come?

Professor Dumbledore was a busy man. Remus didn't think he would come.

Would Remus' parents show up?

Remus didn't know.

In, out. In, out.

He needed to get up before Matron Pomfrey came and fussed. He needed to get up and assess the damage to his body and the shack.

Splinters of Remus' mind glued themselves back together.

In, out.

Get up, Remus.

Yes, that's what he needed. Orders. Cohesive thoughts to latch himself onto. Commands to follow.

Like an un-oiled robot, Remus got on his hands and knees. He screamed as his hands made contact with the wood of the floorboards.

The tears fell then.

Remus saw bright lights. He clambered to his feet.

He swayed.

In, out.

Could he pass out now? Did he deserve a favour from the world?

In, out.

His ribs hurt, his head thumped. His eyelids were swollen.

He was bleeding profusely from lacerations to his arms. He had left sticky pools of scarlet behind when he had scrambled to his blood-drenched feet.

In, out.

Remus blinked blood out of his eyes. He studied his fingers. The nails had been scratched away, and now he only had bloody stumps for fingernails. Useless, bloody stumps.

Why had the potions stopped working?

In, out.

Remus shivered violently. The shack was airy, all of the holes Remus had punched and kicked in the walls letting in the howling wind.

Staggering to the cupboard to the right of the bed, Remus reached out to open the door. He stopped, his fingers an inch away from the handle.

He was standing there when Matron Pomfrey found him. He was not crying.

She didn't say a thing, not a word, as she sat Remus down on the bed. When she saw Remus' blue lips, she rooted around in the cupboard. She found a dirty, moth-eaten blanket and wrapped it around him. It was a cocoon of protection, and Remus ducked his head.

Matron Pomfrey siphoned off the blood on Remus' feet with her wand, so that he would not leave any footprints behind him.

In, out.

She knew, as well as she knew her name, that Remus was not there, in spirit, with her.

Matron Pomfrey led a dazed, uncomprehending Remus with a strong, guiding arm out of the shack and into the dawn light where she left him, momentarily, in the shade of the Whomping Willow's branches.

To Remus, the seconds Matron Pomfrey wasn't there with him lasted an eternity.

He watched the sun, stared unwaveringly at it. Would Sirius, James and Peter be up yet?

Matron Pomfrey came back to Remus as she always did, with a breathlessness about her Remus would usually comment on.

Remus was a crushed piece of parchment that needed straightening out.

Crushed pieces of parchment could never be straight again.

XXX

Remus was tucked into his bed in the infirmary. His bed, because it was the one he always ended up in. It was the one furthest from the doors.

The infirmary resembled a hospital indistinctly. White cots with white bedspreads lined up in two rows so that the patients faced each other. There was a window and a table beside each bed. The tables held jugs of water. The ceilings were very high and intricately designed.

Right now, Remus had portable grey curtains around his bed. He couldn't see the doors. He didn't know if anyone else was a patient with him.

Remus had feed Sirius, James and Peter the same lies about his mother and visiting her, but on top of that Professor Dumbledore had had to tell them that Remus had fallen through a window and down several flights of stairs in order to explain Remus' extended absence, in the infirmary, no less.

The full moon had been so cruel to Remus that Matron Pomfrey, after she had led Remus from the Whomping Willow and to his bed in the infirmary, she had prohibited Remus from classes and anything strenuous for the next two days.

Hence why Professor Dumbledore had had to do some quick improvising.

Remus learnt from Matron Pomfrey all of this. He learnt that his friends had wanted to visit, but she had told them to come back later.

The Matron had done a full assessment of Remus, making him strip to his underwear. He was accustomed to this, and tried not to let it affect him too obviously.

"Bruised ribs I can help. Hands need bandages, arms… oh, Remus. Arms need spell work, I am afraid. Throbbing head? We have a potion for that. Let's see… I think you broke a finger or two, actually. Your eyes need some ice, too. Remus, I think you will have some scars. I can get rid of them, if you like, but it hurts even more than mending a bone…"

Chatter, chatter. Matron Pomfrey was good at that, needed to be, if she was going to draw Remus out of his head.

Remus responded imprecisely, a shake of his head there, a yes here. Matron Pomfrey didn't push. She gave him the potion for his headache and set to work on the skin of his arms.

She let him sleep after an age of hurt. Remus drifted immediately, making her think that he was in more pain than he let on. He was swathed in bandages and drugged up, and he wasn't complaining, because Remus never complained. He had even apologised to her for taking up all of her time when she had others to tend to.

He was a formal, shy, studious, kind-hearted boy who knew too much about what pain was, and who kept his secrets to himself and his problems under lock and key.

Remus had been a sickly boy, very weak, the first time she had met him. They hadn't cared for Remus at St Mungo's, and it had been up to Matron Pomfrey to stitch him back together.

It was Matron Pomfrey who suggested the use of potions. And they had worked! He had come out of the full moons no worse than when he had went in. The shack had, of course, slowly begun to fall apart, but Remus was okay.

Now he was immune to the potions.

Matron Pomfrey was scared for him.


	12. Ruckus

**Dedicated** **to xSaffire55x :) I am sorry I couldn't post earlier! **

"REMUS!"

Sirius skidded into the infirmary, James and Peter hot on his heels.

"Remus!" Sirius was vociferous. James and Peter, who were trying to keep up with Sirius, caused enough ruckus to pull Matron Pomfrey from her office.

"Boys! Just what is going on here?" screeched the Matron. Sirius, James and Peter payed her no heed. Matron Pomfrey accelerated to catch up to them, her skirts in her hands and her white bonnet askew.

"Boys!"

Sirius, James and Peter were laden down with books and quills and parchment, their cloaks flying like capes behind them. Sirius carried Remus' satchel and his notes from all of his classes.

"You need to leave now, or I will call the Headmaster!"

Remus wasn't alone in the infirmary. Two beds down from Remus there was a Ravenclaw second-year with tentacles for arms. Her face was splotchy; she had been crying. Across from the Ravenclaw there was a blonde Slytherin boy who was persistently fake moaning. One of his eyes tracked Sirius and the other watched Remus shrewdly.

"Whoops, sorry, sorry, oi! James! Sorry, oops! Peter!"

Sirius, James and Peter crashed into stray carts and dropped scrolls of parchment and coppery quills. They upset everything, even things they didn't actually physically come into contact with, amazingly. They navigated the infirmary with about as much grace as a herd of drunk trolls, and still Remus slept on.

Sirius, James and Peter slid to a stop at the foot of Remus' bed then dumped their load. The books fell off the edges of the bed and James and Peter tried valiantly to rescue them. Sirius, however, couldn't look away from Remus.

Remus looked appalling, and that was the nicest was to put it.

Remus was not peacefully asleep. He was tossing and turning, moaning something disturbing. He was covered up to his waist with a white blanket and was propped up with deflated pillows.

James and Peter bickered behind Sirius, a scolding Matron Pomfrey adding to the growing din.

"Get those books off the bed, Potter! Black, get away from him!"

Remus' flailing arms, resting above the covers, were bandaged from the tips of his fingers up to his shoulders. There was another dressing on Remus' neck and a binding around Remus' chest, from what Sirius could see in the parting of Remus' shirt whenever Remus twisted.

Remus looked gaunt. He was undernourished to begin with, but this was taking very thin to a whole new level.

Remus eyes were purple and swollen, and there were shadows rimming them. His lips were bloodless, his breath laboured. Remus' many-toned hair was lacklustre and matted.

Remus looked, Sirius thought, so fragile, so breakable.

Remus looked a thousand years old.

Sirius had never, ever before seen someone in so dire need of protection.

All of this, caused by some stairs and glass? It wasn't possible.

Sirius debated internally about waking Remus up. His fingers hovered over Remus' arm, but Sirius didn't dare touch him.

Remus was no longer thrashing about. Remus sighed, his eyelids fluttering, and Sirius remembered the nightmare he had woken Remus up from many moons ago. He remembered how Remus had grown calmer when Sirius was near.

"Wake him up, Sirius!"

"Don't you dare, Mr Black!" Sirius was more inclined to listen to Matron Pomfrey. Remus looked as though he needed as much sleep as he could get, and Sirius wasn't wholly sure the sight of his friends crowded around his bed would be a good thing for Remus to wake up to.

The episode with the Slytherins had rendered things altered. Sirius now hunted down Slytherins full time; initiating attacks and arguments and pulling pranks on them. Remus had gone back to normal (apart from having to scold Sirius and discourage his troublemaking ways far more often than he had usually had to), but between James and Remus there was a rip of glazed over frostiness that had yet to be healed. James still thought Remus was keeping secrets, and Remus didn't know how to approach that subject without spilling lies.

Sirius looked over at James, who was apprising Remus. James looked scared, and not at all malicious.

"Remus?" Nothing more than a sigh in Remus' ear. Sirius leaned back, signalling with his hand to James and Peter that they should go, but before he could say a word, Matron Pomfrey butted in.

"Mr Black! Get away from him! Potter, Pettigrew, out now! Mr Lupin here needs his rest, he does not need you bothering him. Out!"

Matron Pomfrey pushed Sirius away from Remus, much to his infuriation.

"Honestly, Mr Black! Where, may I ask, is your consideration? Your compassion?"

Sirius opened his mouth, sparks flying from his drawn wand, but before he could blink, James stomped down, hard, on Sirius' foot and pressed both of his hands to Sirius' gaping mouth.

Matron Pomfrey fluffed over Remus, smoothing down his rumpled covers and tucking the ends of his bandages in. When she had satisfied herself, she glowered at Sirius, and then James (who Sirius shoved away from him), and Peter.

"Matron Pomfrey?" They all rejoiced when they realised their friend was awake, but Remus' voice was all raspy and faint.

"Yes, Remus, dear?"

Remus? Sirius had never heard any of the Hogwarts staff call a student by anything but their last name. James and Peter looked as bamboozled as Sirius felt.

"What's the date?" Sirius couldn't answer for Matron Pomfrey.

"It's March 10th, Remus. You have been asleep for two days. Now, I want you to try to catch some more sleep. Black, Potter, Pettigrew, out. Now!"

Remus opened his eyes at that, flummoxed to see his friends.

"Sirius? James, Peter? What are you guys doing here?"

"We came to see you, of course! And to brighten up this infirmary, you know, Remus, there's no colour." Sirius confided in Remus, who blinked owlishly at him.

"I- I, um, Matron? Can they stay, just for a little while? Please?"

She muddled it over in her mind. Secretly, she was so delighted that Remus had friends who cared so much for him. Sirius, James and Peter had bugged her nonstop for the past two days to see their friend. Their loyalty to Remus was touching.

Remus looked so hopeful. She wavered.

"Fine. Fifteen minutes then out!" Matron Pomfrey exclaimed, crossly, but her eyes danced.

She waved her wand and a cart came whizzing over. Matron Pomfrey settled a covered tray of food on Remus' lap.

"This first." The Matron handed Remus a vial and a glass of water and ice.

Remus swallowed his charcoal coloured potion. It tasted like cherries and dirt.

"Excellent. Eat now, oh, and Remus?" Remus meet her hazel eyes with his swirling amber own. The draught she had given him the day before yesterday was still affecting him, and making him sleepy. The potion she had just given him was for weight-gain.

"Happy birthday, Remus." Sirius, James and Peter's ears perked up at that, and they looked up, sharp. Remus flushed.

"Thank you, Matron."

"Eat. You, don't touch his food!" She rapped Peter's hand as it snagged forwards to steal a piece of toast. She shook her finger warningly at Sirius, James and Peter, then withdrew back inside her office.

There was a pregnant pause.

Remus cleared his thought, wincing from the pain, although he was feeling far better than he had. He sighed.

Sirius couldn't hold himself back. He engulfed Remus.

"Happy BIRTHDAY Remus! Why didn't you tell us?"

"Thanks, Sirius. And I… didn't want to bother you." Remus said into Sirius' shoulder.

Sirius wanted to shake Remus. Remus wasn't able to absorb the fact that friends gave each other things, and looked out for each other. When Sirius had questioned Remus about why he hadn't told his friends that the Slytherins were giving him hell, Remus had given Sirius that exact same reply of 'I didn't want to bother you."

"Yeah, Remus, you should have said something!" James couldn't handle being silent or left out. He could, however, berate Remus for neglecting the subject of his birthday.

"We don't have any presents! Honestly, Remus!"

Remus was nothing in Sirius' arms. He wasn't hugging Sirius back, and Sirius wondered if he was in too much pain to even lift his arms.

Remus was in excruciating pain, but he didn't want Sirius to let go.

"I'm sorry we woke you. How do you feel?" Sirius released Remus, his voice was meek.

"Superb," Remus grinned to let them know he really was ok, but Sirius didn't believe him. He didn't think it was his place to nag, though, so he acted like he accepted that.

Sirius collapsed into a chair, lifting his feet onto Remus' bed and making himself at home. The infirmary really was a depressing place. Sirius wished he had brought along some paintballs or something. He hoped Remus would be back to normal soon so that he wouldn't have to spend much longer there.

"We were worried when you didn't come back when you said you were going to. We thought something had happened…" Something like the Slytherins, Sirius' eyes told Remus.

"Professor Dumbledore explained things to us, but, Remus, we don't believe him. You feel down some stairs and ended up like this?"

James and Peter, who were settling themselves around Remus and Sirius tuned in to hear Remus' answer.

A dopey and muddled Remus nodded tiredly.

"It's true. I broke a couple of ribs and fractured a couple more. I used my arms to block my head from the glass, but it cut into my arms anyway. I landed on my mother's cacti."

Remus' tray of food was setting his stomach in knots. Matron Pomfrey had heaped it sky-high. There was toast drenched in melted marmalade and a scalding hot bowl of thick porridge. There was a green apple and two rashes of bacon and an egg. There was a goblet of pumpkin juice and a glass of milk and a cup of coffee. There was also a conspicuous bar of chocolate tied off with a red ribbon. Remus pocketed the later, and then gave the tray to Peter, who divided it up between himself and Sirius and James.

"Why is it taking you so long to heal then? If it was just glass and cacti?" Sirius prompted.

"Oh, leave him alone, Sirius."

Remus looked up in surprise. James smiled in support at Remus, his finger pushing up the glasses on his nose. Sirius backed down, taking the apple Peter offered. While Remus quizzed Peter on what he had missed out on, James shot Sirius a look that said he didn't know what to think.

"Have I missed out on much?"

"No, no! It has been very boring. The Slytherins are wondering where you are, but Sirius has been keeping them away!" Peter praised Sirius, who hurried to reassure Remus when Remus' expression grew grey and afraid.

"Sirius, please don't stir up trouble-"

"I haven't done anything really bad! Just, you know…" Sirius took a big bite of apple. The juice ran down his chin.

"I think McGonagall hates us, I really do. She won't let the Great Hall Prank go!" Sirius complained heartily, changing subjects unsubtly. Remus let him, but watched Sirius from under his eyelashes.

"She gave me a detention for getting a spell wrong!"

The Slytherin moaned and the Ravenclaw sniffed in the background. Neither had any visitors, nor were they receiving all that much attention from Matron Pomfrey.

Remus gave the other patients apologetic looks and then he yawned.

"What's with all the b-books?" Another yawn.

"You are not going to actually do your homework?"

"Remus! Of course not! That's your homework!"

Remus laughed softly.

"Thank you," he went to say something else, but was interrupted by a swooping Matron Pomfrey.

"Get your feet off the bed, Black! Your time is over! Get out, now, all of you. Not you, Remus dear."

Sirius, James and Peter jumped like the scalding hot bowl of porridge had been tipped down their backs.

"She just won't leave us alone! Remus, I think she likes you."

"What?-" That was just the thing Sirius would say. Sirius smirked.

Hastily, Sirius, James and Peter gathered their stuff together, promising at the same time to shower Remus in presents the next time they saw him.

They were herded out of the infirmary by a wand brandishing Matron Pomfrey, to the bordering on hysterical laughter of Remus.

**So, everyone;**

**what**

**do**

**you**

**think?**


	13. The Centaur in the Forbidden

James was making it snow and no one had yet noticed.

He was sprawled out on a couch in front of the Griffindor Common Room fireplace, thinking. His right arm was coiled beneath his head and had been slowly going numb for the last hour. He had his wand in his left hand, and with it he was tracing patterns into the air, the light snowflakes falling and decorating his robes like incurable dandruff.

Generally, Remus would have told James off for making a mess. If not Remus, then one of the Prefects would have told James off for doing magic, even involuntary magic, in the Common Room. Remus, however, was buried behind a book too big for his hands, and there was not a Prefect who fancied telling off James when for once he was not distracting anybody or setting anything alight. Sirius and Peter were sitting at a table situated behind Remus' wingchair. A game of wizard's chess was set up between them, and Sirius was staring out of a window, waiting for Peter to make his move.

"I wonder what's actually in the Forbidden Forest."

James stated this to the room at large, but he waited in silence for an answer from his friends. The Common Room was not empty, it was too early for that, but everybody was subdued.

"Well," started Remus tentatively, peering over his tome,

"In Hogwarts: A History it says that the Forbidden Forest is full of all sorts of magical creatures and fauna that cannot be found elsewhere."

Remus straightened up a little in his seat, peering down thoughtfully down at the book in his hands. He knew Hogwarts: A History off by heart, luckily, because he wanted to give James the correct information. Remus folded his book around his hand.

"Hogwarts: A History has describes the Forbidden Forest as dangerous because of these creatures. They are not tame," Remus said in a measured way.

Sirius stopped staring out of the window and started scolding Peter for taking so long to make a move. James lowered his wand and sat up. He turned to face Remus.

"There are supposedly many dark creatures that reside there, only refraining from entering the school's grounds because of an Unbreakable Vow made with the four creators of Hogwarts centuries ago." To James, Remus sounded like one of the Professors. He sounded as though he had swallowed Hogwarts: A History whole, and was simply spitting out the facts.

"It sprawls for miles and miles and miles. There are supposed to be unicorns and centaurs and trolls and giants and kelpies and banshees. Oh, and the plant life…" Remus sighed wistfully.

"I bet on Peter's life that no one has ever explored the Forbidden Forest." James said.

"Hey!" Peter said, concentrating too hard to give any truly witty reply. With his tongue poking out of the side of his mouth, Peter regarded his black chess pieces.

"Queen to D… one."

"PETER! No, you can't do that! NO!" Peter grinned as his Queen moved two spaces to the right. The Queen drew her sword ceremoniously.

"Come on, come on… NO!" Peter's Queen sliced Sirius' King's head off.

"YES! Yes!" Peter's joy over finally having bet Sirius at something was overshadowed by Sirius' tantrum.

"CHEAT! CHEAT!" Screamed Sirius, ignorant of the onlookers who studied him. They were too relaxed to do anything about the chaos Black would cause, but loved the entertainment that came with just being in close proximity to him.

Sirius sprung to his feet and flipped the chess board over, the bewitched marble black and white pieces falling to the floor and smashing.

"Sirius! NO!" Peter mourned the loss of the chessboard, his watery blue eyes disbelieving as they took in the shattered, jumbled mess of marble and pointy bits of steel.

The chess pieces shakily got to their feet, dragging their limbs and swords and horses behind them, knowing that Sirius would crush them if they didn't get out of his line of sight. Sirius' anger had no boundaries and was wildly unpredictable.

"You know, you are probably right. It is really dangerous. Most people wouldn't know what to do if a centaur came up to them." Remus and James were in a world of their own, James used to Sirius' dummy spits and Remus too lost in his mind.

Remus drifted into a pensive silence. Within Remus' glassy eyes the flames of the fire reflected and James was just about to say something, when all at once Remus' reverie was broken as a thought occurred to him.

"James, what do you care about the Forbidden Forest?" If Remus knew James, then James was planning some sort of prank that would land them in detention until they died, and Remus really, really did not want that. Really.

There was a lunatic sparkle to James' eyes Remus could only cringe at.

"Remus… What if WE explored it?"

Sirius threw his Queen at Peter's head. The Queen drew her sword and began to attack Peter's hair with it. For a tiny statue that moved only because some person had wished it, the Queen sure was very fiery. Her arms wielded her still sharp-as-ever sword above her head as she gave a war cry. Bits of mousy brown fluff rained down on Peter, who cried blue murder and called Sirius a number of lovely things as he skipped and hopped around the Common Room in his attempts to shake the Queen off.

Sirius sniggered at Peter's new haircut and ill attempts at disentangling the Queen from his ear. Sirius thought it best abandon Peter before Peter found his wand and worked out how to use it.

Sirius gave himself another smirk and a pat on the back, then looped along to sit by James, who Peter adored and would never, ever curse, consequently giving Sirius the protection he needed.

Sirius fell down onto the couch. He sat as close to James as he could, tucking his feet and legs beneath him and burying his head in James' robes.

James didn't react to Sirius' closeness. After a moment Sirius let him go in confusion, his eyes flicking between James and Remus who were having what looked like a staring contest but couldn't have been a staring contest because Remus was blinking like crazy and James hadn't cottoned on to it.

"What's going on?" There was no answer. James, Sirius noticed, had his mischievous expression on, the one that said things were about to get exciting. Remus looked like a deer stuck in headlights and not sure which way to run, away from James or towards him. Sirius hoped towards. James' pranks were always ingenious and Remus really needed to experience more of them.

"Jamsie? What's going on? Have you thought of a prank?"

"You-want-to-explore-the-Forbidden-Forest?" Was every word causing Remus pain or something? Wait.

"You want to WHAT?"

"SSH! SHUT UP, Sirius!" James said frantically, pushing his glasses further up his nose and waving at a gaggle of third-year girls until they looked away.

"Do you want the whole school to know?"

Sirius gaped at his best friend's daftness.

"James… the Forbidden Forest? Dangerous beasties and-" James was paying Sirius no attention. James knew it was Remus he needed to convince to come with him.

"Remus, don't look at me like that! Are you telling me you wouldn't know what to do if a centaur came up to you?"

Sirius gawked at James, then at Remus. Sirius knew James was just as nuts as him (their countless pranks had proved that), but Sirius had never suggested this.

Peter came over to join his friends after chucking Sirius' dismembered Queen on to the fire. He gave Sirius a look that said Sirius was toast next time he had his guard down, but Sirius didn't see it.

"Well I wouldn't say that James-" Remus looked panicked that maybe his words had solidified James' plan.

"Here's my idea. We use my invisibility cloak and sneak out of here. We go and we poke about the Forbidden Forest. If we meet any creatures then Remus'll talk to them or we'll run like hell and never, ever mention this again, okay?"

James smiled what was supposed to be a reassuring smile.

Peter had no idea what anybody was on about. He understood 'Forbidden Forest'.

"Forbidden Forest?" Peter looked at James. James nodded at him.

"Yes Peter, we are going to explore the Forbidden Forest!"

Peter didn't want to go anywhere near it.

"What's the worst that can happen?" James asked.

Did James want a list? Remus stared at James in incredulity. James must have a death wish. There was a reason no one, not even Professor Dumbledore, who was the most powerful wizard on Earth, had explored the Forbidden Forest! James, Sirius, Peter and Remus were first-years!

"If we are going to do this, James, we will not just 'poke around'. We will stick to the border and deem if it is safe before we go further. If we meet any creatures, we will get out of there immediately." James perked up at Remus' words and Remus wanted to hit himself on the head. Had he really just said that?

"Yes, you really just said that! I knew you wouldn't let me down!"

"Well, I, um. Yes? S-Sirius?"

"YES! YES, Let's do this! Maybe we will see a giant! Or a centaur or-or maybe we'll catch a unicorn!" Remus laughed. Sirius had gone from deep confusion to contagious enthusiasm.

"You have to listen to me. We need to be careful." Remus' words fell on deaf ears.

This was not a good idea.

XXX

"The first time you are using your invisibility cloak…" James coughed, and Sirius choked. They traded sly looks.

"Ahem. Er, not exactly, Remus," said Sirius as James collected his invisibility cloak from the loose floorboard beneath his bed.

Remus looked uncertain in a flash. Peter raised his hands at Remus, clearly saying he had no idea what to make of that statement either.

After deliberating whether or not it was worth getting into that now, Remus shrugged off the thoughts that had brought his shoulders down and pulled his satchel protectively closer to his side.

"Okay. Okay, let's do this."

The invisibility cloak was a priceless item that had been handed down in James' family for generations. James and the others had the utmost respect for it. Good, sturdy invisibility cloaks were hard to come by, ones that had lasted centuries were even rarer.

"Okay."

"Stop saying 'okay' and get over here, will you?" Sirius said. Remus winced at Sirius' hearty tone, but it was James who told Sirius off.

"Not so loud, Sirius! People are still awake, y'know!"

James had the invisibility cloak and was busy unfolding it. Sirius was beside him, not helping. Peter, who did not want to be left out of this, though he was very scared, went to stand behind James. Peter had to trust his friends to protect him because Peter wasn't good with his wand.

"Come on, Remus!"

Remus' friends disappeared under the invisibility cloak and it was just Remus standing unnervingly alone in a room that looked empty but wasn't.

Remus shifted his weight from one foot to the other. He wanted to go with the others, but he didn't want to get caught. He wanted to discover new plants and met a centaur but… but…

Remus ran to his friends who lifted the corner of the invisibility cloak up for him. He slipped in, laughing at his daring. He was going. Remus shoved his fist into his mouth when James and Sirius gave him weird looks.

"Alright, let's go!"

Remus was small, James and Sirius were thin, and Peter was short. They fitted easily under the invisibility cloak, and once Remus and Peter had somewhat adjusted to walking beneath it without showing too much of their feet, they set off for the Common Room.

The Griffindor Common Room was less full than before. A seventh year girl and boy were talking quietly over their locked hands. A fifth year boy was stroking a furry plant. A girl was paying an owl for what looked like the Daily Prophet.

"Easy as pie. Peter, geoff my robes!" James hissed.

They crept forward as one coming to stop before the back of the fat lady's portrait.

"We have to wait for somebody to come back in." Remus realised.

"James, it's nearly curfew!"

"Someone'll come along…" James hoped his plans hadn't been foiled by a door.

Their timing had been perfect, however. The fat' lady's portrait swung backwards to admit two breathless boys, and James, Sirius, Peter and Remus took that as their cue. They dashed forwards, past the boys who looked around at the gust of cool air but upon seeing nothing walked away. James, Sirius, Remus and Peter scampered through the hole and around the corner.

Remus kept quiet on the subject, but he wasn't, no, he knew, that the double doors leading to outside and the Forbidden Forest would be locked.

James guided them to the doors, the tip of his wand lit up with a 'lumos' spell that allowed them to see where they were going. Peter had only stepped on James' robes twice after he had cast the spell.

Mindless Mr Filch had unbelievably left the doors unlocked. Unlocked.

James and Sirius were delighted by their good luck. Remus was quiet on the matter. Remus marvelled at how safe Hogwarts really was if the double doors leading to the Entrance Hall and Great Hall and _everything_ were unlocked.

James, Sirius, Remus and Peter stepped outside of the castle. It was a chilly night, but the four boys still had their robes and jeans on and so they weren't particularly bothered. The stars twinkled down on them as they crept down the rocky path to the Forbidden Forest, still under the invisibility cloak in case there happened to be a teacher or a ghost looking out from one of the windows.

Remus breathed in the fresh air as discreetly as he could. It was nice not to be confined inside for once. He really did want to study the Forbidden Forest up close, and the worry he felt was being overshadowed by the sight of the tall trees.

James stopped right at the edge of the Forbidden Forest, the light from his wand plunging deep into its depths but not revealing anything but roots, trees, more trees, some plants and more roots of trees.

James was feeling very insignificant against that vastness, a feeling not shared by Sirius.

Hesitantly, James asked Remus what they should do at the risk of losing face.

For all of James' brave words and insistencies, he wasn't sure exploring the Forbidden Forest was a brilliant move.

"Draw your wands and lit them with 'lumos'." James didn't need to do this, but Peter and Sirius did. Remus took his own advice. Sirius was thrumming with excitement, his eyes lit up with silver highlights, Remus discovered, when he accidently shone his wand in Sirius' face.

"Alright. James, we need to get behind that tree just over there."

Remus was cool and collected. They couldn't turn back now, and Remus knew he needed to be the one to keep them all calm and from doing something reckless. James had cold feet (literally and figuratively), and Peter had a fistful of Remus and James' robes and did not look like he had any intention of ever letting go.

"Why?"

"We need to be out of sight of the castle when we take off the invisibility cloak."

James' first step into the Forbidden Forest snapped a stick in half. The sound reverberated and they all froze, Remus raising his wand and listening the most intently.

"Keep going, James."

James made no move.

"Any day now, Jamsie! You know, this was your idea. Don't spoil my fun now, Jamsie, or I swear I will put itching powder in your pyjamas…"

Sirius' tirade attacked and insulted but seemed to bolster James up. They crept forward, Peter's breath hitching.

"Remus?"

"We're fine. If anything was going to attack us, wouldn't it have done it already?"

Remus Lupin, the voice of reason in a crisis.

James whipped the invisibility cloak off of them and they shook themselves off, straightening their spines gratefully after being bent in half for so long.

"Well, come on." Remus kept his wand aloof and hoped the others would do the same.

The Forbidden Forest was overgrown. It seemed to sense that Remus, Sirius, James and Peter did not belong.

The trees were attempting to touch the sky. The foliage let in the light of only two or three stars, making it impossible for the boys to see more than several metres in front of them.

The branches of the trees reached downwards, waving even though there was no wind. The roots of the trees moved in the Earth too, and the plants sprouted flowers that dropped on the boy's feet. Nothing was what it seemed, and Remus was enthralled.

The branches were hell bent on snagging on Remus, James, Peter and Sirius' robes; the roots of the trees were bent on tripping them up; the brambles of the trees bent on scratching out their eyes.

It was amazing nothing had decided to just knock them all out and leave it at that.

Remus used his wand to find tracks in the mud he trudged through. Sirius exclaimed behind him at everything, small sparks of green shooting out of Sirius' wand and disappearing off to Remus' left whenever his voice got an octave higher.

When Remus first spotted them, he thought he was going to be hit with some sort of curse.

Remus hoped the sparks wouldn't set anything alight. He hoped Sirius would shut up soon, too.

Some of the bushes whistled as Remus went past, or spoke words and endearments. A mysterious fog followed the boys as they went. Peter sniffed, and James told him again to let go of the back of his robes.

Remus stopped abruptly. Something was moving up ahead, and Remus was confident it wasn't a plant or the root of a tree.

"Rems…" Remus barely even registered the nickname before something massive stepped out of shadows and advanced towards their little huddle.

"Run? Run? Remus, should we run?" James was peering over Remus' right shoulder, Peter huddling behind James and completely out of sight from the thing. Sirius was brazenly standing beside Remus, his wand by his side. Sirius regarded the creature with interest, and Remus had to admit he was probably doing the same.

The 'creature' was a centaur, Remus realised, wonder and awe taking him over.

It was beautiful.

The centaur's bottom half was horse. The centaur had four strong legs ending in four hooves and a tail Remus could see the half of. The centaur was covered in russet coloured hair. The horse met the human side of the centaur halfway up the centaur's muscular torso. The centaur had small pointy horns and defined features that coldly appraised Remus, Sirius and the friends that half hid behind them.

"Lower your wand, idiot boy. You should not be here, Remus John Lupin. Leave, now."

Remus could tell James, Peter and Sirius were shocked that the centaur knew his name, but Remus wasn't. He lowered his wand, surprised that the centaur was talking to him when centaurs were well known for thinking themselves above all others.

"We are sorry for intruding, sir. That was not our intention." Sirius shot Remus a look that said that was exactly what was their intention was and Remus shouldn't lie to a centaur who was several feet taller than them all put together. Remus stepped on Sirius' foot.

"I do not care what your intention was. Leave."

"Yeah… Come on, Remus, Sirius." James and Peter took their friends' arms, preparing to haul them away.

"Stop."

They froze.

"James Potter." The centaur stepped forward, and James flinched back, his friends flocking to surround him.

The centaur's head tipped back, his eyes scanning the skies.

"Such a clear night… James Potter I thank you." James opened his mouth, probably to say something like 'for what' but Remus elbowed him.

"Thank you?" That sounded like a question, and Remus went to hit him again, but then the centaur made eye contact with Remus.

"The full moon approaches again."

**REVIEW, PEOPLE! :D**


	14. Silver Blood

"Thank you? THANK YOU? FOR WHAT?"

James raised his fists and shouted to the trees.

"D-don't s-s-ay that, Jaames," Peter moaned, just as from the skyscrapers of green and brown showered down a colony of enormous black bats.

"ARRGH! GET AWAY FROM ME! NOOOO! I DON'T WANT TO DIE!"

James gave a girlish scream and he and Peter (who hadn't had the courage to let go of James' sleeve), dived behind a fallen, moss covered log. They pulled their robes over their heads as the bats swooped and wheeled in the air above them before chasing each other the way Remus, James, Peter and Sirius were heading.

Sirius came out from the branches of a tree and gave a shriek not unlike James' own, except his was full of laughter at the ridiculous sight of his two cowardly best friends plastered in moss and mud.

"You- you b-bats…." Sirius fell to his knees, holding in his sides lest he split in half. Sirius looked so young and carefree and completely at home laughing his head off in the middle of a forest full of dark matter.

The sight of James and Peter made Remus giggle too as he yanked himself and his satchel from the prickly bush he had fallen into.

"They are not man eaters, you know. Completely harmless, actually." Remus smiled patronizingly; James and Peter were not amused. Both got to their shaky feet and Sirius wiped his eyes.

James and Peter brushed themselves off, avoiding the eyes of Remus and Sirius, who couldn't help the odd snort.

Peter kept his fingers in James' sleeve and James shot scrutinising frowns at the air and at the trees and practically everything that dared to move.

"Can we keep going, please?" Remus smiled a little smile.

"Don't shout at anything else, alright Jamsie?"

James cuffed Sirius over the head and Remus led them down the path, his hands fidgeting with his strap.

Leaves crunched under their feet and their robes rustled and disturbed all manners of insects and spiders.

A snake slithered its way past Peter who tripped over his hem and would have fallen flat on his face if it weren't for James and Sirius who caught him just in time.

"Why didn't the centaur say anything to me?" Sirius asked, propping Peter on his feet and walking faster to match his speed with Remus'. Sirius itched his head with his wand, looking very put out.

The rush of elation Remus had felt ebbed away, leaving him feeling cold.

James hated being thanked by a centaur; Sirius wanted to know why he hadn't been spoken to.

What was wrong with a 'thank you'? Or not getting spoken to at all?

It bet 'the full moon approaches' didn't it?

"I don't know, Sirius. He didn't say anything to Peter."

Remus knew that the full moon was in four days. He knew that he was immune to the potions already, so the centaur can't have been trying to warn him about that.

Why couldn't the centaur say something helpful? Like, 'Remus, why don't you try this spell out, it will stop you from attacking yourself'. Or, 'Remus, if you do this, you can become a normal member of society'.

"I doubt he noticed Peter behind fat ol' James." Sirius dismissed.

Sirius cogitated, and Remus could tell Sirius was actually upset by it all.

They walked in silence for a few minutes. Unexpectedly, Sirius stopped, grabbed Remus' arm and swung him around to face him.

"What are you saying, Remus, without saying? That that last comment… what was it?"

"'The full moon approaches'."

"Yeah, yeah that. That was for you, wasn't it? That's what you're saying."

_Foot in mouth disease. _

"No, Sirius. Look, I don't know," said Remus, moving out of Sirius' reach.

The exit out of the Forbidden Forest was just ten metres away. Ten metres. Remus tightened his hold on his satchel.

"I'll tell you what I don't know. Why that centaur thanked me!"

James trying to dissect the entire meeting was giving Remus a headache. Sirius being all furious that the centaur hadn't said a word to him was turning his headache into a migraine.

Peter, however, had been shocked into silence.

"We don't know either, James."

"Yeah, who would thank you?" Sirius answered his best friend automatically, looking after Remus who was walking ahead of them again.

"BECAUSE I AM BLOODY FANTASTIC, MAYBE?"

"Ssh James! There may be something watching!" Remus said, whipping around to face his friends. He held his wand out to the left. Nothing moved and he relaxed, slightly. He dropped his arm, and rubbed his eyes.

"Look. Centaurs, they read the stars, the skies. They find meaning in everything, even if it wasn't there to begin with or is totally wrong. You can't take what they say to heart. Most of it is nonsense."

_Except for that bit about the full moon._

"Remus?" Sirius' voice sounded too high, as though something was attempting to wring his neck.

Remus opened his eyes and searched for Sirius. Sirius was closer to a tree than anybody should be, especially if that tree is in the Forbidden Forest.

"Sirius?" Remus' voice sharpened.

"Remus… is this…?"

"Oh _cool_. Look, Sirius has found something!"

"Remus, it doesn't _look_ like blood." Sirius sounded hesitant but curious. He extended his fingers out to Remus.

The blood was thick. It was the colour of silver, except when Remus held his wand tip closer to it, a thousand specks of colour could be seen strewn throughout.

"Wait, how can that be blood? It's all silver." James hovered over Sirius' shoulder.

"It's blood," Remus confirmed.

Sirius and Remus exchanged a look.

"Unicorn blood," they said, in unison.

It was blood. Peter retched into roots two trees away, and Remus was so surprised at their discovery he couldn't even find the words to warn Peter not to.

They were getting awfully contented roaming about the Forbidden Forest, and there was something not right about that.

"Unicorn blood?" James drifted closer, his interest peaking.

"Yes. Unicorns bleed silver. A unicorn bleeding is a big deal, I would say. They are really rare."

"I have blood all over my hand." Sirius' eyes widened and he jumped on the spot. James helpfully handed him a cluster of leaves.

"We should take a sample. For Professor Dumbledore," Remus added, when he saw the reproachful expression of James and Sirius.

"If the unicorns are hurt he needs to know. I have no vials though." Remus frowned, wiping his hands on a cluster of the same leaves James had given Sirius. Sirius hadn't dropped dead, so he figured they were safe.

"Remus, I know coming here was my idea and all, but you have got to admit, this takes things to a whole new level. If something's bleeding I am out of here."

"James, I know, but…"

"Remus. It's the middle of the night, I am freezing my arse off, my hand has been covered in blood, I have met a centaur who completely ignored me, will still have yet to leave this forest and actually get back into the castle and I highly doubt Dumbledore cares about some blood. How are we even supposed to explain to Dumbledore how we got this blood anyway?"

"I get it. You're right."

There was unicorn blood smeared on a tree; they had met a centaur who told nothing but riddles; they were in the Forbidden Forest.

The strangeness of this night had Remus feeling haunted.

"Invisibility cloak."

Sirius, James, Remus and Peter were standing in the Entrance Hall of Hogwarts in less than ten minutes, shrouded from sight in the invisibility cloak.

**Not my favourite chapter, I don't think. Does it flow okay?**


	15. Sudden Inquiry

"I think you are going to die, James!"

"I'm not going to die, Sirius, so stop saying so!"

James cursed his reflexive retaliation. He sighed wearily as he entered the dormitory, Sirius dogging James' footsteps with a 'struck-gold' look to his eyes that didn't spell anything good.

For James, at least.

James and Sirius were returning from a particularly nasty detention from Professor McGonagall. She had made James and Sirius polish every single trophy in the Trophy Room with only an irate Mr Filch for company after Sirius had decided it would be a good idea to chase the Professor while she was in cat form, squealing 'here kitty kitty!' James had been caught in the crossfire. He had been chasing after Sirius to restrain him, but the Professor hadn't seen it that way when James had tried to tackle Sirius to the floor but ended up instead squishing the Professor-cat.

It had taken them the better part of the evening to polish each medal, trophy and plaque to Mr Flich's satisfaction, and James was starving and sore and not Sirius' biggest fan at the moment.

All he wanted to do was _sleep _but Sirius had other ideas, ideas that included bugging James until James snapped.

James left Sirius at the door and crossed the room in long strides; passing Remus, who was rifling through his tiny suitcase, and Peter, who was lounging on his bed reading an upside down 'Marvil the Muggle' comic, by.

"I didn't know you could read, Peter," Sirius announced, shocked.

The instant James' head hit his pillow the tension drained from his body. His askew glasses were digging into his skin, but it was too much effort to take them off.

"He's being staring at that page for the last hour." Remus stated, drily. His young face had been creased with worry, but he banished it as he looked up from the book he was thinking of adding to his suitcase.

"I knew it!" Sirius shouted, triumphant, pointing his finger accusingly at Peter.

"You don't know anything!" Retorted Peter, hotly. Peter charmed his curtains to draw themselves around his bed, and Sirius laughed.

James moaned, poking his fingers into his ears to block out the irritating noise.

"Why does it smell of…" Remus sniffed the air.

"Polish and silver?" Remus decided against his book and placed it lovingly on his bedside table. He revolved to eye James' sprawled form, folding his arms as he did so.

"McGonagall made Filch make us polish every-single-bloody-trophy-in-the-bloody-Trophy-Ro om." James' voice was muffled thanks to his pillow.

"Don't swear. And didn't you and Sirius-"

"No, Remus, Sirius did, but that's not the point. It was slave labour!" Remus' mouth twitched, but he did feel pity for James. The Trophy Room was by no means a small room, and James didn't deserve what he got.

"Peter and I saved you some food."

Sirius snatched Remus' satchel from Remus, thanking him a moment later with a mouth stuffed full of bread roll.

"Remus, Remus, do you think James is going to die?" Sirius swallowed with painful difficulty, his throat bulging like that of a toad's.

"Of course."

"Not you too!" And James had thought Remus would be a good ally.

"Everybody dies at some point. Both of you know that."

Remus perched on his bed, his earlier thoughts creeping back without permission.

"Why, _specifically_, is James going to die, Sirius?" Sometimes, you had to placate Sirius like you would a child just to shut him up.

"Because the centaur said 'thank you'. As in 'thank you' for dying for the greater good!"

Remus stared at Sirius in bewilderment.

He glanced at James, who sat up, musing his well-mused hair.

"He has been going on all night like this. Sirius, I don't think the centaur-"

"Ssh! Someone may be listening!" Remus whispered. The dormitory door was still wide open, and James and Sirius sent it a guiltily look, before resuming their conversation.

"-thanked me for sacrificing myself. Who the hell would I sacrifice myself for, anyway? I love you guys, really, but I love my Nimbus, and I wouldn't die for that."

Remus snorted.

"Thanks, James." Sirius shook his finger at the both of them.

"You never know! Maybe, James, maybe you come to your senses and realise that me dying would be an absolute tragedy, and that you simply must give up your life so that I may live!"

Remus choked. He didn't think contributing to their pointless rambling was worth it. He got up as James tried to formulate an answer to that.

"Why you, Sirius?"

Remus zipped up his suitcase and put on his cloak, James and Sirius still arguing in the background.

"Sirius, why does the centaur care if I die?"

"Because your death will be made famous because you will be saving me!"

"_What_? Do you hear yourself?"

He hefted his suitcase.

"Where are you going, Remus?" James inquired, blinking up from Sirius only to find Remus packed to leave. Sirius sipped at a flask of pumpkin juice, taking a break from the fight with James while James was distracted.

"I have to visit my mother, you know that."

"Really? You are still going to see her, even though the last time you nearly died?" Sirius' back grew rigid.

"I didn't nearly die, James. It was an accident. I need to see her."

James looked unconvinced.

"She is getting worse and someone has to be with her all the time. It's my turn."

Remus persisted, willing his eyes to grow teary. They didn't, but as Remus grew worried, his eyes crinkled at the corners and his eyebrows bent.

"I'll be okay. I will see you in two days."

Remus got himself halfway across the room when a voice made him falter in the doorway. His hand fluttered on the doorframe.

"Remus… how are you keeping up when you miss out on so much school?" Peter's timid voice. He had obviously been eavesdropping through his hangings.

"Don't worry, Peter. I have it sorted." Remus didn't look back.

Remus had to expel the conversation from his mind. He was anxious already about the fact that this full moon came after the centaur's warning.

He didn't want to be fretting over his friends untangling his lies and realising the truth.

Remus' friends suddenly inquiring into his wellbeing could not have come at a worse time.

XXX

Remus and Peter had saved Sirius and James a healthy portion of everything. There were the bread rolls infused with herbs and there were cold cuts of meat wrapped in napkins and boiled potatoes and crunchy carrots and flasks of warmish soup and pumpkin juice. There were toffee apples on sticks and slices of chocolate cake, but James had lost his appetite. Peter emerged from his bed, his eyebrows furrowed. He sat down on the floor in front of his friends. Sirius tore up his bread, scattering crumbs everywhere. He popped the bits into his mouth and washed them down with tomato soup.

"Do… do you think Remus is lying about where he goes every month, James?" Peter appealing to James instead of him made Sirius open his mouth wide, but James bet him to the punch.

"Yeah, I do, Peter." Peter nodded. Sirius gasped, drawing the eyes of his friends.

"JAMES! How could you SAY that?"

"Sirius, you can't tell me you believe him!"

"WHY would Remus LIE about something like having an_ ILL _mother?!"

"There's no need to yell."

James shot up from the bed and began to furiously pace up and down the dormitory. Sirius sank down to sit beside Peter.

"We don't know what 'illness' Remus' mother is supposedly 'heavily suffering' from. It sounds as though it's a serious one and that she may be dying, and yet Remus doesn't _ever_ talk to us about it! As a matter of fact, the only time he does talk to us about it is when he has to visit her again!"

"Maybe it hurts him to talk about it and to be reminded about it." Peter pointed out. Sirius didn't say anything, a scowl in place instead of his infamous smirk.

"Still, Peter. He never seems to actually want to visit her. He never seems cut up about it the whole ordeal. Watching your mother die…" James stopped, looking at a loss.

"You know, Remus has received no letters from home, from _anyone_, all year. And when he was all cut up in the infirmary his family didn't seem to care. He tripped down some stairs? And out a window? Really? He landed on some cacti? What was he doing? And somehow Remus ended up back at Hogwarts? Why didn't his family take him to St Mungo's?"

"James. REALLY?" Sirius made a wide gesticulation, his feelings of injustice and loyalty towards Remus making the hairs on the back of his head stand up.

"You are being dramatic! You- you are just-"

"Sirius, I know this isn't fair. Talking behind Remus' back? I know. But THINK, Sirius! What do we know about Remus? I mean, really? He disappears for at least two days every month and then comes back and resumes things as normal. He is poor. Do you know what his mother's name is? His father's? Are they wizards?"

"His father is," Sirius said, in a desperate way.

"I don't know his name, but it has to be Lupin!"

"So Remus is a half-blood. Do we know where he lives? We didn't even know when his birthday was, and we still wouldn't if it weren't for Matron Pomfrey spilling the beans!" James' voice rose, and Peter shied away from it. Sirius leaned forward.

"Do you know when Peter's birthday is, James?" James sighed.

"Don't you LIKE Remus, James? Is that was this is? We know HEAPS about Remus! And a person is allowed to have secrets!"

Sirius whacked Peter in the arm.

"I do!" Peter gave an affirmative that Sirius felt solidified his case.

All the air left James' body and he sank down on his bed.

"Remus _is_ my friend. I am just saying, he keeps a lot of secrets. He didn't tell us the Slytherins were after him, remember? Every time I ask something remotely personal it becomes a big deal, and Remus closes himself away. You would know." Sirius did know.

Silence fell in the dormitory. The sun had set, and the moon was three quarters of the way raised in the sky.

The _full_ moon.

"James, I am not saying I agree with you or anything, but… do you think the full moon has anything to do with Remus' disappearances?"

**Thank you all of those who have been reviewing! It means a lot!**


	16. Sirius' Flashback

"_Do you think the full moon has anything to do with Remus' disappearances?" _

"The full moon? How can it?" James wondered if Sirius had lost the plot and was now just pulling his leg, but Sirius was _serious_.

"Think, James! Remember how the centaur said something about how the 'full moon approaches'?"

James frowned. To be honest, he had been, at the time, more focused on his 'thank you'.

"Yes," he hedged.

"James, the centaur said that 'the full moon approaches' _directly to Remus_, and it's the full moon now. And Remus is gone."

James looked doubtful.

"Maybe Remus is scheduled to watch over his mother whenever it's the full moon." Peter pointed out. Startled, James and Sirius broke eye contact to face him. They had forgotten he was present.

"Yeah, maybe." James' eyes narrowed.

"Do when even know if Remus actually leaves Hogwarts?"

"He says he DOES, James!" Sirius was trying to think like James by analysing Remus and everything that had happened to the four of them, but it was hard, and he was growing melancholy.

"Yeah, Remus says he does, but what if his mother's not sick at all? What if Remus stays here for the entire two days when we think he is gone?"

"And does WHAT, James? He isn't allowed into Hogsmeade and I doubt he bunks with Professor Dumbledore!"

"He could do whatever he wanted, Sirius. I am sure he leaves the grounds, but just saying. The only way we would know if Remus left the school would be if we put a tracking spell on him."

James tapped his chin. It wouldn't be too hard to pull off, he thought, and Remus wouldn't even know.

"ABSOLUTELY NOT! I REFUSE! THAT IS THE DUMBEST IDEA I HAVE EVER HEARD! HOW WOULD YOU LIKE IT IF WE KNEW EXACTLY WHERE YOU WERE TWENTY-FOUR SEVEN!"

Sirius went off his rocker, looking so outraged by James that James felt threatened, for the first time ever in Sirius' presence.

"WELL, I DON'T KNOW, SIRIUS!"

"We don't know, Sirius," James said, forcibly calmer, pushing his glasses up his nose.

"We don't know anything. It was just a thought." James sighed, stretching.

"I know. This is hard. I am sorry for yelling. But, James…" Sirius looked contrite, but he held his ground.

"I know." Said James shortly. That was the end of that. The full moon hovered in the middle of the night sky, and the three boys went to bed, each of them lost in their own thoughts as they considered James' suggestion.

XXX

It was very easy to get into Sirius' bad books. The entire Slytherin House had managed to, just because of a group of first-years who had bullied Remus, one of Sirius' best friends.

There were very few people who Sirius loved, and even fewer who he trusted, which is why once you lost Sirius' love and trust (not that Sirius had loved _or_ trusted the Slytherins), it was acutely impossible to get it back.

Sirius didn't love most of his family and he didn't trust any of them. He loved only his little brother Regulas and his older cousin Andromeda. Trusting any member of Sirius' family always had dire consequences. He had learnt _that_ a long time ago.

Sirius loved James Potter. James was Sirius' first friend at Hogwarts. James had accepted Sirius as a friend even though the name 'Black' gave those who possessed it a bad reputation. James had Sirius' trust. How could he not, with all of the pranks they pulled together?

Peter Pettigrew was also loved and trusted by Sirius, mostly because Peter had never hurt a fly. Peter wasn't smart and he followed James far too much, but Sirius trusted him _because_ of that reason.

Remus was different.

Remus would have been Sirius' second friend at Hogwarts. Sirius liked Remus because he was the complete opposite to him. Sirius had grown up rich, but Remus wore a second-hand uniform. Sirius sat with his back straight because his mother hated him slouching, but Remus had bent-in shoulders. Sirius thrived on attention but Remus shied away from it. Remus blushed, something Sirius did not do. Ever.

Remus was beautiful in a soft way, and Sirius was all cold. Remus was smart, and he was skinny and didn't eat a lot. Remus had scars, and Sirius did too.

Remus was very mysterious.

Sirius trusted James' judgement, but he did not like the thought of Remus keeping secrets, for all of his talk.

James saying that Remus was 'secretive' made Remus sound dirty. Sirius' loyalty to his friends made him want to shoot that thought down, but there was no denying it anymore.

Mysteriousness made things interesting, but secrets were bad and a bearer of secrets was untrustworthy.

Remus was very secretive.

Was Sirius' trust wasted on Remus?

He didn't want to think that it was. Remus was a good person.

And certain events proved that.

_Flashback _

Peter was folding paper airplanes with nimble fingers, and Sirius and James were watching him in utter absorption. They hadn't seen anything like it before, the drawbacks of being pure-bloods, the both of them. Peter took secret delight in knowing how to do something neither Sirius nor James knew how to do, and when Sirius and James wanted him to make more than the first he had originally done out of boredom, he complied.

Soon the grass surrounding Peter was carpeted in white paper planes and little origami dogs and rabbits and chatterboxes and cranes.

Sirius and James, sitting side by side on a bench, were bent in half, leaning so far over to focus on Peter's hands that they were at risk of falling from the bench and into Peter's lap.

With an exaggerated flourish, Peter produced from his palms a tiny frog that Sirius and James fawned over.

"You are so clever, Peter! Isn't he, Sirius?" James nudged the frog with his pinky, and Peter puffed out his chest, thrumming at James' high praise.

"Can it move by itself? Peter, the paper planes move by themselves, can this?" Peter shook his head tragically and Sirius slumped, crestfallen.

"Sirius! We can make it move ourselves!"

"It's not the same, Jamsie." Sirius snuffled.

"Yes, it is, Sirius!" James jumped up, crumpling the origami he had forgotten still littered the grass beneath his feet.

"No!" Peter dived forward and snatched them away. He pedantically folded them away into the pockets of his robes, smoothing the more wrinkled ones.

James apologised before he turned back to the important matter at hand.

"Righto. It goes something like… _this_." James' brow furrowed as he made a hopeful squiggly line in the air above the frog with his wand.

Nothing happened.

"Aw." A sullen James cussed to himself, but before he could get too riled up, Sirius butted in.

"Jamsie, NO! You were doing it wrong! It goes like _this_."

Sirius drew a circle in the air above the frog with his own finger print marked wand. There was a shimmer and then the frog hopped once, twice, and again.

Off the bench it had been resting on, it fell down onto the grass where it hopped around Peter and then climbed up his legs and arm to nestle itself in the crook of his shoulder.

Peter stroked it, then looked back at Sirius, who was now bent down beside him and selecting a plane from the collection.

"_You_."

Peter had taught Sirius and James how to throw the planes correctly to get the maximum flight from the limited amount of breeze available.

Sirius sent the plane in a long arc that zoomed over the heads of another group of first-years. With another circular motion, Sirius sent the plane spiralling.

"JAMSIE! James! This is FUN!" Not wanting to be out-done, James scurried to get his own plane.

"How do you do it, Sirius? OI! Sirius!"

Sirius laughed, the plane at the end of his wand flying higher and higher, a stream of gold sparks allowing its progress to be seen against the white clouds. It was zigzagging and plummeting and rising again, and it and Sirius were drawing the attention of other bored students who were too wasting away their break between classes in the main courtyard.

"Come on, Jamsie!" James threw his best friend a look.

Peter pulled himself up to sit on the bench, the frog swaying on his shoulder. James and Sirius had a bad habit of taking things further. Nothing ever satisfied them for long, he thought to himself, sighing.

His buttocks felt numb and dewy from the grass and he had three paper cuts he couldn't heal because they hadn't learnt healing spells yet.

That, and Peter was really bad at spell work.

James got the hang of the circular movement after several stress-inducing minutes. He roared in laughter as he sent his plane cannoning towards a bunch of four-years who overreacted a tad, swinging their bags at the poor thing until one connected and it crashed to the ground.

"NO!" James and Sirius (who had seen the whole thing), cried.

Of course Sirius and James then chose to send _all_ of the origami at everybody and anyone in retribution.

The dogs ran, feeling their masters indignation, acted on those feelings by pulling at people's hair. The frogs hopped up robes and trousers and skirts; the cranes and swans fluttered directly in people's faces, using their wings to scratch; the cranes dive-bombed on groups and sent people sprawling.

Screams of the victims rose, laughter intermingled with them from those who were on the fringes of the courtyard, avoiding the attack.

Peter wondered how an idea so innocent could become something so, well, _evil_.

A boy with oily, ink coloured hair passed Peter by. He was reading a scroll full of words, his face so close to the parchment that his nose was covered in ink.

Sirius and James noticed him from where they stood in the middle of the path the boy was traversing. They knew him. He was a first-year, like them. Sirius and James had met him on the Hogwarts Express and had taken an instant disliking to him. He was Slytherin-obsessed and considered himself above the world. Severus (the boy), had gotten a terrible impression from Sirius and James too. They hadn't crossed for the whole seven weeks they had been at Hogwarts, but Sirius and James, caught up in what they had done, decided to include this 'Severus' too.

Together, Sirius and James made the circular motion and the origami came running, flying and hopping. The two boys sent their fleet at Severus, who had no idea.

The first paper plane crashed into Severus' back, but he didn't notice.

The second one, however, bowled him over.

Sirius and James slung their arms over each other, helping to keep each other standing as they laughed mercilessly at Severus.

Severus shielded his face with his bag, but the origami still found purchase in his hair and robes, the gold sparks that followed each separate origami piece bigger and brighter than before.

No one came to Severus' rescue. He was Slytherin, and the courtyard held a mix of Griffindors and Hufflepuff and Ravenclaws who held no warm feelings for a member of that cold house.

No one except Lily Evans.

Lily squeezed past two onlooking girls and marched up to the cowering Severus and nearby Sirius and James.

She was _livid_. Her vivid red hair bounced with every step; her green eyes would have killed anybody who dared make contact with them. Her wand was drawn, and at once Sirius and James fell silent, unsure if this girl was serious or not.

She was.

Lily fearlessly strode up to Severus. Wielding her wand with natural ease, she freed Severus from the origami army, and the paper fell away at once.

The laughter in the courtyard died without the entertainment, but Lily wasn't threw yet.

She helped Severus stand, her eyes softer when she looked at him. Her question '_are you okay, Severus?_' rang out, and Severus blushed and nodded once. He had cuts on his cheeks and he was trembling, and Sirius felt the girl had no right in interfering, not when 'Severus' hadn't even bothered to raise his wand and defend himself. It was just _paper_.

"OI! What're you _doing_?"

Lily turned, her eyes flashing and her mouth setting in a thin line.

"How despicable. You ask me what _I _am doing, when the real question is, what are _you_ doing?"

Sirius looked for James for support, and he didn't fail him.

"We were having a bit of fun."

"Fun? FUN? You call attacking someone while their back is turned FUN?"

Sirius and James shifted uncomfortably. The Griffindors and Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws were changing allegiances, and James and Sirius were losing what they had gained.

"I, um."

"'I, um.' Is that all you have to say for yourself, Potter? Pathetic. The lot of you!" Her voice reached everyone, and a couple of the crowd decided that was their cue to get away unscathed.

"You call yourselves Griffindors! The brave, the daring! Very _courageous_ indeed! Come on, Severus. They are not worth our time."

Severus was looking at the girl with surprise and the beginnings of respect. The girl tucked away her wand and laid a hand on Severus' arm and began to lead him down the path.

James collapsed next to Peter on his bench, and James and Peter stared mouth-wide after the girl's fiery hair. Sirius, to save something from the ruins, spoke up without thinking.

"Oh, what would you know? You're just a mudblood; why, _Snivellus_ here is nothing more than a half-blood!" The gasps of horror left the remaining Griffindors and Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws mouths. The girl and Severus stopped where they were, but this time it was Severus to turn around with a snarl.

"DON'T YOU EVER INSULT LILY LIKE THAT AGAIN! DO YOU HERE ME, YOU GOOD-FOR-NOTHING BLACK!" The picture would have been complete if Severus had had steam coming from his ears, but he didn't. All he had was a wand he aimed at Sirius unwaveringly, until Lily lowered it.

"Leave it, Severus. No one has ever taught him any manners, the poor dear."

The scornful voice Lily said that in had Sirius feeling as though there was some hidden meaning there, but for the life of him he couldn't work out what.

Sirius was astounded that he could have caused a reaction like that when the origami hadn't. He didn't see what was so wrong with what he had said, but James and Peter looked as appalled as everybody else.

Lily and Severus departed with the rest of the crowd after that, and James and Peter snuck away, mumbling their pathetic excuses about going to class and finishing off homework.

Sirius was deserted in the middle of the courtyard; the Griffindors, Ravenclaws, Hufflepuffs and his friends unwilling to stand by him.

And he didn't know why.

"Sirius? Where are James and Peter?" Remus' quiet voice drifted over to Sirius, who turned in relief at the sight of his friend. Remus came up to Sirius, has hands busily working to stuff some parchment away.

Sirius wondered how to explain what had happened. Maybe Remus could tell him where he went wrong?

He sat down beside his bag and the remaining pile of origami.

"Where did these come from? They are so _cool_," breathed Remus, who followed Sirius' lead and sat down opposite him.

"Careful! The grass- it's wet." Remus just gave Sirius a half-smile, and Sirius offered up his answer.

"Peter made them, actually."

"Where is he now, Sirius?"

Remus was smart, Sirius figured, he could work it out when Sirius was too muddled and hurt too.

"They ran away."

The story came pouring out after that without much prompting on Remus' part. Remus had smiled at the beginning, but by the end he was thoughtful and his face was creased.

Sirius couldn't meet Remus' eyes, the same way no one could meet his.

"Sirius? Didn't anybody ever teach you that it is rude to call someone 'mudblood'?"

There was no judgement in Remus' voice, and Remus hadn't gone running. Sirius looked at him through his hair.

"No?" The question in Sirius' voice made Remus study Sirius until he found the right words.

"Sirius, you can't go round calling people 'mudblood' even if they _are_ of muggle descent, and even if they have annoyed you, or made you angry."

"It makes them sound abnormal and filthy, when they _aren't_, they are the same as us; witches and wizards. It is very disrespectful and is very discriminating."

"Do you understand?"

Remus waited expectantly for Sirius to answer 'yes'.

He didn't.

Instead, Sirius strived to make Remus understand. If Remus got up now and decided he too couldn't stand to breathe the same air as Sirius…

Sirius didn't know what he would do.

"Remus, in my family we are all pure-bloods."

"We are taught it is wrong to be anything else, and we always call anybody not a pure-blood either mudblood, half-blood or muggle, depending."

Remus nodded sympathetically, truly astonished to hear just what Sirius had grown up believing.

It wasn't Sirius' fault.

"I thought everybody did."

Sirius faltered. Now that he thought about it, his assumption did not seem right.

"No, Sirius. We call witches born from muggles 'muggleborns'."

"Oh." Sirius cradled a crane in his hands, a blush on his cheeks.

"Sirius, I think you need to apologise to Lily."

"And Snivell- Severus, too, for calling him a half-blood?" Sirius did not like the thought. He did not like _Snivellus_ at all and didn't think he deserved an apology.

Anything to please his only friend.

"You need to apologise Severus for the trick, Sirius," said Remus with a strict glint to his eyes,

"But not for calling him a 'half-blood'."

"How do you know?" Sirius said, desperately.

"Sirius… I thought you knew." Sirius watched Remus' suddenly sorry eyes, not sure where Remus was going with this.

"I am a half-blood like Severus. My mother is a muggle."

Sirius reeled at this.

"I did _not_ know! What's she like? What's your father like? Where do you live? Do you have 'rtricity'?"

Remus laughed at Sirius' attempt to pronounce 'electricity', but gave no answers.

"Does this knowledge change things, Sirius?" Remus hoped it wouldn't, but Sirius looked borderline alarmed, and Remus had to ask.

"NO! NO, not at all!"

"Good then, Sirius."

**So, it's here! Really sorry I didn't get it up sooner (I know I left you with a bit of a cliffhanger), but I have been busy :)**

**It's a bit of a longer chapter to make up for it!**

**Tell me what you think! Please review!  
**


	17. The Lengthening

The centaurs stood shoulder to shoulder in a line that stretched as far as the Forbidden Forest reached, standing back perhaps a metre from the border.

They might have been colourless forms in the darkness, but they were distinguishable from the trees and plants they appeared not to have any consideration for. They were unmoving and armed; bows with arrows notched and razor sharp tipped spears held waist high.

Not one of them was trying to hide their presence.

The whites of their eyes followed Remus and Matron Pomfrey's journey from Hogwarts. The boy and the Matron passed by the forest and the centaurs, and the centaurs grew even more still, if that was even possible.

They had come for the boy. The werewolf who the Headmaster had let into his school, even though werewolves were not fickle creatures that could be tamed and made safe, but dangerous, deadly beasts, who attacked first and questioned later. A werewolf, allowed to transform on the grounds of a school full of children.

Children were precious, and it was not right that they were threatened by some old man's whims. The centaurs were self-proclaimed protectors of children; the werewolf was a child himself, but on the night of a full moon, the werewolf was not a child and so the centaurs never thought of him as one.

The centaurs had only recently discovered the werewolf's existence. They knew how Professor Dumbledore was trying to keep him contained; they knew the Headmaster's means were not working, for all of his good intentions.

If the werewolf got free on the night of the full moon then all-hell would break lose.

The centaurs were going to prevent that.

Remus and Matron Pomfrey were following the path that lay side by side with the Forbidden Forest. They shared no words.

Halfway down the path and to the Whomping Willow Matron Pomfrey became aware of the centaurs and ripped Remus back. Remus tried to free himself from her clutch; 'Matron, what...?' but then he saw what she did.

The centaurs. _Was this about the full moon remark? _Remus wondered if he should say something, but didn't, too overwhelmed by the threatening mass to do much more than stare.

With quick eyes, Matron Pomfrey checked the moon's progress. Remus had, at best, twenty minutes. Matron Pomfrey cast _expecto patronum_ in a voice only Remus could hear, and a dove made of threads of silver light erupted from Matron Pomfrey's wand and flew back the way Remus and the Matron had come.

Remus didn't take his eyes away from the centaurs. He realised he knew the one in front of him. It was the centaur he, Sirius, James and Peter had met in the Forbidden Forest four nights ago. The centaur didn't acknowledge him, but kept his eyes on the Whmping Willow just behind Remus.

Matron Pomfrey settled her hands on Remus' bony shoulders, and the boy nearly jumped out of his skin.

"How do you feel?" Remus didn't think that _now _was the time for those sorts of questions. The full moon had not reached its highest point yet, but it was only a matter of time.

"Matron…"

"I know. Headmaster Dumbledore shall be here shortly."

Remus and Matron stood opposite the threatening centaurs who didn't move a muscle, Remus trembling every now and then.

XXX

Professor Dumbledore appeared at long last, just as Matron Pomfrey's fingers were beginning to flurry at the base of Remus' neck and Remus was beginning to think he would have to transform with all of the centaurs as witnesses.

Professor Dumbledore didn't look to be in any hurry to those who didn't know him very well, but something seethed behind his spectacles and made his face unwelcoming.

His midnight blue robes swished around his feet as he walked, speaking out to Matron Pomfrey and Remus when he was still twenty metres away.

"Matron Pomfrey, Mr Lupin; excellent. Please, Matron, proceed to take Remus to the Willow, if you will."

The Matron gave a relieved affirmative then turned Remus around at Dumbledore's request, ignoring the centaurs who moved at the sight of the boy and the Matron walking away from them.

"Not so fast, _Dumbledore_. Werewolf, stop where you are."

Matron Pomfrey pushed Remus ahead of her before he could do as the centaur had said.

"I said, STOP WHERE YOU ARE!"

Matron Pomfrey and Remus scuttled forward faster, the centaur who had raged at them breaking the line and stepping out of the Forbidden Forest, a direct violation of a Vow made eons ago.

The other centaurs pulled him back and out of sight as Professor Dumbledore stepped up and Matron Pomfrey and Remus approached the Whomping Willow, the Matron using her wand to press the knot that stopped the Willow's branches from swinging as Remus kept his nervous eyes on the Headmaster, who looked powerless in front of all of the combined centaur's might.

Words were spoken, angry tones were used. Remus had no idea what was going on, and he couldn't _hear_, or even use a charm to amplify his hearing without Matron Pomfrey knowing.

Eventually Professor Dumbledore turned around and winked at Remus. He strode into the Forbidden Forest without procrastination, the centaurs enveloping him in their midst.

The sound of the centaur's hooves hitting the ground faded, and the night was returned to quiet bliss, except a thousand things had changed.

Matron Pomfrey waved Remus into the Whomping Willow, her top teeth bitting down on her bottom lip as she scanned the forest for any signs of life.

The full moon was a minute away from peak.

XXX

Remus entered the Willow with a sense of foreboding.

"The centaurs are just very protective, Remus, of children. They don't want anything to come to harm the students of Hogwarts, and they don't like knowing that something possibly stronger than them is out lurking about. Professor Dumbledore will explain it all to them, and everything will be alright."

Did Matron Pomfrey really believe the spiel she had just given?

The words were said in a rush as they scampered down the tunnel leading to the shack. It was nothing more than a vertical hole in the Earth. Mud caked the walls and the floor and no lights illuminated the way.

When they broke free of the tunnel, an itchiness began to settle in Remus' bones.

He took the stairs two at a time and raced into the bedroom, slamming the door behind him and leaving the Matron alone on the landing.

Remus wouldn't have time to change out of his robes as he usually did.

He went and lowered himself into a corner, covering his knocking knees with a fraying blanket that let in more cold than it kept out.

"Remus? Are you okay?"

"Matron, you had best go." Remus said quietly.

Remus knotted his hands into the fraying blanket so that they wouldn't be free to scratch for a little while longer.

He could hear the Matron pacing.

"You- you don't need anything?" Remus clamped down on his chattering teeth.

"I will be here in the morning, okay Remus?" Remus closed his eyes, and Matron Pomfrey locked the wooden door with _alohomora_, something she hadn't ever done before.

XXX

In, out.

The bedroom was as close to total darkness as it could reasonably get. No lanterns or candles were allowed in the room, for fear of the werewolf toppling one over and burning to death. The bars and heavy wooden planks blocking the window had enough of a gap to allow Remus to see the moon, and see it reach its highest point.

In, out.

The pain started.

In, out.

It always began with a _pull_. After the pull Remus' body would _itch_, but it would be an itch he could never get rid of, an itch in his bones. The hair would begin to sprout then, and Remus would either grit his teeth and shut his eyes, containing his screams, or he would let them out, eyes open and watching the horror unfolding before his eyes.

Tonight Remus knew the Matron might still be in the tunnel, so he kept his pain to himself.

In, out.

After the hair came the _lengthening_. Every bone in Remus' body would stretch to maximum and then _further_.

Remus screamed, and screamed and screamed.

He didn't stop for air, because what was air? A decade could have passed or a second could have elapsed; the shack could have concaved in on itself, but what was the shack?

The lengthening stopped, but still Remus screamed and screamed and screamed…

His body might have become the werewolf's; he might have a snout and claws and be ten feet tall, but Remus was still in possession of his body, which meant the werewolf had not joined him.

That meant this wasn't over.

In, out.

To have your mind smashed to smithereens is something not even your _worst_ enemy should have to experience.

In, out.

If this full moon was like one of the ones Remus had had at Hogwarts, then Remus wouldn't be mentally present for this part of the transformation. Remus' old potions split Remus from the werewolf's consciousness, which in turn made him forget. The old potions made Remus attack his surroundings.

This time, this full moon, however, there was only an _alohomora _on the door and a numbing potion in Remus' system. The _alohomora_ charm would prevent the door being opened if the werewolf/Remus applied pressure on the door handle. The numbing potion would stop Remus from feeling pain when he bit himself.

Remus would be with the werewolf, unable to control his own body but bearing witness. This transformation would resemble the ones Remus had lived through at St Mungo's.

In, out.

It began.

In, out.

The werewolf invaded Remus' mind, blowing apart the barriers Remus didn't even know he had.

It felt like a thousand needles piercing Remus' mind at the exact same time. It made Remus moan and screech and whimper. It made Remus overbalance and crash to a shuddering pile on the floor.

Remus screamed, but his scream was cut brutally short.

In, out.

The werewolf was pure animalistic instinct, hard-wired to kill. It didn't like Remus, and Remus was shoved into a corner of his mind, helplessly surrendering his body to the werewolf who took over with practise and impatience.

It didn't like having Remus there but it made do once it worked out that scratching viciously at its head wouldn't make Remus go away.

It set out trying to get outside where it could howl to its heart's content at the moon.

The werewolf bumped its head against the exposed beams. It stumbled around, keening, knocking its body into the corners of the cupboard and the bed frame and the walls. The werewolf couldn't find an exit to freedom. It could see through the window bars the white disc that was the full moon and that tantalised it.

Remus made his being as minor as he could. He couldn't lose himself in his memories of his friends for fear that the werewolf might try to hunt them done. He couldn't think of Hogwarts or the knowledge that the door would open if the werewolf leaned all of its weight against it. He couldn't think, and he couldn't control the werewolf when it realised that there was no exit.

Remus couldn't stop the werewolf from bashing its head over and over and over again into the walls as it tried to force its way through. There was no pain, but Remus and the werewolf grew dizzy.

When the werewolf realised it couldn't escape it began to howl.

When the werewolf got hungry, it began to bite itself.

**How is it? What are you thinking? Do you like it, or do you think its gone too dark?**

**Opinions, please! Review!**


	18. To Feel

**This is a very dark chapter, if you ask me. **

**It actually scares me. **

**This is dedicated to Maybe2Morrow and xSaffire55x, because you have both reviewed more than twice, and your reviews have been very encouraging and helpful. Thank you xx.**

"_The bite marks! Albus…"_

"_He has torn off his own flesh…"_

"_The werewolf…"_

"_Remus… He's too young for this!"_

"_Not even when the boy came back from St Mungo's did he look so bad…" _

"_I think… the werewolf attacked itself so viciously because it was numb…" _

"_It couldn't feel how badly it really was hurting itself." _

_They knew he could hear them, yes? These people, people everywhere, always talking about Remus like he couldn't hear a thing they said, couldn't understand the words or form feelings in regards to them. Was he so cold in reality that everybody believed him careless? His parents had talked in front of him like he was no more than a piece of furniture and now these strangers talked above him. Remus was smarter than everyone. He knew what those pauses between words meant and what the gasps insinuated. Remus knew because he could feel and he could remember what the werewolf had done to him, to itself. The words glided against his skin like icy frostbite. They only told him what he knew; that death was around the corner and creeping closer. The voices wanted to keep him and tie him down and never let him go. Anger flared in Remus, and he allowed himself to feel. The werewolf hadn't known when to stop. It had gnawed at its bones because it was caged in and alone and had only wanted to feel something, anything. No matter how hard it bit there was nothing, and the nought pain or sensation drove the werewolf insane under the cool full moon. The ball of fire that was the rising sun had dissolved the numbing spell and had finally brought what the werewolf wanted, an inferno that meant it was alive, but it was too late, and the werewolf had to leave, and it was only Remus and the pain, pain, pain pain pain. Remus was ablaze with a fire that smouldered within and was spreading out. The pain took him over and gave him no room to move. He was red-hot. He was scorching. It was a kind of pain that stole his breath away. It made him want to do more than cry. It made want to howl like a werewolf, and scream like the boy he actually was, and blackout like he couldn't. It made him want to give up. It made Remus want to just die already, please just let me die already, he begged, wordlessly. The werewolf had half done the job, why couldn't someone finish it? Dying would be better than experiencing this. The selfish, inconsiderate voices (who Remus knew, deep down, were doing their best for him), weren't going to let Remus go and find solace in Death's cold embrace. So Remus decided he would free himself. He found it was scarily easy to disengage his soul from his body. Or maybe he just expanded his consciousness. Whatever he did left him bodiless and much disorientated. There was no up or down in the world of spirit. There was no pain. Remus pictured what he wanted to see and figured if he concentrated hard enough, he would end up where he wanted to be. It worked. Though he had no eyes through which to look the infirmary appeared clear as day around him. There were three people hovering around the bed Remus usually filled; three hesitant, unsure people. One of them was a lady in white; Matron Pomfrey. Professor Dumbledore, who had obviously managed to surface safely from the Forbidden Forest, and Professor McGonagall, dressed in her black robes, were there too. They were the voices, and Remus wasn't really surprised by that. The Professors were silent now, the theories and thoughts of horror exhausted. Professor Dumbledore stood on one side of the bed with Professor McGonagall a little ways back behind him; Matron Pomfrey stood on the other side of the bed. Remus drifted forwards to float by the end of the bed; the body he had just vacated hovering twenty centimetres above the blankets, thanks to Professor Dumbledore. Remus' body was utterly ravaged, destroyed so badly that there wasn't a piece of skin not covered in dried blood. That was why they hadn't placed Remus' body on the bed, Remus realised. If they did Remus' body might stick to the sheets and the many wounds might become infected. Remus tore his eyes away from the ripped skin and bite-marked limbs, feeling sick. That had been him. That was him, a small voice said. Remus ignored it. He had no intention of sinking back into that body, no intention of feeling that pain again. _

"_Albus… What did the centaurs say?" Professor McGonagall spoke with a shaky voice._

"_Minerva, do not fret. They were riled up, admittedly but I have assured the centaurs that Remus here is no threat to them, or to anyone else. They think they know a way to help Remus here. After all, he is still a child, and they protect children…" Professor Dumbledore's voice petered out. Remus was curious as what way the centaurs knew, but it didn't matter anymore. Remus focused with faint interest on Matron Pomfrey, who had a fiercely determined expression on her face. How would she save Remus, this time, when there was nothing left to save? Matron Pomfrey inhaled deeply, before beginning to chant incantations, wielding her wand at Remus' body. The infirmary was lit up with weak sunshine, but the blue streaks coming out of Matron's wand highlighted Remus' wounds better. Professor McGonagall looked out of her depth. It was obvious she thought the whole case somewhat hopeless, but she looked at the Matron with admiration, and Remus did too. He couldn't fathom why someone would try so hard for a werewolf who would end up the same way in another twenty eight days. He wanted to tell her not to bother, that it was easier on everyone if they just let him go, but when Remus tried to speak, he couldn't find his mouth, because he didn't have one. Remus didn't recognise the spells Matron Pomfrey cast over his body and he had no idea if they were working. Nothing was happening on the surface. Remus' body's eyelids twitched, and suddenly his body was convulsing. Professor Dumbledore kept a blank expression, but he muttered a spell quickly under his breath, and went from using one hand to hold his wand to using both hands to hold it and keep Remus' body still. A bang! echoed, and Professor McGonagall and Remus saw the infirmary doors be thrown open. Professor McGonagall stepped through Remus, her wand aimed at the person. Remus felt fear for half a second, but it was needless fear. The person was only Professor Slughorn, who was running as fast as his short legs and bloated stomach would let him. Professor McGonagall gave a relieved, but exasperated sigh, using her wand to re-shut the doors. Professor Slughorn's eyes bulged at the gathering of Headmaster, Professor McGonagall, Matron Pomfrey and Remus. _

"_I-" Professor Slughorn didn't know what to say, and Remus felt a detached pity for him. Professor Slughorn slowed down, breathing with difficulty, much like Remus' body did. How it was breathing was a mystery to Remus, but he discarded that question. It was not a pretty sight, at all. The blue streaks of light were turning soft green and some of Remus' body's worst wounds were shrinking in size. Sweat dotted Matron Pomfrey's brow. Professor Slughorn was carrying a cauldron of steaming substance. Professor McGonagall snapped out of her stupor and created a cart Professor Slughorn could dump the cauldron on. _

"_I- I brought them, Poppy. The Blood Replenishing potion, Regeneration potion, Murtlap essence and Star Grass salve." _

"_All of that, Poppy?" Professor McGonagall exclaimed, aghast, as Professor Slughorn drew from his pockets two glass containers and a flask. _

"_I may be a skilled witch, Minerva, but Remus is a werewolf. He needs more than that, but there is no more." Matron Pomfrey said, heavily, using her wand to summon the flask to her side. The soft green streaks faded, and the room seemed dimmer than before. Remus' body was not so bloody anymore. There were still open wounds and bite marks, but they were fewer. Professor Dumbledore lowered Remus' body onto the bed, and Remus watched as Matron Pomfrey prised open Remus' body's mouth and splashed five drops of the Blood Replenishing potion in. Remus thought his body definitely needed that; Remus' body's face was whiter than the bedspread. _

"_Why the Regeneration potion?" _

"_Mr Lupin is currently not residing in his body, Minerva," Professor Dumbledore replied idly, producing a goblet from thin air and filling it with the steaming potion from the cauldron. Remus stared in shock at him. How did he know that? _

"_What do you mean, Albus? He's- he's witnessing this? Everything we do? What we say?" Professor McGonagall clutched her chest, her eyes flitting about as though looking for a sign that they were not alone. Matron Pomfrey opened both glass containers and gave them to Professor Slughorn to hold. Professor Slughorn, looking very awkward, held them out for her, and she smothered one of the creamy potions over Remus' body's bigger cuts. She got dollops of the other potion and plastered them on the bites. _

"_Precisely, Minerva. I expect the pain was too much for him. It is impossible to feel when you are in corporeal form."_

"_But-but, how would a boy work out how to go corporeal?!" Professor McGonagall shrieked. Remus had never seen the Professor lose control like that. Professor Slughorn's hands shook. _

"_He was forced into it, Minerva. He was on the brink of death; he lost the will to live." Professor Dumbledore said no more to her, and she collapsed into a chair. The Headmaster walked back around the bed to Remus' body's side, and the Matron removed her hands, Remus' body satisfactorily slathered in cream. Professor Slughorn put down the empty containers. Remus and the others watched Professor Dumbledore in fascination. The Professor held the goblet up like an offering, his eyes intent on the ceiling. Raising his voice slightly, Professor Dumbledore spoke directly to Remus. _

"_Mr Lupin. I am afraid dying was not your choice to make. We couldn't let someone as young as you are die without experiencing the world. We want you to live, Mr Lupin, but you need to live, for yourself. Don't give up yet." With that said and a bleak feeling cast over them all, Professor Dumbledore tipped the potion into Remus' body's mouth. When it was all gone, Professor Dumbledore straightened. Remus hadn't known entirely why the Headmaster had let him into Hogwarts but now it seemed that Professor Dumbledore's motive had been to give Remus a life worth living. Remus wanted to live that life. He was shocked at his choice but it was true; he wanted to live. How could a potion give him back his life? Remus didn't feel any different, and his body didn't look any different. Then he felt a pang. His was in corporeal form, and yet he felt a pang. No! I want to live! Remus' first, irrational thoughts. He was being dragged upwards by an invisible hand. He was hovering above his body. Please, let me live. Please, he thought, he prayed. Let this work. He fell down onto his body, Remus spiraled down into a black hole. He spiraled down into darkness. _


	19. Legitimate

**Okay, everyone, I am not very confident about this chapter!**

**Some of you have been requesting that I write from someone else's POV, so here is Peter's! It was hard, but does it sound okay? Do you think it fits in? Do you want me to right more POV's from Peter in the future? Is there anyone else you want a POV from?  
**

**A BIG thank you to all of those who have been reviewing!  
**

It was hard to recover from the brink of death.

Remus' soul had to re-merge back with his body. The Regeneration potion was doing that, but it was a protracted process, and a tender one.

Remus' body was not recovered from the past night, and Remus' soul had been traumatised. Remus' body had been stocked up with calming draughts and sleeping potions and healing spells. A potion that left the drinker paralysed had been fed to Remus' body to keep it still while the Regeneration potion re-joined Remus' soul with stitch after arduous stitch.

As he sank deeper into himself and the more complete Remus became, the fuzzier his thoughts.

Remus thought he felt Matron Pomfrey brush back his hair from his sweaty forehead.

That probably happened.

Remus thought he saw Professor Dumbledore drinking hot chocolate and wearing pyjamas covered in snitches.

That might have happened, but in broad daylight?

He thought he saw Sirius riding a dragon.

That did not happen, although the dragon did look really _real_. It was breathing fire and everything.

He thought he saw Nearly Headless Nick drowning in the lake.

Nearly Headless Nick was a ghost, for one. And Nearly Headless could not leave Hogwarts, two.

Remus thought he saw James point his wand at him and send something burgundy at him, but he was mistaken, of course.

James would never put a spell on him.

XXX

They had decided to do it. It was a unanimous vote.

"I hate this, I hate this, I hate this."

James and Peter gave no reply. Remus had taken three times the amount of sleeping draught he should have, so nothing, not even Sirius' antics, would be waking him up any time soon. Matron Pomfrey had a silencing charm on her office door, courtesy of Peter.

"I hate this." Sirius said in a much quieter voice, crossing his arms and scuffing his shoe across the floor.

"You agreed to do this, Sirius. And I think it's in all of our best interests if we do. Especially Remus'. I mean, come on, _look at him_!" James finally snapped at his friend. He jabbed his hand at the sleep prone Remus, his voice rising at Sirius' _blindness_ and utter _idiocy_.

"He looks as though he has been in a fight! What if his family is beating him up at home, and he is too shy to tell anyone? Or- or the Slytherins have made an arrangement with Remus to back off if he…" James' eyes looked back down at the page of the book he had been skim-reading.

"He is lying about something big, Sirius. You know that, and not even you will stop me from working out what."

Sirius huffed. He un-folded his arms and made his way around James and Peter to the other side of Remus' bed where he grabbed a tight hold of Remus' cool fingers.

"We will remove it, right? If Remus is actually leaving Hogwarts?"

James dog-eared his page and set it aside, leaving Peter to assure Sirius that they would in an overly upbeat voice no fool would have fallen for.

Sirius was a fool, but a worried one, and the worry he harboured was clouding his judgement.

He gazed raptly into James' eyes.

"Should we make an Unbreakable Vow?"

You could have heard a pin drop.

James and Peter froze as though they had been petrified. An Unbreakable Vow was no joking matter. People _died _when they broke an Unbreakable Vow, hence the name _Unbreakable_.

The silence shrouded Remus' sickbed.

"Sirius! Don't you trust us?" James cried, scandalised, shattering the silence.

A snort rippled through it, and suddenly Sirius was laughing.

"No. Yes. I trust that you have my back?" James heard the question. Sirius sobered up almost as quickly as he had begun to laugh.

James shoved his glasses up his nose harder than he had intended to.

"Sirius, I will get to the bottom of this. Remus is our friend and he…" James got lost on the train of thought, but Peter nudged him and he snapped back to Earth.

"We will remove it. No Unbreakable Vow needed."

Sirius straightened as though the weight of the world had been on his shoulders.

"Pinky promise?" A teasing undercurrent flitted through Sirius' voice and lit up his eyes.

"_Seriously_? How old are we, five?" James chortled, glad, so very glad that there was not a serious bone in Sirius' body. They were back on even footing.

"Sir-_ius_, Jamsie." Sirius held out his pinky, and James grinned at his best friend. Their pinkies met.

"I promise to release Remus of this absolutely underhanded, selfish spell if Sirius Black promises to never suggest an Unbreakable Vow again."

Sirius hooted.

"Promise. Now you, Peter." Peter shook Sirius' pinky up and down, sweat dripping down his forehead.

"I promise, Sirius, I promise!"

Sirius' eyes narrowed playfully at Peter's over-enthusiasm.

"Maybe we should have made an Unbreakable Vow… You two…"

"Enough, you two," said James brusquely, putting a stop to that.

"Lord, I feel like Remus." James tried to joke, but he couldn't help but sigh at that. He wished Remus was awake and James didn't have to be the responsible one anymore.

The tracking spell James and Peter had found had to be cast on the person they wanted to track's wand, but the person needed to be holding his or her wand for it to work properly.

"Right. This tracking spell will let us know if Remus steps outside of the Hogwarts boundaries, as long as he has his wand with him, which he most definitely should."

"And we will be able to tell where he is inside Hogwarts?" James and Peter had been the ones to do the research, Sirius too busy sulking on Remus' behalf.

"If the need arises I will be able to check where he is through my wand. Otherwise, I won't," added James, surveying Sirius casually to see what he made of that.

Sirius nodded, loosening up on his death grip on Remus' hand.

"Do it, then."

The mood instantly grew solemn at Sirius' forced words. Peter stepped back from James, not wanting to hinder him.

"Put Remus' wand in his wand-hand."

Sirius did so, manipulating Remus' arm. He released Remus' fingers, not wanting to be caught in the fallback. Remus wasn't holding his wand, exactly. His fingers were just bent around it, but there was no time for Sirius to do better.

James cleared his throat. He aimed his wand at Remus' wand-hand.

"_Finreino_ 'Remus Lupin'."

Something should have happened then. Sirius and Peter studied the end of James' wand in trepidation, then raised their eyes quizzically at James.

James couldn't meet their eyes, feeling extremely dumb that he couldn't pull off the spell. His ego wouldn't allow him to admit failure, or suggest that Sirius tried it.

A heartbeat passed, then the air changed.

James' concern had been unsubstantiated.

A smoky, thick, burgundy coloured substance began to glide out of the end of James' wand. It crept down along the floor, rising slowly and purposefully up the foot of Remus' bed then over Remus' legs.

The smoky substance settled itself like a curled up cat on Remus' wand-hand. It completely encased Remus' hand and wand, before melting away into the wood and Remus' skin, leaving behind no trace of its existence.

James own wand flared in his hand, and he couldn't drop it.

"Guys, guys… YOW!"

Sirius launched himself to his best friend's side at James' screeches, attempting to wrestle the wand out of James' hand as James swore, tears in his eyes. Peter looked on, aghast and helpless.

As soon as it had begun the flare faded away, and Sirius managed to rip the wand from James' hand. The wand rolled to a stop on the floor by Peter's foot.

Sirius panted like a dog, his tongue hanging out of his mouth. James thanked Sirius, examining the line of white marring the palm of his wand-hand. Peter picked up James' wand, fear in his eyes.

"What was that?" Peter whispered, as though someone was listening in. Reflexively, James checked that the silencing charm was still holding on Matron Pomfrey's door.

"I forgot," James said, in a measured tone,

"That that would happen. Because I put the spell on Remus, only my wand and my hand will be able to _find_ Remus. The spell had to brand me so that it would know the difference between me and the rest of the world."

Sirius tripped back to Remus' side.

"Do you think he can hear us? Do you think he knows what we've done?"

"No, Sirius, I don't."

But James thought he saw a line of white beneath Remus' supposedly closed eyelids.

XXX

Peter legitimately liked Remus because Remus never laughed at Peter. Not when Peter stuffed up a spell, or wand movement, or got confused with Hippogriffs and unicorns, or put his robes on back to front or, or, or…

Peter did a lot of stupid things. Too many.

Sirius and James always laughed. Remus was the one to help Peter up from the floor and teach him the right incantation and wand movements. Remus taught Peter the difference between left and right and inside and out.

Remus read a lot, which made him a bit boring in Peter's eyes, and Remus often _listened_ in class and made Sirius, James and Peter be quiet so that he could. Remus didn't usually help to plan pranks, but sometimes Remus said things that made Sirius and James laugh. Remus was smart, and he didn't say a lot about himself, or anything much, voluntarily. Peter thought James and Sirius kept Remus around because Remus was mysterious.

Although now James was saying that mystery was bad and Remus was keeping secrets.

Peter knew James thought Remus leaving to visit his mother every single month was a bit suss, and Peter knew that Sirius thought it might have something to do with the full moon.

Peter, personally, didn't know what to think. It was off, as James had put out there and Sirius had kind-of-not-really-half agreed.

Peter agreed that they needed to put the tracking spell on Remus. There was, as James had said, the fact that maybe Remus was being beaten up. Peter just didn't think Remus had any evil ulterior motive if he was actually lying about where he went.

How could he, when Remus was just so unbelievably kind?

_Flashback_

Peter was walking slowly down the corridor, his eyes on his feet. He was holding onto a piece of parchment in his right hand. His other hand Peter kept braced against the left wall of the corridor.

Peter was prone to tripping over air, especially when he was in a hurry and wasn't concentrating. If he had his hand against the wall and walked along it then Peter wouldn't be in the way of oncoming traffic if he did happen to lose his footing, and he would be able to pull himself back up, too.

That was the theory, anyway.

It had been Remus' suggestion, and Peter thought it had been a good one.

Lunch had just ended, and Sirius had forgotten to do his Charms essay. James and Peter had told Sirius that he had no hope in completing it in the ten minutes they had before class started and they had to hand their essays up, but Sirius had been determined.

Sirius had sent James on an errand to find Remus, if he could, because Remus would be of far more assistance to Sirius than an actual Charms Professor.

Peter was to get a book for Sirius from the library, hence the name of the book on the piece of parchment in Peter's hand.

For the sake of his friend, Peter should have been hurrying, but Peter just couldn't find the energy, honestly, and he didn't want to waste what little energy he had if it turned out James had actually found Remus.

Twenty one, twenty two, twenty three.

The corridor was twenty three steps long. Peter turned the corridor, then started counting again.

One, two, three…

A bunch of Slytherins came bowling down the corridor, each of them purposely knocking their shoulders into Peter as they ran pass him.

Peter didn't react, even though the Slytherins had knocked him several feet back and he most certainly already had a bruise.

He just started counting again.

One, two, three… Peter stopped.

There was a doorway cut into the corridor's wall. Peter sighed. He removed his hand from the wall and took two steps to cover the distance of the doorway, before realising that there were voices coming from inside.

No one should have been in any classroom, not yet.

Peter was curious and he was bored. He didn't continue down the corridor but crouched down, pressing one ear to the crack in the not-fully-closed door.

_"They all HATE me! Hate me, hate me, HATE ME!"_

_"Oh no, you can't think that. They don't hate you. They just misunderstand you." _

_"Oh, puh-LEASE, Loony. You DON'T BELIEVE THAT! You trying to tell me that they just 'misunderstand you' too?"_

There was a silence. The other person didn't seem to know how to answer.

Laughter, at first disbelieving and then utterly demented, drifted to Peter's ears.

_"See? SEE?"_

_"No, Peeves, I do not see. The people here don't get your jokes. They don't understand that you are just trying to brighten up their days. That is all. None of that means they hate you. I like to think they don't hate me, either." _

That was Remus' voice! How had Peter not been able to pick his own friend's voice? The other person must have threw him off, he reassured himself. Peter didn't know any 'Peeves', except the ghost who haunted the school, and there was no way Remus was talking to him. There was no way _anybody _would choose to talk to the ghost 'Peeves'.

Peter got quickly to his feet, happy to have found Remus and to now no longer have to go to the library.

Peter barged into the classroom, shocking the two occupants.

Peter greeted Remus warmly, but his voice went high with uncertainty at the sight before his eyes.

Remus was sitting on a chair at one of the desks closer to the front of the room talking to 'Peeves', who was _not_ a person. 'Peeves' meant 'Peeves the ghost'.

At Peter's entrance Remus got to his feet, and the ghost ceased it's midair pacing.

"Peter?" Remus called, sounding surprised but welcoming.

"Remus?" Peter said, bewildered.

"Why are you talking to 'Peeves the ghost'?" Blurted out Peter, tactlessly. At that Peeves rose with indignation, his features blazing in fury. The chains that followed Peeves everywhere he went rattled.

"I TOLD YOU THEY HATE ME!" Peeves yelled, accusingly. Peter gasped, his body immobile.

"ARRGH!"

Peeves flew straight at Peter, who couldn't make his body move in time. Peeves zoomed through Peter then out the doorway to the corridor.

Peter rubbed at a cold spot in his chest uncomfortably.

"I didn't mean to… I'm sorry."

"And just when I thought I was getting through to him." Remus sighed, shaking his head. He picked up his satchel, then made his way over to Peter.

"'Getting through to him'?" Peter asked, relieved that Remus did not appear to be angry in the slightest at him.

"Yes. Peeves is under the impression that everybody hates him, because people are always telling him to do away with himself. A Slytherin told him to go jump off the Astronomy Tower, and Peeves, well. He found that to be particularly insensitive, especially since he is already dead, and can't 'do' anyway with himself."

Peter gaped at Remus. He had no idea that the ghosts could _feel_.

And accidently told Remus so.

"Of course they can feel, Peter! They are pure spirit!" Remus sounded annoyed at Peter's assumption. Peter blushed, but he found himself admiring Remus' consideration and compassion.

"I will try again with Peeves tomorrow." Remus declared, and Remus and Peter had spoken no more about Peeves since.


	20. Accio Goodbye

It was nice, Remus thought sleepily to himself, to wake up and be looking at the underside of your four-poster instead of the white, intricately decorated ceiling of the infirmary.

Even if Remus did wake up to the noise of consistent bangs and thumps and smashes and the odd curse.

Matron Pomfrey had fought spell, potion, glare and threat to keep Remus in the infirmary until he was completely, one hundred and ninety-nine per cent healed again.

Granted, he was grateful to her.

In his more lucid moments, as he tried to fight against the sleeping draughts pulling him under, Remus had complained that he was falling so far behind that soon Peter would be able to hex him without words.

In his _less_ lucid moments, Remus had mumbled about broomsticks and burgundy coloured smoke and the pesky dragon Sirius always seemed to be coaxing to breathe fire on Remus' forehead.

Matron Pomfrey had _tsked _at him, a faux-stern expression on her face as she none-too-gently pushed Remus down onto his fluffy… clouds?

Matron Pomfrey had to suppress a lot of smiles.

The end-of-term exams had come and gone without Remus participating in them. Matron Pomfrey had told him that the Headmaster had given him a full pardon, but still Remus had wished his lycanthropy didn't constantly have to interfere with everything in his life.

Remus had had to sort out a few things within himself, like the fact that he chosen to die, changed his mind, then had cheated death.

That could mess with anybody's head, as Matron Pomfrey had known, so she had given Remus sleep, and the quiet only the infirmary could give him.

"Remus!" Remus groaned, burrowing his face further into his pillow and pretending to still be fast asleep.

Everything with Sirius, James and Peter lately had a dose of strain about it. The first time they had dropped in to visit Remus had been out of it; same with the second time he vaguely remembered, although...

"OI! Rems!" Sirius ripped back Remus' curtains and jumped on top of Remus.

According to what Professor Dumbledore had told them, Remus had been in a car accident on the way back to Hogwarts from his mother's sickbed.

All three of Remus' friends had looked dubious about that, with good reason. It was not the most plausible of lies, but it bet 'Remus fell down some stairs, rolled out of a window and landed on his mother's cacti plants'.

Remus had to run with it, and Sirius, James and Peter let him. They all pretended that Remus was not making the story up on the spot, and Remus tried to make the story as layered as he could to fill Sirius, James and Peter's heads up with so much information that their suspicions would be forgotten. He knew it was fruitless.

Unless one of them came actually came outright and told him that enough was enough, he needed to tell them the truth, then, well, Remus would, and would have to keep making up stories.

"Wake UP, Rems!" Sirius hair was in Remus' mouth and his arms were pinned by his sides. Sirius' elbow was digging into a bruise.

Remus had described in detail what a car was when Sirius and James pretended to be curious enough to want to know more. Remus had a lot of difficulty dredging enough memories about the way cars worked. The last time he had been in a car he had been eight years old and on the way to St Mungo's. They asked who had been in the car with him, why he had been in a car, how bad the crash was… all the while trying to find holes in Remus' story, holes they could poke their fingers into and widen into a gash.

It was exhausting work, and by the time Remus finished, he had no idea what he had just said, but he didn't think that Sirius, James and Peter did either.

Sirius, James and Peter might have been suspicious of their friend, but they were still loyal to him, for now.

Sirius, James and Peter had dropped into infirmary to check up on Remus sporadically; sometimes before class, during the night, and occasionally even when both Matron Pomfrey and Remus knew for sure that there was a class in attendance.

They hovered around Remus protectively, aware that Remus really was injured. Sometimes they shared looks over Remus' head that he noticed but didn't say anything about. Having his friends stick by him even though he was giving them no reason to meant too much to Remus, and he wanted to savour having friends while he still could.

"Ow! Get-off, you lump!" Sirius' weight disappeared without an apology. Remus opened one eye.

"What do you want, Sirius? What time is it?"

Remus had done his best to convince them, but his best was not enough, and soon they would be smart enough to work out what were the right questions and what weren't. Remus dreaded that day.

After having spent all of the previous day twitching restlessly, feeling uncomfortable and lonely, Matron Pomfrey had let Remus go, but only after making Remus promise to come back if he so much as felt a twang.

"You missed breakfast! _Butttt_ I am luckily, for you, a VERY good friend. I saved you a croissant!" Sirius whipped something vaguely resembling a croissant from behind his back. It looked as though it had been sat on at one point, and had even had a bite taken out of it. Sirius shoved said croissant into Remus' hand then peered at Remus with a delighted smile, as though Remus should be thanking Sirius on bended knee.

"Now," Sirius said, satisfactorily,

"Because I gave you a croissant, can you please get up and help me find my other sock? And my wand? And my scarf? And my Quidditch book? And-"

Remus sat up, tearing a chunk of the croissant with his teeth upon realising how starving he was. That was pretty typical when he was still in the process of healing, as were the extended naps. He chewed carefully, stopping twice to pick bits of dust out of his mouth before interrupting what would have been an endless list.

"And practically everything else you own?"

"YES! Exactly, Remus, how did you know?" Remus pushed Sirius off of his bed with one weak hand, then snuggled back down into his blankets. Sirius just bounded back up off the floor, a massive grin still on his face, and ripped the covers off of Remus. Remus nearly hit Sirius in the head with his legs when he swung them down to the ground.

Remus yawned, staring thoughtfully down at the rest of the croissant in his hands before cramming the rest of the croissant into Sirius' mouth.

Sirius' eyes popped, and he peeled the croissant out of his mouth with an exaggerated _eww_. Sirius flung the croissant away, and Remus stretched.

"Will you help me? Please? Will you? James won't help, he's being a meanie." Sirius pouted and Remus rolled his eyes.

"Doesn't James have to pack up his own trunk?"

"Mine is more important! And I had to spend the entire morning looking for stupid Peter's stupid set of stupid gobstones! Help me Rems, _pleaseee_! You don't have to pack your own suitcase yet, so you are free ALL DAY!"

Actually, Remus didn't have to pack his suitcase at all.

It would be one whole year since Remus had come to Hogwarts in 48 hours, which meant that Remus' first year of Hogwarts would be over. Sirius, James and Peter were getting prepared for going their separate ways for a three month holiday.

Their first year of Hogwarts.

Over.

Remus wasn't sure how he felt about that.

It all felt like just a dream. Or a nightmare.

A wonderful dream in which Remus had _friends_ who managed to make him laugh; managed to make him slightly less serious than his normal self.

Friends, three of them, who had landed him in strange predicaments and turned him into a liar.

He had been a liar before, of course. He had never wanted to make anybody worry, or focus too closely on him. In St Mungo's he had told white lies about how he felt. Nothing massive, but they had been there.

Always dodging the truth, always having to cover up his scars and his bandages… Remus hadn't been free to change in the boys dormitories without a care in the world as Sirius, James and Peter did. He had to hide himself away behind the red curtains that went around his bed, or he had to wait until he knew the dormitory would be completely empty.

Nowadays Remus had to lie continuously about who he was, what he was doing, what he had done, where he was going, where he had gone… Remus even told white lies to Matron Pomfrey whenever she asked him how he was.

Lies.

Innumerable lies.

Remus had thought he was getting very, very good at telling lies, but his friends were getting very, very good at telling the difference between the truths Remus told and the lies he divulged automatically.

It was their suspicions and everybody else's that had made this year hell for Remus, but it was also the suspicions of the rest of the school that had made the year one continuous nightmare.

Remus had had to put up with the taunts of the Slytherins and the curious gazes of practically everyone. They all wondered why such a strange boy hung around with Sirius _Black_ and James _Potter_, royalty within their own right. They all wondered why he disappeared as often as he did.

They wondered, they wondered, they wondered, and as there were no _answers_, they had come up with their own.

The year had been a nightmare because of the painful transformations Professor Dumbledore had formerly promised wouldn't be so more.

So, yes, the entire year had been a murky grey colour for Remus; bad because of his lycanthropy and the suspicions, but good because he had made friends and had learnt more than the books he had read could teach him. Remus had even discovered flying.

Remus' first year at Hogwarts had been _memorable. _

Before meeting Professor Dumbledore, Remus had never dared let himself _dream_ of setting foot in Hogwarts. And now his education at Hogwarts was one seventh complete.

Hogwarts had been the second best thing to ever happen to Remus.

The first was meeting Sirius, James and Peter.

Over the holidays, while his friends were with their families, Remus would be roaming Hogwarts. There was nowhere else for him to go, so he was allowed with very special permission from the Headmaster to stay.

Very, _very_ special permission. No one had ever remained at Hogwarts after the year had ended.

Professor Dumbledore would be with him when he wasn't away on business, and the groundskeeper and Mr Filch would still be around. The ghosts would still be haunting the hallways and elves would still be working away in the kitchens, although the meals they would have to prepare would be relatively smaller. Matron Pomfrey would stay with Remus for the full moons, and then she too would go back to her family.

He would be free to not wear sleeves; he would be free to do whatever he wanted.

A lonely three months.

Remus would be counting down the days until he wasn't alone anymore.

"Come ON!" James shouted from somewhere in the dormitory. Remus stood up and moved around his bed, then paused, unprepared for the sight before his eyes.

The dormitory had been turned on its head.

The three beds occupied by Sirius, James and Peter had no bedding, and were completely covered in old comics and clothes and trinkets and schoolbooks. A snitch James had stolen to spite Professor Harslow, the Professor who had taught them how to ride a broomstick and had not allowed Sirius and James on the Griffindor Quidditch team, was flying about the room, along with a few stray origami paper planes. There were chocolate frogs bouncing around and haphazardly piled collectable cards. Pieces of a chess set Remus thought Sirius had destroyed ambled past him.

James was sitting on his overflowing trunk, evidently trying to get it to shut. Instead it exploded, and the items rained down on James and made Peter laugh hysterically. James, red faced and furious, began packing again.

"Guys…" Remus did not know where to begin.

"See?! This is why we need your help, me especially! James has his stuff EVERYWHERE!"

Remus made his way over to Sirius' bed, frowning down at the robes he had dumped there. He lifted one up with his finger.

"Sirius, this isn't yours."

"It's not? Oh, no, it's not! Peter, keep your robes away from mine! I don't want them contaminated!"

"I was looking for those!" Peter exclaimed, dashing to snatch them from Remus then away again.

"Okay. Okay. Sirius, where is your wand?" Sirius' face grew blank for a scary moment.

"Ahhhummm…" Sirius studied his bed, itching his head.

" Ahem. Oh. Here!" Sirius produced his wand from his back pocket. Remus shook his head, and used Sirius' wand to get his own.

Once Remus had his wand in his hand, he instructed Sirius.

"Say it with me. _Accio_ Sirius' things."

"_Accio_ Sirius' things. _Accio_ Sirius' things." Sirius muttered.

"Accio My Stuff!" Sirius shouted. Within a second Sirius was covered head to toe in clothes, and books were stacking themselves on his head.

"ARGH! Get 'em off, Remus!" A shoe whacked into Sirius' back, and the books plummeted to the ground.

Remus stifled a laugh. He bewitched Sirius' books to his trunk, and he took Sirius' parchment and inkbottles and quills and put them in his bag. Stuff kept on flying at Sirius, some of it emerging from James' trunk and from Remus and Peter's sides of the dormitory.

Anything that didn't fit in Sirius' arms came to rest on his feet and bed. Eventually, it stopped, and Sirius was left looking more like a hat stand than a person.

"Right. Is it all there?" Remus said, unable to keep a smile out of his voice.

XXX

"Promise you'll write. Every single day!"

Sirius and Remus were walking along with the rest of the school down to the Hogsmeade station. They were a part of a sea of black robes. Everybody bar Remus lugged a trunk or a suitcase behind them, some of them even clutched the cages of owl or cats or toads or rats. Some of them, like James, had a tight hold on their broomstick.

"I doubt I'll have much better to do. I will write." Remus said.

James and Peter were walking ahead of Sirius and Remus. They were, Sirius and Remus knew, excited about going to see their families, who they had missed very much, even though all year James and Peter had received and sent them letters and had gotten gift baskets of food.

"And I will write back!" Sirius continued.

"And, and, maybe you can come to my house, or I could go to yours, or, or, no, maybe we can met up at James'! And Peter will be there too! And, and… please write," Sirius said, his voice needy and little.

Remus assured him, again, that he would. It wasn't a lie. Exchanging correspondence with his friends would probably be the only thing that would get him through the holiday. It would be easier to lie about what he was doing in a letter, anyhow.

"I don't want to leave, Remus," Sirius said, suddenly.

"You are lucky; you get to spend extra time here!" Yeah, thought Remus, real lucky.

"My family is going to be horrid, I can already tell. They hate me being in Griffindor, and seem to think it's their mission in life to make my life hell." Sirius sighed, pulling his trunk out of a pothole.

"I am sure they have accepted it by now." Remus said. Sirius' eyes looked over to the left, where his cousins Bellatrix and Narcissa, both Slytherins, were walking.

"Trust me, Remus. They haven't. I used to like Cissy, but she totally disregards me, now." Remus gave Sirius a pitying glance, but Sirius looked away.

Remus and Sirius got split by the rushing crowd, and by the time Remus had found his way to the platform, Sirius, James and Peter were already there.

The Hogwarts Express was motionless behind them, the sun glinting off its ruby red paint.

"Hurry up, slow coach!" James cried, ruffling his hair.

Remus scrabbled up the stairs. He paused, unsure, in front of Sirius, James and Peter.

"So long, then. See you in three months!" Remus attempted to sound upbeat and cheery, as he hadn't when with Sirius. James and Peter regarded him for a moment, then squashed him in a joint hug.

"We will see you soon! Write to us!" James and Peter let Remus go simultaneously, hefting their trunks and suitcases towards the closest carriage door, moving on, as only they could. Sirius shifted awkwardly.

"Come on, Sirius, or all of the best ones'll be taken!" James shouted over his shoulder, just barely heard through the din.

Sirius looked pale. Remus let his instincts guide him. He enveloped Sirius in a hug Sirius reciprocated, then drew back quickly, embarrassed.

"Will miss you. See you soon."

Remus helped Sirius get his trunk up into the carriage, wishing he could follow. He stepped back, noticing bitterly that he was the only person left on the platform. He could see curious heads popping out of windows further down the train and pointing at him.

The Hogwarts Express came to life. It started up slowly, rolling away with Remus' three friends on board.

Sirius, James and Peter hanged out of the windows, waving, to a lone figure on the platform who waved back with fake gusto.

When his friends were out of sight, Remus hunched his shoulders, bowed his head and shoved his hands into his pockets. He turned around and climbed the cobblestone path back up to Hogwarts alone.

**Wow. **

**Phew. **

**I can't believe I just wrote a 20 chapter story.**

**Really.**

**I can't. **

**Beginnings at Hogwarts is over, and now Remus will be starting his second year at Hogwarts in the sequel to this story, The Werewolf at Hogwarts!  
**

**Thank you to those of you who have followed this story and have reviewed and offered advice! It means a lot, especially as this is my first story on here.  
**


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